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Cross, frustrated and downright pissed off!(9 Posts)
I have a problem with my ten year old daughter getting herself ready, especially in the mornings. We have written out what she has to do in the morning as she says she can never remember:
Have a wash
It's not a long list as you can see yet she claims she can't remember it??? Really??? She gets up at the moment at 7am and doesn't leave for school until half past eight yet she is still never ready, it is driving me mad!! We have a similar issue with getting ready to go to her ballet / theatre school. Again , she knows what time we have to leave, she has a list of what she needs to take in her bag and what to wear, yet she is never ready on time. I end up shouting at her in frustration and temper and then spend all day at work fretting and worrying and feeling guilty for shouting at her. Meanwhile she has been having a lovely old time at school and isn't worried at all. It is worth mentioning that she is like this at school too and when she goes to my parents house.
It all came to a head on Tuesday morning, she was doing her usual reading books, looking out the window etc instead of getting dressed and I lost it with her. I shouted at her and then left her in the house on her own while I walked the dog round the block to calm down. I ended up on the phone to my husband crying for goodness sake.
We have tried, lists, tick charts, star charts, rewarding her for the times she does do it, punishment for when she doesn't, bribes, blackmail etc. To be honest I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do next. I just don't want to carry on like this, she starts secondary school in September and I don't know how she will cope if she can't get herself organised.
I could have written your post, substituting DS for DD. I endlessly point out that if he did the tasks it would take maximum 30 minutes (more likely 10 ) and then he can watch TV or go on the computer for an hour ........... but instead it is endless arguing/waffling ............ I shall watch the replies with interest.
He does manage perfectly well on camps/school trips so I suppose I am probably guilty of doing too much for him (only child) - perhaps I do need to be strong and just let him go to school without breakfast & in his pyjamas one day ............
i have two thoughts: one just let her be late/unwashed etc, zt this stage natural consequences seem fair enough to me. Two, ask her to come up with the solution, or brainstorm solutions (this is from How to talk...) and take it from there, but do try to emotionally disengage.
Can you do the bag the night before? That would be one thing out of the way.
I agree with trying to get her to do her bag the night before. How would it be not encouraging her to get dressed in the morning but let her go in her jammies. The threat of that might make her move - threatened DD2 when she was about 9 with this one morning, didn't have to do it a second time. She was mortified. School let her change as i had explained the situation beforehand.
Have you tried pictures of each thing she needs to do rather than a written list~?
My 10 year old DSD is exactly like this but she always has been. Getting ready to go anywhere is a nightmare - even if it's somewhere she really wants to go. If it was up to me she would have gone to school in her jammies before now and with other outings I would have put a time limit on getting ready and then cancelled it if she wasn't ready on time. Harsh but effective and you only have to do it once!
Just wanted to update you. Things have improved slightly. We have taken all of her electrical items off her and she has to earn them back. So far she has earnt only one item back but there is progress. I can see that she has been making an effort and really trying to get herself organised so I am trying to praise the effort rather than the result if you see what I mean. I am incredibly organised so I'm also trying to be realistic and fair about what to expect from her being as she's only ten. Thank you for all the suggestions, I'll let you know how it goes from here on.
Are you sure there's nothing else going on? This sounds like a friend's DD - eventually they discovered that the absent-mindedness was down to undiagnosed diabetes. Now that's under control both mum and daughter are much happier. (Not suggesting that it's diabetes, just that the absent-mindedness may be somehow out her control? Sorry if this is way off the mark...)
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