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DD's friend bites.

(5 Posts)
Baggypussy Tue 21-Jun-11 08:35:37

DD is 2.4. She has a friend (boy) of the same age. I met the mum when both children were a few weeks old, and have always got on really well with her.

Problem is that her DS bites and scratches at EVERY opportunity. I have literally lost count of the times he has bitten DD, and she has now been badly (and purposefully) scratched by him on 2 occasions. The children are also in nursery together for 2 days a week, and he is also a prolific biter there too. (Not just to DD).

Now, DD is no angel, and certainly does her fair share of snatching etc, but is not aggressive in any way.

This 'phase' has now been going on for around 15 months, and I'm starting to get completely sick of it!

At first, I was very laid back about it, and just took the attitude that these things will happen (all toddlers have phases, there but for the grace of God go I) sort of thing.

TBH, at first I was more concerned for the little boys mum (my friend) as she seemed very upset/stressed out by her son's behaviour, and along with comforting my DD, I was also sort of minimizing it to some degree in an attempt to make my friend better.

However, 15 months later, it is still happening with increasing regularity to my DD, and everyone else's children too! There is an 'incident' with someone in the group literally every time we see them.

It also appears as though the mum has almost accepted that this is the case and doesn't really do a great deal to either prevent it or punish it tbh. She often gives her ds 'time out' but goes about it in a half hearted and inconsistent manner- last time, after he drew blood quite badly on my DD, she called him over about 1 minute later to give him cake, with my DD still bleeding & crying in my arms!

The mum has recently tried to tell me that this is a phase that most boys go through(?!), that she is doing everything she can, etc, etc.

However, I'm no longer convinced that she is doing 'all she can'. I have witnessed her not following through on threats to leave etc. She has also previously attributed this behaviour to teething, and has even blamed his 9 year old sister.

I just do not know what to do. On the one hand the boys mum is my friend, but on the other I don't want to keep exposing my DD to this boys' (IMO unreprimanded) behaviour.

I have started to limit contact/avoid them slightly, but feel like the crappest friend in the world for doing so...and a bit spineless tbh.

Anyone had any experience of this?

TIA

monkoray Tue 21-Jun-11 11:41:34

I wonder whether you should have an open and honest conversation about how you feel with your friend. Could you tell her that you really like her company but its getting to the point that to protect your dd you feel the need to stay away from her ds. Maybe she could do with a reality check to make her take discipline a bit more seriously.

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 21-Jun-11 11:46:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swash Tue 21-Jun-11 17:46:21

One of my friends was like this. She was very gentle on her ds and used to give him long explanations while cuddling - rather than the sharp no that I favoured! I stopped seeing her for a while because of this, and other people did too. We are really good friends and have now come back together.

Your priority is your dd, tbh.

Baggypussy Wed 22-Jun-11 09:13:11

Thanks for your replies. It is tricky as I think the mum does think she is doing what she can..but I think if it were me in that situation I'd be doing a whole lot more (easy to say though, I suppose).

She does now know that I am getting increasingly hacked off with her son's behaviour, but I haven't gone as far as tell her that I think she could be a lot firmer with him. (Should I???)

It is a terrible shame- not only for me (and the other parents), my DD etc, but also for her little boy, as they are now getting to an age where the other children are beginning to vote with their feet and not want to play with him anyway.

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