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Seriously I can't look after her atm

(23 Posts)
ComeWhineWithMe Mon 20-Jun-11 19:44:21

I can't cope with her.
She was up all night last night just laughing at me and wanting to play.
I am good for nothing the next day and have wasted this morning sleeping before dp went to work.
I can't look after her anymore, I'm trying to get her to sleep and then the other dc start playing up or arguing and then this wakes her up and I shout at the big dc.
She wakes up at everything`and we all have to creep around.

I think it is getting better for a few days and then she gets even worse, I can't bath or shower or sleep anymore.

Nothing works and she is 2 years old I don't know what to do.

triskaidekaphile Mon 20-Jun-11 19:49:18

What a nightmare. What happens when she wakes up?

grumpypants Mon 20-Jun-11 19:54:05

co-sleeping? don't know the back story, sorry.

fruitshootsandheaves Mon 20-Jun-11 19:54:46

Does she still nap in the day? Could you try leaving out any daytime naps so she is more worn out to sleep at night.

ComeWhineWithMe Mon 20-Jun-11 20:01:41

She cries until I give her boob. I have tried to stop she just wears me down with the crying, she is also tiny for a 2 year old and it scares me when she won't eat which she stops doing if I stop BF.
BF is awful I am not enjoying it she bites and yanks at me all the time.
Last night she went to sleep at 7pm and woke up at 11pm, I put her in with me she went back to sleep and I put her in her cot and at 1am she screamed the house down and sat up in bed talking and laughing until I gave in and came downstairs with her.
If she dosen't have a nap in the day she is worse, she then falls asleep at 7pm and will wake a couple of hours later thinking that was the nap and now it's playtime.
I have 5 older dc and it was never like this it is so so hard, I also have another dd who has sn and is home educated atm and she is suffering as a result of me getting no sleep.

Hassled Mon 20-Jun-11 20:08:31

Bloody hell - you poor poor thing.

This is going to sound like Tough Love Gone Insane, but is there anyway whatsoever you could just go away for 2 nights? Maybe with the older children? Have you a friend/relative who could step in to help your DP/DH out and who could tolerate the screaming? Because the only way out of this cycle is absolute zero tolerance/no BF/no bollocksing around at 1am, and it has to be for more than one night to break the habit, and you sound way too tired and stressed to manage it on your own. It will be hell on earth, but she will never learn to self-settle or the difference between day and night if this carries on.

I remember with my DC4 I was so cocky and confident - I know what I'm doing, it will be a doddle. And it bloody wasn't - they're so different, aren't they? It comes as a shock.

Asinine Mon 20-Jun-11 20:09:29

You must be exhausted. DD must be tired, too. is there anyone else to support you, or to watch the kids while you sleep?

Do not give her attention after bed time. The only word you need after bedtime is 'bed'. So no matter what she says just answer 'bed'. Has she got her own room? Put a stair gate on if she won't stay in bed. Then ignore, ignore, ignore.

It is not cruel, she needs sleep almost as much as she needs food at that age.she will be happier and healthier if she gets sleep, and so will you. She will not stay awake all night every night with no entertainment.

It is not reasonable to expect older children to tiptoe in the evening, she will have to learn to sleep through it. Other things that might help are no screen time near bedtime, no sweets later on, story and milk.

You are probably doing all this already? I'm sure you will get plenty of good advice on here.

Asinine Mon 20-Jun-11 20:16:24

Sorry posted that before reading your second post. You have a lot on your plate with all those dcs! You need to put yourself first, as the dcs need you to be fully functioning, not worn out and stressed. It is not selfish, you need sleep and so does DD. She will not hate you if you don't bf in the night, she will not starve herself. I know you feel anxious if she does not eat, but I bet she will eat better once her sleep is sorted.

Is there any chance you could be depressed and need to see GP or HV for support?

ComeWhineWithMe Mon 20-Jun-11 20:17:30

Thanks, I realise I am sounding a bit hysterical but I just dread this time of night.

They are so different Hassled, she is lovely but I feel like a frazzled first time mum with her.

I don't think I will be able to go away but I am going to do the tough love starting tomorrow, no more boob, no more ruling the roost.

She does have her own room, but she terrified me the other week by throwin herself out of the cot hmm, she can't climb out of it normally but had piled her blanket and two teddies up and used them as a ladder!

DP does not get in until 10.30pm weeknights and he is great does loads of housework and he does schoolrun in the mornings.

She already has a story at night with the 5 year old and I am currently sat here in silence no tv or distractions.

D Day will have to start tomorrow, wish me luck smile.

Asinine Mon 20-Jun-11 20:54:33

Good luck. If it helps write down why you are being tough now, and read it when you feel like cracking in the night. smile

At risk of sounding cheesy, you can do this, you are strong and have obviously coped with a lot in the past bringing up all those dcs.

triskaidekaphile Mon 20-Jun-11 20:59:52

Good Agree tough love is the way forward! And once you start get that telly back on- she needs to learn to sleep through a normal amount of noise.

Hassled Mon 20-Jun-11 22:57:14

The best of luck to you - keep us posted. Just keep it fixed in your head that it will be hell on earth for at least 2 days, possibly more, but then the whole of the rest of your life will be better. Grit your teeth a lot - learn to count to ten in many different languages grin.

fuckmegoranwouldbegoodinbed Mon 20-Jun-11 22:59:05

Keep posting here and we will all support you as best we can.

Been there with a very stubborn non-sleeping tantrumming 2 year old and it is simply hell on wheels.

Bohica Mon 20-Jun-11 23:09:05

Oh wow. Poor you & poor DD. You must all be knackered. Tough love at 2 is certainly needed & if you keep on posting you will get lots of support here.

<off to bed before DD3 wakes up for nightime olypics>

EightiesChick Mon 20-Jun-11 23:12:47

Agree with advice so far but, just wanted to say, you did not in any way 'waste' your morning sleeping! Sounds like the best thing you could have done. Good luck.

ComeWhineWithMe Tue 21-Jun-11 08:40:05

Ok, thanks all for the support and kind words.
I actually took her to bed last night after my last post and told her she had to go to sleep! It took 40 mins of screaming but she went and didn't wake up until 6.30am shock.
I realise this was probably a fluke but after the supersleep I had I feel ready to do battle tonight grin.
She has asked for boob a few times this morning but I have just told her "All gone" and she asked for a cuddle instead.
She ate quite a good breakfast too, a small amount of cereal, yougurt and strawberries.
Fingers crossed we have a good day will let you know smile.

bellavita Tue 21-Jun-11 08:53:02

Oh goodness, poor you. Am so glad last night was better smile

You really do need to do the tough love thing with the sleeping. I remember being pregnant with DS2 and we had a little trouble with DS1 not going to bed - he was 2 at the time. The controlled crying worked for us and took three nights of him getting out of bed and standing at the top of the stairs (stair gate was there) screaming. First night it was an hour, second 40 mins and then the third was literally about 3 mins - I guessed he realised we were not going to pander to him.

Giving in to her is a big NO NO!

Good luck for tonight.

dribbleface Tue 21-Jun-11 09:00:34

Poor you. Sounds like last night was an improvement.
If your worried about her throwing herself out of the cot maybe switch to a bed. Sounds nuts i know but we did this with DS at around that age as sleeping was a nigtmare. It made sense that we should get him in a routine of staying in bed, rather than getting things settled then starting all over again in a few months when it was time to move out of his cot. He picked a new duvet,lamp etc and it helped take the tension out of bedtime. Fingers crossed 1 year on and he sleeps well, and never gets up in the night.

Chestnutx3 Tue 21-Jun-11 09:06:09

I had to wean my DD at the same age (to stay pregnant - long story). Be strong she will forget quickly. She will start to eat more solids it took mine 2-3 months to do this. Put her to bed, if she wakes say everything is okay and leave. Keep doing it until she sleeps, don't give her any attention. Get your DH to do it?

snowgum Tue 21-Jun-11 10:26:41

I totally understand! With another baby well on the way i night weaned my 2.5yo. Your dd sounds similarly spirited smile

It was very very hard but i said no bf until morning. Hard because she screamed for hours every night for 2weeks. Then continued waking and asking and crying a bit for around three months. Nothing i had read prepared me for her reaction, everyone else seems to say night weaning takes only a few nights. Now she's 3.1 and goes back to sleep with a cuddle mostly, but still have crying sometimes.

Anyway at the time i did say she could read, cuddle or have a song when she woke up. When she cried i just held her. She has her own room but always ends up in my bed at some point. Now the worst is over she seems fine, we all sleep much better and i am not so annoyed.

Just wanted to let you know you are not the only one with a toddler who is really really stubborn about sleep and it's not easy.

AmberLeaf Tue 21-Jun-11 10:39:48

Can you get a cotbed?

Make a big thing of her having a 'big girls bed', I had one that would try and get up after bed time, I put a stair gate in the bedroom doorway and he gradually learned that once he was in there he wasnt coming out!

Its very hard especially when they cry and get very upset, I was advised that the best thing to do if they got up was to go in put them back into bed and tuck them in without saying a word, that way you are seeing to their needs but not giving any unnecessary attention.

I appreciate how hard it is when you are tired through the disturbed nights though.

I used to keep him as busy as possible in the afternoon and found that it was hardest keeping him awake between 5-7pm but if i managed to do that and preferably keep him awake until an 8pm bedtime he generally slept through after that.

Good luck and i agree with the poster that said you werent 'wasting' your morning sleeping, you must be knackered!

Asinine Tue 21-Jun-11 14:48:04


Sounds like you did brilliantly last night! They can tell when you've made up your mind to do something, or not do something in this case...

Glad you are feeling stronger, go for it tonight smile

Asinine Wed 22-Jun-11 14:30:49

How's it going, come whine?

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