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When your child almost has a serious accident

(29 Posts)
IhateRedSave Sat 18-Jun-11 21:58:49

Today my three y.o. ran into the road and narrowly missed being knocked over. I yelled his name and he luckily turned around. If he hadn't - just a step closer and thing would be very different for us tonight.

I just can't get it out of my head. I'm totally berating myself, which I suppose is right because it's natures way of making you more vigilant in the future.

But right now I feel just terrible, thinking of what could have been. Half of me thinks I deserve to feel this bad for letting go of his hand for that moment, half of me thinks it just happens like that sometimes because some kids are hell bent on damaging themselves through not listening.

I know this is a daft post, but I just need some kind words. Also, how have you recovered from a time when your child has come close to seriously hurting themselves?

Thanks

MaryBS Sat 18-Jun-11 22:02:55

Be gentle on yourself.

DD got swept out to see once and had to be rescued.

However bad you feel now, when you get over the shock and logic kicks in, you realise what a lucky escape you have, give your child some huge hugs and vow never to let it happen again. And because you've had this shock, you will be more vigilant.

MaryBS Sat 18-Jun-11 22:03:10

sea blush

mousymouse Sat 18-Jun-11 22:06:22

poor you.
I had close one with ds when he was 2.
skipping along the pavement he tripped and unluckily fell off the kerb just as a white van was speeding past. thank god, only scratches. but it was inches close to being a serious injury or worse.
had to sit by the kerb holding him, sobbing.
pour yourself a wine or brew and start street awareness training tomorrow.

Beamur Sat 18-Jun-11 22:10:22

I had a close call with a scalding incident when DD was about 6 months old - I kept replaying it in my mind for ages and not having the conversation with my Mum where I pointed out that she almost burned my baby. It stayed with me for quite while, but it did mean I was incredibly vigilant about hot drinks from then on.
It is awful but the horror and relief will pass - on the plus side, I think it does make the risk of these dangers more real and us less blase about it not happening to us.
The good thing is that your LO is fine.

IhateRedSave Sat 18-Jun-11 22:11:05

thanks - I'm sorry to hear your stories, although it makes me feel better not being alone. I know I'm still reeling from it and that it will fade, but it just makes you realise how fragile happiness is when it can just be taken away like that.
I am going to make myself and cuppa and try and stop sobbing about it.

I have been doing street awareness with him but my ds is in a world of his own and just doesn't seem to know what the hell is going on most of the time. My dd always listened.

Sparklyboots Sat 18-Jun-11 22:14:58

My mum once answered the door to a woman returning my younger DB (then 3) who had let himself out of the house. The woman retreived him from the middle of road - fortunately she stopped her car before driving into him. (He is 27 now).

bibbitybobbityhat Sat 18-Jun-11 22:19:32

All my sympathies. I had a similar experience when my dd was nearly three. I still think about it most days. I don't know why she stopped when I screamed her name and I just can't think about what would have happened if she didn't. I just feel really lucky and grateful and somehow blessed.

IhateRedSave Sat 18-Jun-11 22:22:04

There's just so many things that can happen to them sometimes i feel overwhelmed in keeping them safe.

dikkertjedap Sat 18-Jun-11 22:25:38

Things happen. In future you will be extra careful but maybe also already start explaining to your DS. He is still very young but hopefully it will slowly start sinking in how dangerous roads can be. Try not to beat yourself up but see it as a learning experience and luckily with a good ending.

IhateRedSave Sat 18-Jun-11 22:29:40

Thank you. I have to salvage something from it and turn it into a positive. I felt mad as hell with him afterwards, which is wrong I know. But it was the shock of it all.

Maryz Sat 18-Jun-11 22:37:10

You need to be really pleased that this is another "almost disaster" that wasn't, iyswim.

Every time the almost get badly hurt/killed is another notch on the belt of survival. A bit like if you have a near miss in a car, you can congratulate yourself that by the law of probabilities that is an accident you didn't have, and therefore your chances of not having another one for a while are a bit higher.

ds2 fell over 20 feet out of a tree last year - I had my back turned but I felt the ground shake - and missed a pile of rocks by about 2 inches shock. I feel that gives him a let-off on disasters for another year grin.

[I know it makes no sense at all, but that is how I comfort myself when I or the children have near disasters]

Bellagio Sat 18-Jun-11 22:40:52

Oh how scary, poor you.
Try not to dwell on it as it will only upset you. Like others have said, use it as a reminder to persevere with the road training.

He's fine, you're fine, count your blessings and look forward.
smile

<makes mental note to follow own advice next heart-stopping toddler-induced traumatic moment>

Fifis25StottieCakes Sat 18-Jun-11 22:50:29

God i took my 2 and 4 year olds out on their bikes years ago. We went down a hill with me holding both the backs of the bikes. The hill was steeper than i thought, i losy my footing and they drove off in either direction. In an instant i had to save one so saved the yougest. The 4 year old hurtled down the hil, crasheed into a wall, hurtled over the handlebars and smashed into a wall. She come out of it with scratches but it haunted me for ages. Shes only just learned to ride a bike at 9 as it left her scared of them

BeeBread Sat 18-Jun-11 22:51:46

My DS fell down the stairs at 5 months old. Time seemed to stop while I stood at the top of the stairs watching him bounce down.

He was absolutely fine (well, squarked a bit but no injuries). But for weeks after my mind played tricks on me, and I had regular "flashbacks" where I imagined him breaking his neck. Gives me the fear even thinking about it now.

They are just so important that it takes a while to process any potential horribleness. A big glass of wine might help to take the edge off...

AfternoonsandCoffeespoons Sat 18-Jun-11 22:52:51

Don't beat yourself up over this. It wasn't your 'mistake' that caused the problem but rather your quick reactions that stopped one IYSWIM. You called him, he stopped. He's OK.

DS escaped from the house a while ago. I literally turned away long enough to put the washing in the machine adn when i looked he was gone. He had followed his Dad to the shop. Crossed 3 roads - one of them a main road! He was 4 (with learning difficulties so quite younger mentally). I still cry when I think about it over 2 years later!

Take care of yourself. Give your boy a big cuddle and do somehing nice for yourself.

kreecherlivesupstairs Sun 19-Jun-11 06:09:22

They are born to test the strenghth of your heart that's for sure.
DD was about 6 months old when I threw her into a ceiling fan and fractured her skull blush sad.
no more throwing up in the air games for us.

littlewheel Sun 19-Jun-11 15:54:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whomovedmychocolate Sun 19-Jun-11 16:01:49

It is really scary! First of all deal with the practical - check both of you are okay - sweet tea for you. Second, work out what you can do to stop it recurring and thirdly remember that you can't do anything about a lot of the dangers in the world and that in spite of this your kids are likely to grow up, slightly battlescarred but still alive and well.

I can still remember the conversations of my parents about me when I was in a coma when I was 11 - I ran out in front of a car and had severe head injuries. They blamed themselves even then - but it was me that was stupidly mooning over some boy and wandering around main roads not looking.

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls Sun 19-Jun-11 16:06:47

One of my SILs was once returned to MIL by a policeman after she let herself out of the house aged 2. She was caught trying to cross the main road at the end of the street to get to the sweetie shop. The thing was, sil was totally naked and the ground was covered in snow. Sil is mils youngest child and she thought she'd seen it all in terms of near misses!

QOD Sun 19-Jun-11 16:16:09

My blardy dd was 12!!! when she ran across the road and barely missed being run down. Totally her fault and I was right there......... they do learn from it.
AND I have always drummed it into her as I was infact run over aged nearly 3 - fractured skull in two places.......... my fault - i ran out

GrownUpNow Sun 19-Jun-11 16:24:43

I've had my daughter returned to the house by strangers when she let herself out too, playing right next to a main road in her stocking soles in the mud. She was just two. I let her in, thanked them profusely, then fell onto the floor as I closed the door as it hit me how close it was to her being injured or lost.

superjobeespecs Sun 19-Jun-11 16:25:22

my DD (6) was inches away from an accident about a month or so ago i called out to her just in time but my god i was sobbing my heart out!! i scolded her for not stopping at the middle island as she usually does its just this one time she didnt and i think its scared the bejesus into her as now she holds my hand to cross which she's never done well not for years at least. dont get yourself het up a nice strong cup of tea does wonders for the shock smile

nannyl Sun 19-Jun-11 20:03:42

in my last nanny job my charge went to a nursery.
There was a particularly "naughty" 3 year old in his class, and his mum always shouted at him. I also witnessed her asking the nursey staff Why they "couldnt just slap him?" when he misbeahved.

(The poor child, im sure he was the product of his parenting)

anyway one day as we were walking happily along his mum got him out of the car, and then his brother who was about 1year ish. Anyway he ran off and ran straight into the path of the car.... mum SCREAMED at him (as usual) and there was no reaction at all, and he kept going.
He missed being hit by this car by just mm, and thank god the driver was aware to stop just in time....
it really frightened me! (but 3 year old probably didnt even notice!).

I went home and later was telling MB / DB... we all agreed that if my charge ever did that... or anything dangerous where we had to scream at him, at the very least he would stop / pause etc.

So OP, in that sense consider yourself to be a good parent, whose child did stop when it really mattered (even if only just smile)

CharlieBoo Sun 19-Jun-11 21:01:07

I had a really similar incident 2 weeks ago when my 6 year old almost got run over at football training. We'd gone back to the Car in the pouring rain to get his coat, it's a tiny country lane in a car park to get to a field and I could hear but not see the car coming, I shouted to him to stop but it was raining so hard and he had his hood up... I screamed and he stopped and was missed by inches... I sobbed my heart out! It shook me for days and it shook him too. Life can change in an instant that's what's do scary!

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