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Should I sneak out when leaving DC with MiL?!

(17 Posts)
HollyFP Thu 16-Jun-11 16:25:05

I am finally getting round to leaving DD (11 months) with my MIL for a few hours a couple of times a week. DD is a very happy, chilled out baby and doesn't seem to notice too much that I disappear.

I'm not sure whether I should carry on sneaking out when I leave, hoping she won't notice, or whether I should say bye bye properly so she learns what's happening and doesn't become confused when she gets a bit older.

What do you think?

franke Thu 16-Jun-11 16:25:48

I would do (and did) the latter.

missingmyflatbelly Thu 16-Jun-11 16:30:28

I would sneak out. What she's learning if you say bye bye in her mind is that mummy's going out to have some fun without her!

Antidote Thu 16-Jun-11 16:33:55

I get round this problem by putting ds in his pram, handing PILs their coats and saying 'see you at 5. Bye!'

Ds is always very chirpy when they get him home, and I get three hours peace at home. Bliss.

RitaMorgan Thu 16-Jun-11 16:37:31

I would say goodbye. You'll will make her anxious if you sneak away - she won't know when you will next disappear so will be on edge all the time.

HollyFP Thu 16-Jun-11 16:59:29

Hmm I kind of agree with both sides...although isn't she a little young to understand 'bye bye see you in an hour or so' ? confused

speculationisrife Thu 16-Jun-11 17:04:50

Have been leaving dd with parents one day a week since she was 6mo. My policy was always to say goodbye, even though she went through phases when this was fine and phases (when a little older) when she would howl. She's now 2.2 and has consistently been more than happy to wave goodbye/ignore me when I go for at least 6 months now. I'm quite hard though grin and the howls generally didn't bother me as I knew she'd be fine in minutes if not seconds!

RitaMorgan Thu 16-Jun-11 17:06:12

She'll understand "bye bye see you later" means you're leaving rather than looking round and suddenly realising you're gone.

Mollymax Thu 16-Jun-11 17:19:58

I would always say goodbye.
As Ritamorgan said, children can become anxious if you just disappear.

Octaviapink Thu 16-Jun-11 19:38:02

ALWAYS say goodbye!! Even if she appears not to notice or (later) gets upset for a bit, it's nothing compared to the utter, soul-emptying, terrified panic on a child's face when they look round and realise that Mummy's gone. NEVER leave without saying goodbye.

naturalbaby Thu 16-Jun-11 22:19:12

i have always said goodbye, from day 1. just because she is too young to be able to tell you exactly what she is thinking doesn't mean the thought doesn't cross her mind. she may not get upset about it but i still don't think it's fair to sneak away.

AnyFucker Thu 16-Jun-11 22:21:27

just say goodbye, and leave quickly

she will get the message soon enough, and if she doesn't immediately, her development will mean she does before you know it

sneaking off protects only yourself

BertieBotts Thu 16-Jun-11 22:28:00

I would always say goodbye. If she cries when you leave, keep smiling, wave cheerily, and leave quickly. ONLY cry when she can't see you any more! Then wait anxiously for the text from PIL saying "She's fine! She's forgotten all about you!" wink

Also, if you want them to be secure when left, never do the thing where you threaten to leave them somewhere if they refuse to follow you or don't want to leave. I think it's counterproductive.

BertieBotts Thu 16-Jun-11 22:29:28

I snuck away once (by accident) BTW, and DS was noticeably clingy for the next few weeks, panicked if he was playing and then looked up and I'd moved, even if I was just somewhere else in the same room.

harecare Thu 16-Jun-11 22:33:29

Always say goodbye. While she's small and doesn't care it's fine, it can get harder when they cry, but trust me, most kids stop crying the moment the parent is out of sight/hearing.
Always be cheery as Bertie says. With minded children I take them to the window to say goodbye, that way if there are tears they are associated with the window, and then when we turn back into the house and the toys DCs are distracted.

babybumpx Fri 17-Jun-11 10:05:44

I dont think sneaking out is appropriate, look up the attachment theory that might give you a better understanding of how it works

HollyFP Fri 17-Jun-11 22:33:52

My SiL always used to sneak out, so this is where I came across it. It never felt right to me though. Today I left DD again with my MiL, and I said goodbye when I left. She actually looked like she understood, looked a bit confused but then carried on playing smile
It felt the correct way smile

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