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Help me with how to deal with 6 yr old.

(14 Posts)
Pancakeflipper Wed 15-Jun-11 16:33:52

I have a lovely 6 yr old. Honest he's a laughing, funny joy to know.

Except when he loses his temper. It's rare but eventful.

In the playground after school he was playing with friends. I was in the class with the teacher hunting for lost stuff and chatting.
Came out and said to him " 5 more mins playing then we have to go home."
He protested, walked up to me and hit me. I said "hey, no hitting..."
Then instantly he hit me (hard) again. Marched him out of the playground with him going " yeah yeah yeah".

And obviously the know-it-a parent saw all this and was loudly informing everyone how he'd never for stand for that from his son, how he'd knock his head off blah blah .....

All the way home (20 min walk) got rude backchat.

I just ignored him and only said " you are going to bed when we get home"

He is currently in his bedroom in his PJ's. Still full of backchat.

I have steam coming out of my ears. I cannot speak to him cos I might lose my temper.

I know he will calm soon and be sincerely apologetic.

I don't feel gracious yet.

How do you deal with behaviour like this?

babybumpx Wed 15-Jun-11 17:57:12

aw im so sorry you are going through this right now.

Dont worry about what anyone else has to say like that insensitive man in the playground, its none of his business.

May I ask if you are a single parent or not? I only ask as wondered what support you have in the "male" sense? also has he seen anyone treating you like that? how are things at school for him? is there anything he is angry or worried about? what is your relationship with him like normally?

he needs to respect you as you are his mother (stating the obvious i know) if it was me, i would stay cool and talk to him once you have asked him to come down and tell him how that makes you feel, in a child friendly way. with my 6 year old son, we have a 'stand and think' rule, i will explain why he needs to stand there for 6 minutes and think about his behaviour and then he will come back to me and tell me what hes thought and then we'll discuss it, he will not walk away without giving me an apology and understanding why that particular behaviour is not acceptable.

It can be extremely frustrating when your child is behaving in that way, I used to feel a sense of powerlessness and get very upset inside but try to remain the adult and stay consistant!

xxx

MrsBradleyCooper Wed 15-Jun-11 18:04:34

Sounds like you are dealing with it quite well OP - no real advice as I have it all to come! <lurks proactively>

Pancakeflipper Wed 15-Jun-11 18:13:18

Thank you.
His father and I are together though he works away quite a bit so it's me and the kids quite alot. There's no DV in our home. Not often raised voices - we are on the whole a laughing home. Everyone in this house thinks they are a comedian...

And usually he's a really great kid. Then every so often his temper takes over. Sigh - like mine I guess. I used to be flare up.

I really like the idea of going to think about it for x amount of mins.

So much so I have just tried it out. I asked him to think he hit me. He came with he doesn't know. He said he cannot stop the crossness.

He is very apologetic and in hugging mode.

And I find it so hard to not get cross back. But I just about managed to not lose it with him today so think I will eat chocolate tonight.

Thanks x

Pancakeflipper Wed 15-Jun-11 18:14:15

Oh MrsBradleyCooper, keep reading all this site and you'll know all tactics!

peanutbutterkid Wed 15-Jun-11 18:54:40

hahaha, you only get that once in a while? I get DS blowing hot and cold with small temper snits all day long.

Luckily he'll be 7yo tomorrow and that means a complete transformation of character, right?

(pbk happily hides head in sands of delusion)

Pancakeflipper Wed 15-Jun-11 18:59:12

That's my understanding too... On the morning of being 7 they awake with sunbeams circling around their heads and are sunny characters forever?

babybumpx Wed 15-Jun-11 19:01:40

well you have done really well so I'd eat a massive bar of chocolate smile Maybe he needs some work on managing his anger...things he can do to help him feel calm, breathing or even just an out loud grrr, if that makes sense but also he he needs to know it is just not acceptable to treat you like that...stay consistant and calm...he should hopefully get better, he perhaps saw when you were a little hot headed at times too which will make him think that's how to react, its all repairable. xxx

Pancakeflipper Wed 15-Jun-11 20:35:15

And this MN at it's best... Sound help, chocolate and illegal MN kiss.

I will encourage him to stand in the garden and shout. He just cannot deal with his emotions at times. DP came home and spoke to him. There is a punishment. No Wii for a week and no 60p pocket money.

lechatnoir Wed 15-Jun-11 21:16:22

Hey you did good although I would say decide in advance a few slightly more realistic threats as something like going straight to bed without dinner will most likely result in you back down or him being up 4am - neither good scenarios!. Removing a certain toy, stop pocket money, banning TV /computer for a few days - anything that he's really into and that you can follow through to the end as (IMO) the minute you back down everything you've said goes out the window.

Good luck
LCN (mum of 2 DS 5&2 so slowly learning grin)

Pancakeflipper Wed 15-Jun-11 21:48:22

I think you are right. I need to plan ahead for this behaviour so I am not left with my mind whirring thinking on the spot on what to do.

He did get his dinner - I allowed him to the table to eat. He needs his food - he is a human dustbin. I really couldn't let him not have dinner. He'd never sleep tonight! So I get punished then..

Taffeta Wed 15-Jun-11 21:58:37

My DS ( 7 and a half ) has a temper. He's always had a temper. He controls it incredibly well at school, but lets rip the minute, and I mean the minute, he's collected. Not all the time, obviously.

I got some great advice a few years back on handling it and was advised to use adult anger management techniques. Deep breathing, counting to 10, visualisation. I also remove him from situations, and people, very quickly, where the situation can escalate. A lot of backchat is ignored. The more serious backchat gets withdrawal of priveleges.

When you say he said he couldn't stop the crossness, my heart went out to you. This is exactly how my DS is, they need help managing their fiery emotions. Anger is a valid emotion, like any other, but in our civilised society, it must be controlled and he needs to learn some techniques to help him, thats all.

Pancakeflipper Wed 15-Jun-11 22:19:41

That is him Taffeta - that's my kid... He is a happy enthusiastic calm kid in class. Sweetness to the other parents. But his temper flares with me.

And your advice is making sense.

I think I am going to plan out temper tantrum tactics for him and me. Then have a chat with him whilst temper is good on what we will try to do next time.

How does your boy deal with his temper now? Is he now able to use the techniques to try to take the edge of the intensity of it?

And don't you just have to grit your teeth at the backchat? My 6yr old was muttering about how he was going to get a non-glarey mummy next week.

Taffeta Thu 16-Jun-11 18:13:04

Pancake - first of all, please don't beat yourself up over it. Our DS's have a temper. Its not a big deal, unless you make it one. Lots of children internalise their anger, and this can be more difficult to deal with, at least with our DS's its out there, in the open, and we can help them deal with it.

Our role in this, as I see it, is to explain to them that its OK to feel like this, and give them techniques to control it. Sports is an excellent outlet for it with my DS. I will send him into the garden in all weathers to kick the anger out of a football or just run it off. Age 5 he wasn't massively sporty, but I have really pushed sport on him, and he now wins cups regularly. With the anger comes passion and commitment. He feels everything deeply and reacts to it immediately - which is great in some situations, and not in others.

He often says to me "Mummy, I feel like I want to hit somebody." I point outside, and he's off, into the garden to exercise madly.

In situations where this isn't possible, we do breathing and counting, and distracting. Repetitive stuff like Maths sums are good to take his mind off it, but exercise I find best.

Do pm me if you want any more info, all the best, and cherish your lovely passionate boy.

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