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Help with a 7 year old's behaviour?

(9 Posts)
Zingylemontart Tue 14-Jun-11 22:45:18

First post in this board, although I hang out a bit on Chat and AIBU.

My daughter is 7, almost 8, and is driving me to tears sometimes. She just will not do as she's asked until I get angry with her. Then it ends with both of us being upset. Both DH and I have tried explaining to her and she makes the right noises, but it usually goes back to this.

Does anyone have any suggestions to tackle this please? Even my "How to talk so kids will listen..." book seems to be failing me at this point. :-(

I'd thought about a reward chart, but I don't know whether to make it a "if you get X number of smiley faces, you get X treat" or a "if you get X number of frowny faces, you don't get to do X".

Zingylemontart Wed 15-Jun-11 21:24:07

Anyone? Please? I'll hand out wine for any good suggestions. smile

BertieBotts Wed 15-Jun-11 21:29:37

If you like the how to talk book, have a look at or try posting on the unconditional parenting thread to see if you can find anything helpful on there. (It's not really reward charts, but just another option smile)

I think you need to give a bit more information in your post, maybe. Does she refuse to do everything she's asked? Or just some things/sometimes? How are you asking, how is she refusing? Can you give any examples? Is she the same at school? How would they deal with it if she was?

If you go with the reward chart I think it should be positives so that you can focus on that rather than having the negatives on the wall for her to see constantly. Or you could do the pasta jar method? One piece of pasta in the jar for good behaviour, one piece out for bad. When it's full she gets a treat. So the bad behaviour does string out the time until the treat, but she doesn't have to look at it constantly.

BertieBotts Wed 15-Jun-11 21:32:55

[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/1098194-Unconditional-Parenting-Support-thread?pg=1 Unconditional Parenting Thread]]

Zingylemontart Thu 16-Jun-11 12:51:00

Thanks, Bertie. I don't think she refuses to do EVERYTHING she's asked, maybe I need to keep a check on exactly what she's being difficult on. Will also have a look on the other board.

Here's your wine. I'm not impressed with your earwax flavour beans, though! smile

betterwhenthesunshines Thu 16-Jun-11 12:58:47

Sympathy for you - it's not easy. I've also read the "How to listen.." book ( which my DH thinks is completely impractical hmm although I have scientifically tested it (!) at home and it definitely helps grin. I'm now reading the Unconditional Parenting book, I haven't finished it yet, but it is an eye opener and helps you focus on the longer picture which for me helps to take (some) of the stress out when days just don't seem to be going so well.

BertieBotts Thu 16-Jun-11 18:44:34

Oh the earwax one was a one-off. The factory worker had been using his wand to clean out his ear (a dangerous pastime, I'm sure you'll agree). He was sacked immediately and we have much more stringent hygiene procedures now. wink

Zingylemontart Thu 16-Jun-11 20:45:17

I dread to think how the bogey & vomit flavours came about!

Better - I really have to think about using the techniques in the "how to talk" book, but they do work. Just have to do lots of deep breaths and pauses to think!

BertieBotts Thu 16-Jun-11 21:26:12

grin

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