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Does anyone else constantly run a sort of Good Parenting tally in their head?

(141 Posts)
Tortoiseonthehalfshell Tue 14-Jun-11 12:31:10

Because I said this to my husband this evening and he looked at me like hmm.

On the days when I'm at home with DD (2.5) I have this constant refrain in my head; well, we've made homemade playdoh and gone to the park and had an Educational Outing To The Post Office (o god what has my life become) but then I let her watch TV for half an hour over her allotted amount so I can play on the internet, really there's no excuse for that, how much fresh air has she had today, did the gardening include enough actual running around exercise or should we go for a walk as well and the muesli bar probably wasn't the best morning snack but I guess it had fibre in it.

I get to the end of the day with a mental report card; diet, exercise, improving activities (right proportion of crafts, life skills and imaginary play), proportion of my time spent paying attention to her and encouraging her appropriately vs telling her to hurry up/calm down/be careful/oh for goodness sake child.

Am I entirely insane or do all mums do this? I'm feeling entirely insane, reading this back.

Deliaskis Tue 14-Jun-11 13:27:27

I think you will get a lot of replies telling you that you need to chill out and enjoy it a bit more, but I also think that actually a lot of people do this, but just might not admit it! I have only a young DD at the moment (17 weeks) but already sometimes chastise myself for leaving her to play alone on her mat instead of 'interacting'. I bet most people do in some way or another. As long as you don't use it as a stick to beat yourself up with then I think it's probably pretty normal. I've already learnt that there is a lot of guilt attached to being a Mum!


mamsnet Tue 14-Jun-11 14:02:39

I may not break it down quite so much but yes, I will often go to bed thinking on the activities/ food/ fresh air quotients of the day.. as well as how well I did on the gentle correction vs losing my rag scale blush

WowOoo Tue 14-Jun-11 14:04:22

You are utterly entirely insane. And so am I. smile

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Tue 14-Jun-11 14:04:26

I don't think I constantly break it down so much, just when I started typing it out I realised that there were SO many aspects on which I 'mark' myself.

glad I'm not the only freak.

hillyhilly Tue 14-Jun-11 14:05:29

I totally do that!

mamsnet Tue 14-Jun-11 14:06:15

Lord no! Have you counted the 5 a day and the 500ml of calcium?? grin

I have 2 now, so I'm actually a lot better than when it was only DD.

<shudders to think what I was like before then>

FrancesFarmer Tue 14-Jun-11 14:06:16

I do this. It's exhausting and driving me mad but otherwise dcs would do nothing but watch tv and eat biscuits all day long. I don't know how "relaxed mothers" do it.

veritythebrave Tue 14-Jun-11 14:07:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamsnet Tue 14-Jun-11 14:07:51

Good point too, Frances.

<heads off to find the bloody swim kits>

veritythebrave Tue 14-Jun-11 14:09:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emski76 Tue 14-Jun-11 14:09:21

Yep, I do it too. Have 3.8 year old and 16 week old and do this with both! I think it's quite normal but not something to get obsessed about.

Davsmum Tue 14-Jun-11 16:18:20

These days mothers/parents are bombarded with what they should and should not be doing with their children. Mothers in particular seem to be worried and feeling guilty all the time as can be seen on many of the threads on Mumsnet. Children are very resilient and if you love them and care for them I don't think you should be worrying about how much time spent on this and that and whether you are doing things 'right'
You could make sure you do everything in the world that is considered right for them and yet still leave something out that you will later feel 'bad' about !

Children seem to totally dominate their parents lives- which to some extent is natural but there is far too much emphasis on what should be done and the problem is those views/guidelines change all the time !

Tortoise,... Enjoy your daughter ! She is not a project or an exam - and she will not evaporate if you get 'the balance' 'wrong' !

smallpotato Tue 14-Jun-11 19:48:33

I do this! Maybe not to such an extent but I often find myself keeping a mental tally of how many 'treats' vs how much fruit and veg and time spent watching tv vs time spent playing/at activities etc. I usually end up breaking even smile

smallpotato Tue 14-Jun-11 19:48:33

I do this! Maybe not to such an extent but I often find myself keeping a mental tally of how many 'treats' vs how much fruit and veg and time spent watching tv vs time spent playing/at activities etc. I usually end up breaking even smile

BellaBearisWideAwake Tue 14-Jun-11 19:50:14

I totally do this!

Allegrogirl Tue 14-Jun-11 19:55:45

I do this all the time. Just as well I work part time or I would drive myself round the twist. I do suffer from anxiety though.

Bit obsessed with 5 a day (or lack of) as DD1 (3.7) is going through a fussy eating stage. DD2 is 9 months old and has had a string of bugs so needs lots of cuddles at the moment. Far too much telly watching going on for DD1.

My mum, MIL and SH think I worry far too much and I know they are right. Actually sometimes MN doesn't help and I need to step away from certain threads.

Allegrogirl Tue 14-Jun-11 19:56:14

DH even (who is SH??)

BertieBotts Tue 14-Jun-11 19:58:37

No. I just do stuff, I don't worry about whether it's good or bad confused

CharlotteBronteSaurus Tue 14-Jun-11 20:00:17

I'm with you
I work on trade offs
one hour-long trip to park for fresh air and wholesome activities=one hour with the dc parked in front of the telly while I MN

five-a-day achieved today=egg and chips tomorrow.

problem is that I'm naturally lazy, and if I "relaxed", we'd all be square-eyed and fifteen stone with rotten teeth.

BitOfFun Tue 14-Jun-11 20:02:32

God no. Mainly because it would only take about three seconds.

Lovemy2babies Tue 14-Jun-11 22:38:45

Oh yes I do this too and tell Dh and who ever else is around grin

I want everyday to be amazing for them.
Although I am aware that when dd1 goes into the naughty corner or gets told off or told to eat her meals or stopped from hitting her sister or stopped from hurting anyone else I maybe interfering with the amazing bit ... wink

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 15-Jun-11 01:32:40

I genuinely don't understand how to 'just do stuff and not worry about whether it's good or bad'. What if you're <gasps> wrong? Surely, if you didn't worry about it being good or bad, you'd just do whatever was easiest, and park the kids in front of TV with a packet of crisps all day?

I'm really asking! I don't understand how I can not keep a report card and yet be an okay parent.

Caz10 Wed 15-Jun-11 02:00:51

I do this! Dd2 is 4wks old and dd1 seems to be constantly in front of the tv, my report card is not good just now! It is hard too when your offspring would love nothing more than tv and crisps all day. But then so would I...

monkoray Wed 15-Jun-11 06:54:35

Wasn't aware I did this until I read this thread - oh my goodness, I do this.

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