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Desperate for another child but husband really against it

(7 Posts)
hanbee Tue 14-Jun-11 09:27:04

Hi everyone,

I wonder if any of you would have any advice for me. I have two DS aged 2.5 and 8 months but I am desperate to have another child. Not immediately but in the near future. The thought of not having any more children makes me very sad and tearful. My oldest son has developmental delay but is great fun and a lovely affectionate child. DS2 is a demanding into everything baby who doesn't sleep but also great fun and developing at a fantastic pace.
DH clams he can't stand the baby phase and that the sleeplessness makes him really stressed despite the fact that he has worked away from home Monday to Thursday since DS2 was 3 months old. I believe him but he won't listen to my reasons for wanting another child and isn't prepared to compromise, he says no and that's that!
I feel strongly that our family isn't complete and that someone is missing. I also feel that it would be good for DS2 to have a developmentally normal sibling both now and in the future (thinking about us being old, care his brother might need in the future).
I've asked DH if anything might change his mind and he says nothing will. I am massively disappointed and not a little miffed that he thinks that he can just say no and that's it.

Any thoughts?

Thanks for listening


swash Tue 14-Jun-11 10:28:00

I am not sure whether anyone will agree with this, but I think the best thing to do is not to talk about it. Your baby is very young, and I can totally understand why your DH might not be willing to go through the whole business again. You need to get through the baby stage and well into the toddler stage before you broach the subject again. If you keep talking about it, then your positions may well become entrenched.

For now I would make sure that you put time into your relationship, so that your DH feels loved and nurtured in the family home. Look after your boys and just live your life.

PukeyRag Tue 14-Jun-11 10:51:30

Agree with swash - you will have more of a chance if you just leave it for now smile

moomaa Tue 14-Jun-11 10:58:25

Yes I think I agree too. Concentrate on making everyone feel loved and special in your household as it is and then he might be able to imagine life with an extra person.

I too find the new baby stage very difficult so I have some sympathy with your husband. If he is not mentally stong enough then he just isn't and it would be unfair to 'make' him have another child.

PukeyRag Tue 14-Jun-11 11:11:51

Yes, if you were to 'make' him when he isn't ready he will end up resenting you for it and you don't want that.

hanbee Tue 14-Jun-11 11:51:55

Thanks everyone. You've confirmed my instincts which were to wait until DS2 is at least 18 months before I mention it again. I certainly would never "make" him.


quickchat Tue 14-Jun-11 20:30:38

My friend was like you from when her 2nd DC was 3 months and right up until 17 months her DH wouldn't consider it for a minute.

DC 3 is due in November grin.

I do think she could have really put him off forever if she hadn't toned it down a bit in the last 6 months.

The danger is having him plant the idea he doesn't want this again, firmly in his head now when things are still very hard.

Just enjoy your baby....whilst deviously planning the next one, hee hee, shhhh!

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