Feeling so angry with my 11 mo - help needed

[HollyFP]

For the past month or so I've been experiencing horrible bouts of anger towards my beautiful 11 mo DD. It only happens when she's crying about something, eg getting changed/nappy changed, or trying to get to sleep (that is another thread in itself!).
I'm sleep deprived at the moment which I'm sure is contributing. DD is waking 4 times a night, struggles to get back to sleep, often wants feeding (still EBF) and I'm feeling like I can't cope much more.
When I feel the anger bubbling up I have to use all my restraint not to shout at her or hurt her :-( I feel so terribly guilty for feeling like this - it doesn't seem to be getting better. I'm in tears most nights because of this.

Does anyone have any advice? I know the old 'put the baby in a safe place and walk away' trick but then what about when you go back in? The cycle just starts all over again.

[belindarose]

Poor you, it'll definitely be the sleep deprivation. I was exactly the same when DD was 11 mo. We improved things a little by having DH get up early in the mornings with her so I got maybe an extra hour in bed. Sounds small but it helped. Don't know if that's an option for you of course. I night weaned at 14 months then did one night of cc at 15 months. Transformed our lives then, but I wouldn't/ couldn't have done it earlier. Good luck, hope you find something that helps.

[babybumpx]

aw I really feel for you...the only suggestions/advice i have is that the baby will always pick up on your emotions, so she will almost certainly feel the same as you as she can sense it. Try and take a deep breath and have confidence in yourself that you can do it, you ARE strong enough, you ARE a great mother and you love your daughter. try and sleep when she is sleeping, forget about housework and all the other tasks that im sure you have, your health and parenting is what is important! it will all get better as soon as you start believing in your self and you can see results. Also are you going to any mums and tots groups, parenting etc...it is great for support and advice. xxx

[piprabbit]

Try talking to your HV for advice on reducing the night feeds. At 11mo it is likely that your DD is feeding for comfort rather than nourishment, and you might be able to find ways of reducing the number of feeds and the length of time you are kept up.

Whisper 'this too will pass' to yourself again and again, until you begin to believe it.

Try and remember that your DD is not deliberately trying to do this to you - it is not personal, she has needs and feelings which she is expressing in the only way she knows. Distance yourself from her emotions a little so that you can become a more neutral, outside observer.

Finally, you might want to try baby signing or similar - if you feel that you are able to communicate better with your DD, then you may feel more calm and patient.

[shell1234]

you must feel terrible and extremely tired! I wonder whether it might be worth having a chat with your health visitor or gp just to make sure that you maybe havent got PND, it can happen at any time and perhaps thats why you are feeling this way? just a suggestion i think it would help to talk to someone if you can, as its not your fault that you are feeling like this xx

[hillyhilly]

Try to breast feed her more in the day if you can, I know that is much easier said than done at this age but try to set aside time to sit somewhere quiet without distractions and get a good couple of feeds down her, this should help with the night waking, sometimes by this age they are so busy during the day they don't feed enough but that's ok (to them), they've got all night to catch up.
Alternatively, you could play hard ball on the night feeds and either reduce the time of night feeds by one minute each night, or only offer water (you'd probably need partner for this).
Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a good reason!

[HollyFP]

Thanks for the replies and advice - it definitely helps. When I'm not feeling this way I can see everything exactly as piprabbit says - I know it's not her fault etc. I do already go to a signing class (4 weeks in) but DD not really signing yet. We go out every day to see friends, swimming, grandparents etc so this does help, but it's really the nights that are the cause of the problem. If she slept better I wouldn't be so tired, so angry etc.
I do want to try to wean her off bf at night, but want to do it in a sensitive way - not cc.
I would try to bf her more during the day but she doesn't want it! It's impossible feeding her when we're out as she gets so distracted (that plus it takes aaages for let down due to tiredness, so she gets frustrated :()

I will try to sleep more during the day, maybe think of ways to gently night-wean too

Shell1234 I did vaguely wonder about pnd but I don't have any other signs that go with it. I think it just gets overwhelming sometimes and I need to remember to get back to basics.

Thanks all