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2nd baby - when does it get easier??(13 Posts)
Sorry Tarka, I only have 1 so no advice. I just wanted to say poor you, sounds rough. If you've not been well, with a newborn too it must be exhausting and things can seem horrendous when you are knackered. Hoping it will get better for you, try and sleep when you can.
Your DD will get used to it all, hopefully sooner rather than later. Have you tried reading to her when feeding the baby, and involving her as a big girl helper when doing things like nappies, bath time etc? As I say I have no experience but have seen people post these ideas before.
Oh sounds like you are having a hard time of it. Ds 1 is 2.9 and DS 2 is 13 weeks and I'm pleased to say the last 2 weeks we have made big strides and things seems to be getting on a more even keel. We still going through same issues as you though i.e 5am wakings where Im scuttling downstairs with baby to try and keep him away from waking DS1 - both us falling back to sleep downstairs - I think DS1 thinks thats where I sleep now as he finds me there every morning! Also have evening time issues and no family around either. But all in all both seem to have become more settled in themselves, DS2 has become more predictable and DS1 more accepting of this newcomer! Im sure the sickness is not helping any of you, hang in there, sleep when you can - I'm grabbing 10/15 mins anytime I'm lucky enough for both to be asleep at same time and be assured on my experience that a few weeks will make a big difference.
It gets easier gradually. Then there are sudden improvements like getting your evenings back,weaning, walking and things that make your life easier. Then when the youngest is somewhere around 2 they begin to really play together properly and seeing your dc playing together is so lovely it is worth any amount of hard work.
Oh, I really feel for you , it is so hard. Mine are 4 and 2 1/2 now and very much easier, but it was a very gradual thing and they were very hard work for a lot of this time.
The only advice I have, and something I wish I had done more, is to ask for help. Call in all the favours you can, people like to help in general. And if you do get a helper for a bit, try to spend time with the older one if possible.
Wishing you patience and a good night's sleep.
Tarka, sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment, you have my sympathies. My two are 2.5yrs apart, and that first few months with the two of them was really hard work (mainly due to exhaustion).
Practical stuff - call in all the favours you can to help you get a rest, get a sling for the baby so you can be hands free with your older child (good for reflux too as it keeps them upright). Concentrate on getting everyone fed and (fairly) clean, any other houseworky stuff can wait.
When DD was 3 months old I cracked and sent DS to his childminder for 2 mornings a week and it was fantastic. I also don't have family locally. Do ask friends too tho, I'm sure they will be happy to help (particularly if they have been through it themselves).
And when does it gets better? Well... every day it gets better, my two are now 2.5yrs and nearly 5yrs and it is pretty good Sometimes even lovely...
Hi - sounds like you are at the toughest stage. It's been going on long enough for it to have really exhausted you but at the moment you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
Tbh it's hard to say when it will get easier as every baby and every child is different. I think I introduced a dummy at about this stage with dd2 which helped tremendously - but I was lucky with dd1 as she was very well behaved and just seemed to get on with it.
My only tips at the moment would be to get your dh to take DS out in evenings (sling, buggy, car whatever) to give you a chance to get to sleep as early as possible. The less sleep you get, the more down you will feel. The only other tip I can give you is to try and start getting ds into some sort of a bedtime routine - I found this helped me at least feel like I was getting some sort of life back, even if she was only asleep upstairs for an hour or two before she woke again.
Sorry not much help, but you know it will, sooner or later, get better. dd1 is 5 and dd2 3 now and sometimes they are great and play together - other times they drive me to despair with their fighting......
Hi there Tarka, it will get easier! I have a DD age 3.9 and a DS age 16 months. It was hard work in the early days when DS was little. He was a very hungry baby and we didn't get much sleep in the first few months. I didn't manage to breastfeed him for long because I found it a struggle keeping up with his demand (and I'd breastfed DD for over a year!). He had reflux too, although it didn't seem to cause him any pain. It was just very messy! Luckily my DD slept through DS's night wakings - that must be hard if your DD is waking up too and then grumpy in the day. Sorry, I'm not sure what ENT is? Does that contribute to her tiredness?
Does your DD do any preschool? Can you get any rest then? I'd also let friends help out as much as you can. It is such hard work if you don't have family nearby. I know it's often hard to accept help from friends - I'm the same!
I found it got a lot easier once my DS was in some sort of nap routine. At least I knew when I could perhaps spend a bit of quiet time with my DD and give her some attention. Or stick the TV on for her and put my feet up! And your DS will start sleeping better at night. Once you get some decent rest you'll feel like a new woman!
My DS is just finding his feet now and is turning into such a lovely little boy. And the two of them actually seem to enjoy each other's company quite a bit (as well as bickering of course!). Hope this helps you see some light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there and hope you get some rest.
My DDs were 17 months apart, and I found the first 10-12 weeks really tough, and then, slowly (!), the fog started to lift. You are genuinely starting to be out of the worst of it IMHO.
It doesn't just get easier, you also get used to splitting yourself between two little people. Honestly. Promise .
My dd2 had silent reflux too and it got a lot better when she was about 5 months. That was also the time dd1 started going to pre-school 3 afternoons a week which gave me a break. Things suddenly improved massively! Hang on in there. I also tried to keep dd2 as upright as possible for the reflux - bouncy chair etc.
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