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At loggerheads with dh over tapping...

(11 Posts)
mrsmusic Tue 07-Jun-11 10:53:55

Have just spent a lovely week away with dh and dd, who is 22 months. Apart from one huge blazing row over how to deal with her behaviour - to me, typical annoying toddler behaviour that can be dealt with by patience, ignoring where possible, getting down to her level saying "No, we keep hold of things and don't throw them at people because it's not nice" etc etc. His way, as she was testing his patience, is to say the 'No' but give her a tap on the hand. She's a lovely little thing - confident, smiley and yes, pretty lively at times, and I am naturally more easy going than dh, but he reckons I'm being too soft with her (she has had serious tellings off from me a handful of times, such as when she ran out almost onto the road at full speed when I lost hold of her reins once), but the tapping on the hand thing I just don't see necessary and it's really got my back up! (Btw it is only a tap and I don't believe for one minute that he'd hurt her, but all the same).
What does anyone else think?

springbokscantjump Tue 07-Jun-11 10:57:32

Ooh these never end well.

springbokscantjump Tue 07-Jun-11 10:58:30

Just noticed this was on parenting so maybe... At least you didn't post this on AIBU.

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile Tue 07-Jun-11 11:00:28

He's being an arse

He is smacking her

and if he carries on doing it, he will smack harder as she ges older

he needs to stop doing it and start acquiring more appropriate skills for managing her behaviour NOW.

I do hate the euphemising smackers do to disguise the fact that they are hitting their children. I picture them all rapping and tapping away like Victorian spiritualists. It's a smack FGS.

mrsmusic Tue 07-Jun-11 11:08:24

Thanks for the prompt replies. The whole thing makes my blood boil, so I really appreciate what you've put. How the hell we sort this one I just don't know. It's not like I'm going to back down over it!

fun12 Tue 07-Jun-11 12:38:07

All the children I know who are smacked or 'tapped' by their parents end up hitting their parents and other children and the parent hasn't got a leg to stand on when telling them it is wrong. I sincerely believe it makes behavior worse in the log run.

WoTmania Tue 07-Jun-11 13:43:47

SHe's 22 months - what does he think 'tapping' her hand is going to achieve? You sound (OP) like you're doing brilliantly. You obviously have clear boundaries and accept her bahaviour for what it is (normal) while reinforcing those boundaries in a gentle, firm way.

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Tue 07-Jun-11 13:46:11

What is the point if it doesn't hurt? hmm

WoTmania Tue 07-Jun-11 14:00:25

It'll 'teach her' MoonFace, quite obviously wink

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Tue 07-Jun-11 14:16:25

ah ha! I see Wo! At last, one simple solution to all my parenting woes. So there is no longer a need to lead by example, explain social and moral norms or exhibit patience? Just a tap on the hand and the undesirable behavior will be gone forever? With no side effects or negative consequences? Why, it almost sounds too good to be true...

Sorry op, not helpfull really but maybe a starting point for a discussion with your dh...?

tiktok Tue 07-Jun-11 15:10:17

Things that hitting/tapping/smacking teaches a toddler:

* if I do X then something unpleasant/shocking happens to me even though I may not always remember what X is, and in any case, it is normal for me to do X because I am a toddler and still learning and exploring
* it is ok for a big, more powerful person to do something unpleasant/shocking to a small, powerless person

Does your dh want your dd to learn these 'lessons'?

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