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The DSs want to see my erm bits...

(19 Posts)
jamaisjedors Sun 05-Jun-11 20:39:16

DS2 (4) wanted me to wee standing up with him today.

I have talked to him about this before but obviously it hasn't sunk in.

I said I haven't got a penis, I've got a hole I wee out of, in fact, 2 holes, one for the baby to come out of and one for wee (or should that be three if we're getting onto poo but I think he knows about that!!)

So then he wanted to have a look, so I said not right now, I'm on the loo, another time.

In theory I'm fine with it, they see me naked a lot (out of the shower etc.).

But considering I only discovered my own "bits" at age 16 when I started my period, I am feeling squeamish. blush

Would you/have you?

Jackstini Sun 05-Jun-11 20:42:06

ds (2.6) has in the shower/bath and he is aware I don't have a willy sticking out. Not looked any closer than that though.

AnyFuleKno Sun 05-Jun-11 20:45:57

no, I wouldn't

Show him one of those basic anatomy pictures in a medical book.

jamaisjedors Sun 05-Jun-11 20:46:32

Yes DS1 definitely knows and I think DS2 has only just realised properly although he was aware before.

jamaisjedors Sun 05-Jun-11 20:47:33

online AnyFule? Not many medical books hanging around the house!

Madlizzy Sun 05-Jun-11 20:47:49

Tell him that they are your private bits, just as his are private to him and show him a picture in a book.

meditrina Sun 05-Jun-11 20:51:17

I don't think you need to force yourself to be a life-sized teaching aid!

You need a good book (covering bodies and the changes of puberty, also the basics of reproduction - lots to choose from in most bookshops). And do teach the usual anatomical names of parts, even though you use nns day-to-day.

jamaisjedors Sun 05-Jun-11 20:54:25

We don't use the nicknames day to day, I say penis but they say "zizi" (nn) in French (bilingual).

I don't think the DS think of them as private yet madlizzy - they are 6 and 4.

BertieBotts Sun 05-Jun-11 20:57:41

I think I'd feel uncomfortable spreading myself out for DS to have a look too - yuck!

Definitely get a book, and just explain people's privates are, well, private, and that we don't go around showing them to each other or asking to see them, because it isn't polite and it can make people feel uncomfortable.

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 06-Jun-11 08:09:59

I like to think that as a family we are open minded. My DD wanted to have a look up my banjo, I said no and told her to look up her own with the aid of a hand mirror.
I did get her a book, whose name I forget and that satisfied her curiosity.

jamaisjedors Mon 06-Jun-11 08:31:11

Could you look up the book kreecher? It's just that we are not in the UK so I only have amazon reviews to go on and can't look at the actual book.

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 06-Jun-11 12:09:26

www.amazon.co.uk/Lets-Talk-Babies-Families-Friends/dp/1406306061/ref=pd_sim_b_5
I think it was this one, I lent it to someone and she never gave it back.

Amaretti Mon 06-Jun-11 12:11:26

No. You tell him they are private. And you get him a birds and bees book for his age group. Why are you even considering this?

jamaisjedors Mon 06-Jun-11 14:06:14

Why am I considering it? I don't know.

My automatic reaction was "no" but then I don't feel embarrassed about my body in front of my children and I was brought up with NO sex education, in fact it was DH who told me I didn't pee out of my clitoris [hangs head in blush ] So I don't really know what is "normal".

Thanks for the book recommendation Kreecher.

Madlizzy Mon 06-Jun-11 16:01:54

At 6 and 4 they do need to realise that these areas are private as part of looking after themselves. It doesn't mean that they have to cover up, just that they are the ones to touch them, not other people (apart from medical etc).

pippop1 Mon 06-Jun-11 17:44:00

Jamis there is a chain of Italian restaurants here (UK) called Zizzi's. Your kids would laugh at that!

jamaisjedors Mon 06-Jun-11 19:20:35

They would pippop! Some of the children I taught in the past also laughed if you said "it's easy" because it sounded like zizi

But then English kids laugh at "oui oui" wee wee!

bebemooneedsabreak Wed 08-Jun-11 06:47:46

Well I only have a dd who is 2 and we talk about things (as she sees things). She's been in the shower with me and dh and has seen the difference. (Not that she really understands at this age) She's pointed to dh's willy and commented on it and his testicles. We discuss them openly, but 'they're not to be played with' by her if in the bath or shower together. Likewise she's asked about my bits and I've talked about them too and said that they're similar to hers (but mine are grown up so they have hair). She goes exploring with her own body already as is natural and I just remind her to be gentle and not stick anything up there as it might give her owies.
She also is quite curious about my 'milk circles' (nipples -we're expecting a 2nd child soon and we've been talking abt bfing and I've been leaky a few times that she's noticed) and looks at them and pokes at them a bit. But after a few questions and a few prods I tell her that she cannot touch them any longer.
There is nothing wrong with showing them, but I'd say that being 6/4 it's time to start setting touching limits.
I too grew up with very little sex ed, my mother didn't talk abt anything and so I only got what I picked up in books, at school and from friends (which being from a conservative area, meant not really a lot). But I wanted to be more open and honest about my body with my kids and I want my kids to feel free to question and wonder and ask abt things going on with them...
Sit down and think abt what you will feel is acceptable. Think about how much you want them to ask you in the future (which you will be comfortable answering) and start setting the limits.
Remember that kids are curious and have little embarrassment and it's US that give them the hang ups/worries. (You obviously need to make things clear abt what is private and public in the society you live in, but at the same time make it clear when it's safe to talk about things)
Good luck! I know it's struggle with oneself and what is acceptable in society. Hopefully you can find a comfortable boundary for everyone in the family.

swash Wed 08-Jun-11 12:34:21

I think it would be odd to show them.

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