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How to MAKE her listen!?

(7 Posts)
TotallyLovely Fri 03-Jun-11 11:33:19

Posted this is another thread but thought it needed help in it's own right. This morning I have had this:

dd: can you play this game with me?
me: not I've already told you I have to get xyz done so that we can go to the party later
dd: ok
(30 sec pause)
dd: can you do this project with me?
me: NNNOOOOOOOOOOO! I HAVE TOLD YOU! If I don't get xyz done we won't have time to go to the party!
dd: ok, but what about this? (picking up something else)
me: so you don't want to go to the party then?
dd: yeah
me: we can't go if I do that project with you, so which is it you want, project or party?
dd: party (goes to watch film she asked for this morning but has been ignoring)
dd: let's play a game

I have tried eye contact etc. She is just not listening. Reward charts have worked well in the past but I can't reward her every time she DOES listen so it needs to be something negative instead, a punishment I'm thinking. Don't want to be too harsh and seeing as it happens over an over it needs to be something small. Any ideas?

Octaviapink Fri 03-Jun-11 13:28:17

How old is she?

Tee2072 Fri 03-Jun-11 13:43:57

Why can't you reward her every time she does listen? Or at least give her a sticker or similar for listening and then when she has a certain number, she gets a big reward.

purplepidjin Fri 03-Jun-11 13:48:44

Egg timer. Or in fact 2. Set the first for 15 minutes which is how long she needs to occupy herself. Set the second for 5 mins which is how long she gets your attention for. Alternate smile

She gets rewarded for leaving you in peace - the reward is praise and attention rather than material goods

silverfrog Fri 03-Jun-11 13:50:14

can she help you do xyz, and then you do whatever with her?

otherwise timers, as per purplepidjin.

pregnantpause Fri 03-Jun-11 13:51:55

i think purplepidjins idea is brilliant! children really respond to fixed times (or at least mine do)

cyb Fri 03-Jun-11 13:51:59

Do you set her up with toys/stuff to do and then get on with your job? Or do you start your job and deal with the interruptions. Sounds like she needs to be shown whats expected of her first.

I think she does listen, I think she's just trying to get your attention and needs something that grabs hers

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