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I dont know what to do with toddler :(

(9 Posts)
Ballyxxx Wed 01-Jun-11 08:47:20

My toddler is 2.4mths. He has a little bro who is 17mths. Ds1 keeps hitting/pushing/kicking ds2. Ive tried time out but he just thought it was a game. At the moment im just saying no firmly and ignoring him while i comfort ds2. Im at the end of my tether with it..He doesnt do it anywhere else, just when he is at home with me or dp. I know it is an attention/bored thing. He usually strikes when i am busy or on the phone etc

I just dont think he gets time he a bit too young for it? Any suggestions??

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Wed 01-Jun-11 09:03:03

I don't believe in time out. I think you answer your own question when you say it happens when you are busy! I'd try and ensure he is engaged with something else, or helping you with what you are doing. If he needs attention find other ways to give it to him before he gets to the point of hitting etc. At least that's what i think i'd do...i'm still pg with dc2 so it,s a bit theoretical (though also based on how i handle ds and his older cousin, but obv tis different full time)

roundthehouses Wed 01-Jun-11 09:08:26

tbh I think you just can´t leave them alone together. I have a 4 yr old and a 3mo and even at 4 ds can´t really be trusted with ds. Not out of any bad intent just because he has little impulse control (it seems) and doesn´t know the way he is "playing" might not be appropriate for ds2. Every time i have popped out of the room I can be guaranteed to come back to find ds1 lying right next to ds2 waving his arms, pressing his tummy, putting a blanket over his face (!) so I can only imagine with a younger child it would be even worse!

Ballyxxx Wed 01-Jun-11 09:26:02

Yeah your right, It is defo an attention thing. I wouldnt really leave them alone much but your right it does always happen the times i do run upstairs to get something.

What do you do when they do hit though? As i said i have just been saying no firmly but it doesnt seem to be working!! I think ignoring seems like the best thing to do but then i think maybe i shouldnt be letting him away with it..

roundthehouses Wed 01-Jun-11 09:39:40

ds1 has never intentionally hurt ds2 so this issue has never come up. i think you are right to ignore ds1 and lavish attention on ds2, i didn´t have much luck either with the naughty step at this age. You can still get down to ds1´s level and say a firm "NO! DS1 that was NOT nice" and then withdraw all attention and focus on ds2 so ds1 understands the connection.

pipkin35 Wed 01-Jun-11 10:25:39

DD (2.2) hits her OLDER brother (3.6). It is an attention thing, isn't it? Thing is, they just want any attention, they don't care if it's negative. DD hits DS cos she wants attention from him, not from me! ;)
It's a tough one. Does DS1 still nap? Could you do your phonecalls then?! Or offer Ds 'snack' when you really need to make that call?! If you have to nip upstairs could you take him with you, under the guise of you 'really need his help'?!
We found that we just say "No hitting" (with added, 'That's not nice, it makes DS feel sad' explanation - depending on severity of hit) whilst looking directly at her/making sure she makes eye contact with us, and then make a GINORMOUS fuss of DS who's been hit. Seems to be working.
We tried 'naughty step' - she went mental, didn't really work for us.
What is making a huge difference is really going OTT when she's being ncie with him...didn't usually commment on that 'nomral' behaviour but am trying it more.

tostaky Wed 01-Jun-11 22:04:30

Ds1 has to say sorry and give a kiss to DS2 whenever he has hurt DS2 intentionnally or not. if he doesnt do it then he goes to his room.
if he carry on hurting his brother then it is straight to his room.
if they fight over a toy, DS1 has to ask nicely DS2 about the toy and say please. if DS2 give it to him fine, if not DS1 has to wait and if he has a tantrum then i remove the toy and he goes to his bedroom.
DS1 is 2.5 and DS2 is 14months but luckily they dont fight/hurt each other a lot.

SilveryMoon Wed 01-Jun-11 22:13:32

It's hard isn't it?
My ds1 is 3.10 and ds2 is 2.4yrs and they can both be bad for hitting the other one.
They seem to just really enjoy upsetting/hurting each other and I don't know what to do half the time.
I am saying firmly, no and that we do not hit etc, not sure what else to do.
My ds2 tried to throw a scooter at ds1 the other day whilst I was cooking dinner, so for everyone's safety, he had to be strapped into his pushchair where I could see him whilst ds1 stayed in the living room watching telly.
Was awful, I just didn't know what else to do.
So I have no answers for you OP.
Mine only really do it at home too, but I was talking on another thread about it and one poster suggeted that maybe it's because I try to give them too much attention, as they only battle like that for me, not for dp who is more of the mind to leave them to do whatever they want, whereas I want interaction, conversation and so on.

SilveryMoon Wed 01-Jun-11 22:15:34

I saw a crazy thing yesterday when I was out shopping. A mum had 2 boys with her and the younger one hit the older one (they might have been 7 and 9) and them mum then hit the younger one (not hard) and said "now everytime you hit him, I'm going to hit you" confused not sure that'll get the message across hmm

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