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How to get 'the love back'?! Really going off my 3.6 year old!

(12 Posts)
pipkin35 Tue 31-May-11 12:35:35

Finding this parenting lark a real struggle at the moment. Hoping a recent change will improve things - from both DC's being in nursery 3 full days to just 5 mornings.

My constant winging, moaning TV/DVD obsessed non playing 3.6 yr old is such a grouch at the moment that although I know he needs more attention - not less - I'm finding myself withdrawing from him. This has been going on for a couple of weeks and now it seems he's really starting to prefer OH, too. So he must sense this...?!

I seem to have lost perspective and don't have any patience, keep telling him 'Oh, just stop your whinging!' rather than trying to speak to him about it like I used to.

I find I can deal much better with 2 yr olds explosive frequent tantrums more easily than constant thumb sucking, dragging himself around, lolling on the sofa etc...

How do I get the fun back?! Do I just 'fake it' til I feel it?! (I'm terrible at this!)

NeverendingStoryteller Tue 31-May-11 12:42:01

How about a day out, just the two of you, somewhere fun that you'll both like? I went through this a little while ago with my 5 year old and we both found a day out together made a huge difference.

GooGooMuck Tue 31-May-11 12:44:28

I tried that, he played up, I got livid sad

GooGooMuck Tue 31-May-11 12:47:45

I concentrate on the nicest bits of the day.

we share a film, read a story and talk at bedtime.

Do the nicest bits, and fake the rest! smile

Kitsilano Tue 31-May-11 12:51:38

Just remember everything is a phase and it will pass. I went through this too and felt really guilty for a while. I tried to fake it but certainly wasn't feeling it.

But a few months down the line my DD is suddenly much easier to be around, less whiny and it all feels much easier and the love is back.

BornToFolk Tue 31-May-11 12:55:49

Yeah, fake it till you make it. I have a 3.6 year old too and know how trying they can be...We can both get stroppy with each other and it becomes a cycle. I give us both a break (I MN, he Cbeebies) and then find something fun to do...usually more fun for him than me!
Is there anything you both enjoy doing? Both me and DS really like gardening and cooking so if we start getting grumpy, I try and do one of those.

JarethTheGoblinKing Tue 31-May-11 12:59:55

We've been away recently and have noticed a massive improvemend in DS since he's watching a LOT less TV (he was watching a fair bit before). I do sympathise, went through a similar phase with DS (he's 3.6 as well) just a few weeks ago, it did pass, things have got easier again.. doing more things together, and just being daft with him have helped, but I think it was just a phase..

sorry, that's not spectacularly helpful, is it? confused

whitechocolatebuttons Tue 31-May-11 13:01:25

lay on the floor and invite him over for a cuddle. clear your mind of everything else and just enjoy him for a bit. he'll be grown before you know it.

overmydeadbody Tue 31-May-11 13:02:48

Oh I can relate to this, really hard sometimes with my AS DS.

I make a conscious effort to remember and list in my head all the lovely things about him, the lovely times we have shared, the hugs and kisses, the times when he has been sweet and lovely and a pleasure to be with.

Then I 'fake' it, stay really really calm through the storms, hug him tight lots (helps calm him down and feel safe when he looses it) and try not to let his behaviour impact on me emotionally.

Having said that, I don't always have the patience to do this, I rise to his anger, I shout, I get cross, I ignore him, then he puts his arms around me and I feel guilty and like the worst mum in the world sad

I am making a coscious effort to have fun with him, on his terms, after a disasterous weekend. Toay he has been lovely so far, and the nicer I am to him the better he seems to be at controlling his outbursts. E.g just now, I asked him to tidy his room, immediately there was an outburst, he shook wih anger, he shouted "no", but I just got down on his floor, and spoke to him like he was 3 "come on DS, tidy your room and then there'l be room on the floor for us to build a den" (he likes enclosed spaces), I went on "it looks really messy doesn' it? It must seem overwhelming, just start by putting all the cars away" Then when the cars were away I said "no pick up all the books" etc. etc. and he managed to calm down, tidy his room, smile (!!!) talk nicely back to me and now he has a den to play in and I am not stressed, but I could have gone down the road of loosing it and shouting at him to tidy up etc which would have made him worse and worse.

This parenting thing is not easy...

nokissymum Tue 31-May-11 13:07:10

Spend some quiet times going over all his baby photos, remembering what a joy he was, then look at him now and remember that underneath that stroppy, winging exterior is still you loveable baby.

This is just a phase, he will surely outgrow smile

mousymouse Tue 31-May-11 13:10:08

been there last year. didn't really help that his baby sister needed a lot of attention...
we sometimes go to the library together, or the museum or just a small bike tour.
what also helped us was limiting the screen time. 1 hour max during the week, 2 hours max on the weekends. he can choose how he spends his screen time, i.e. computer, film, ceebeebies...
I also worked on my behaviour. instead of getting snappy I try to take a breath in and reply something funny. he: mummy you stink! (trying to wind me up) I: do you think that stone just farted? he: hihihi, no it was that tree

it is just a phase, honest.

nokissymum Tue 31-May-11 13:15:43

Spend some quiet times going over all his baby photos, remembering what a joy he was, then look at him now and remember that underneath that stroppy, winging exterior is still you loveable baby.

This is just a phase, he will surely outgrow smile

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