I have thought long and hard about posting this and how to explain it. I am not sure if I am being a touch sensitive as relations with MIL are always civil but painfully (for me anyway) lacking in real emotional connection. I find her very hard going, sadly DH frequently does to. Anyway...
I am uncomfortable with my MIL stated suggestion for what she wants to do on her birthday. She wants to take DD aged 2 off for the afternoon possibly with SIL and presumably go into town, have lunch, eat ice cream, the details of this are missing. She and SIL have discussed this together and this was presented a fortnight ago as the thing they would do on the birthday day (a Saturday) which my husband is unable to attend as he is going to a wedding, children not invited. I am not going to the wedding as I had assumed I would look after DD and will be a couple of weeks off giving birth to DD2. I was not asked at any stage what I would be doing or think of any of this. I was not actually spoken to about it either, it was spoken to my husband with me present, most conversation with MIL happens like this. The ideas was mooted as a way of "helping me out" when DH was at wedding.
This is categorically not about helping me out, the birthday is in 8 weeks time and I am crippled with PGP right now. If she wanted to help she could visit this week and do a bit of shopping and vacuum the house. That is a sugar coating on what is a request for DD to be with her for the day as her birthday treat. MIL has suggested nothing else, no dinner in a nice restaurant, no trip out nothing else to do on her birthday or the day after when we can all attend. It is also clear from request that I am not invited to this afternoon out.
I feel instinctively that there is something wrong about having a little child be the sole treat for a grown up's birthday. What if she is feeling poorly or is a bit confused by grandma taking her off for the day/afternoon without mummy and gets ratty and upset? There is great deal of expectation being placed on her little head here to basically perform and give grandma a nice time. I feel she is not being seen as a little person in her own right, more as an emotional fix for MIL. And why am I not included?
Does this seem normal or am I seeing a demon MIL where none exists?
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Parenting
should grandchild be a "treat" on grandmother's birthday?
31 replies
MamaLaMoo · 25/05/2011 16:16
OP posts:
StayFr0sty ·
25/05/2011 16:36
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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