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Decisions Decisions! Baby at 41??

(20 Posts)
LisaGirl Wed 18-May-11 10:37:01

Hi, I am new to this site so apologies if I babble on too much or don't use the correct abbreviations!! Last week, my hubby announced that he'd like us to try for another baby! He's 44 and I'm 40 (41 in October). We already have 2 wonderful and healthy children, our daughter who is 10 next week and our son who is 5. I have always hankered after a 3rd, though at times felt guilty when friends and family have struggled to have one at all and would we be pushing our luck with wanting a 3rd and being a 'mature' new parent! Our daughter had started full time school at 4 when we had our son and I enjoyed having that time with her before her brother came along so wanted a similar age gap. Anyway, my father in law passed away suddenly and our business struggled with the recession so having another baby wasn't at the forefront of our minds. A couple of years on and many conversations later about 'should we' or 'shouldn't we', my husband is now keen for number 3. On top of making a decision, I am a terrible terrible worrier, so much so, I get on my own nerves by how much I worry about every day stuff (used to travel around the world with my job before I had children, didn't worry about anything, children came along and now I must be the world's worst for worrying!). So, to try and conclude, can anyone offer advice on having a baby after 40. We were extremely lucky to fall pregnant on the first attempt with both our children so if we were to try for a 3rd and it happens quickly again, I would be 41. I have read a few threads on here which I have found helpful but is there anyone who is going through or has been through a similar situation. Also, being an indecisive Libran doesn't help either, I almost wish it had happened by accident, then it would take the decision making away!

Flossie69 Wed 18-May-11 10:48:57

I would say go for it! We have DS who is just 12, and now DD, who is about to turn 1 yr old. I was 40 when I fell with DD, which was a bit of a surprise with such a gap, but I had wanted another for a long time.
I did not find my age an issue at all - if anything it has made me feel younger. DS dotes on his little sister too.
I also find I am a much more relaxed Mummy this time around.
Best of luck smile

ohfuckohfuckohfuckduck Wed 18-May-11 10:52:06

I say go for it.

I am in my early 40's.

And broody.

deliciousdevilwoman Wed 18-May-11 20:41:28

Definitely go for it! I have grown up twin sons aged 22, and thought I didn't want any more children. I met my husband 5 years ago and had a change of heart. Sadly we suffered two miscarriages in 2006 and 2008. I fell pregnant unexpectedly last April. I was 41. We now have a beautiful, healthy, 5 months old baby daughter.

quickchat Wed 18-May-11 21:04:49

deliciousdevilwoman I love stories like that, so nice!

Well im just being nosey with your post as Im always thinking about a third (constantly) but had too many health issues in PG and after. Small but stacked up, puts me off.

I just wanted to say you are not the worlds biggest worrier - I am ok. NOBODY worries more than me.
I over think, analize and worry about every damn thing.
The future is a scary scary place for my head to wander into and it wanders often!

I am also a Libran so know the pitfalls of that infliction!

I have to say, it sounds like you are both very ready for baby number 3 and thats not going to just disapear. Time is also ticking so don't waste another minute - go for it. I think you'd regret it as you seem keen on the idea.

Now thats easy for me to say!!wink

Rosepip Wed 18-May-11 23:41:40

deliciousdevilwoman - wow, how inspiring and congratulations smile quickchat - can''t believe there's someone else on this planet who worries more than me and is also a Libran!!!! I am just the same, I overthink everything BIG TIME, I must waste so much time worrying, wish I could switch it off and just go with the flow more! I think its harder making the decision to have a 3rd child, when we've been blessed with two, one of each too. I'm an only child and hate it so I never questioned not having a 2nd but a 3rd presents a whole different take on things, particularly when Mother Nature is breathing down your neck!! I think deep down, I would regret it but its just getting my head around it all. The clock is ticking and my husband asked me today if I'd made a decision (not a good question for a Libran!) aarrgghhhhhh!! confused

Tee2072 Thu 19-May-11 07:15:19

you should come on over to Forty Towers (you too, delicioiusdevilwoman) we are all 40+ and mostly with small children.

I had my son at 40. He's 2 next month.

SingOut Thu 19-May-11 13:32:04

It sounds as though you want a child, just don't want to have to be the one to say 'Okay, lets do it' (fnar fnar grin) in case it turns out to be a bit more of a challenge than you expected. I'm 27 and my son is two and a half. If I reached 40 I'd be looking forward to when the youngest left home, but I've never travelled around the world and would love to do that when my son is older. As you have done all that before having kids, perhaps another would be a great idea, so long as you don't mind going back to the beginning again.

CordeliaCatkin Thu 19-May-11 15:08:29

I conceived my DD2 soon after my 40th birthday (I was one month shy of 41st when she was born). I don't have huge amounts of stamina so pregnancy was a strain and I needed lots of rest, but having a small baby was fine. Lots of my friends were same sort of age and older mums are the norm where I live anyway. I think you know deep down whether you truly want a third or not. If you do, go for it (straight away). If you don't, then don't!

BelleDameSansMerci Thu 19-May-11 15:14:04

Tee beat me to it - do come on down to Forty Towers!

Another Libra here. I was 41 when I conceived my darling DD (now 3.8). I never planned to have children at all so the whole thing was a bit strange. The pregnancy and birth were a doddle though. It's the parenting that I find, erm, challenging and you already know how to do that!

FetchTheMaid Thu 19-May-11 15:32:58

Don't dither - just get on with it - because you really don't have time on your side. Just because you fell pregnant quickly before is no indicator of what will happen now that you're older.

I'm 44 and have a 15 month old - who is an absolute delight.

Also have another 4 DC who I fell pregnant with first time, every time - 3 of them in my late 20's and one in my mid 30's. So when at 40 I decided I wanted another I assumed it would be a piece of cake.

However it was a couple of years and 3 miscarriages later when I finally had dc5 - pregnancy was really easy as well though and it was another natural birth.

Cannot stress enough that if you don't get a move on, you won't have a choice.

Best of luck

Quenelle Thu 19-May-11 16:26:07

Go for it.

I'm 42 and desperate for #2.

Rosepip Thu 19-May-11 19:23:22

Went to see my GP today for a bit of advice and came away feeling like he disapproved of me having another child at my age sad He looked shocked shock when I mentioned it and all he could really say was about the high risk of having a baby with Down's. I have already baffled myself with statistics, and being the Libran worrier I am, have over thought all possibilities of things that could go wrong. I guess at the end of the day, its my heart and my head battling with eachother, my heart say yes and my head says no. Can't think straight and can think of nothing else. Its uplifting to read your comments on here, I am a 'young' 40 if you know what I mean, I feel no different to how I felt 10 years ago, maybe a bit more tired but who doesn't, juggling work, family, home etc., so as I'm sat here tying this and trying to rationalise with myself, maybe I will go for it!!!! Big decision for a Libran, I can tell you smile

boohoohoo Thu 19-May-11 19:47:24

I'm 40, trying, have had two mcs in the last year and feel like I should give up, but reading the positives on here I going to keep going, hopefully be able to come and give some good news soon!

BelleDameSansMerci Thu 19-May-11 21:24:09

Get on with it Rosepip!

quickchat Fri 20-May-11 13:28:41

rosehip a Doctor is really just a person at the end of the day. Everyone has different opinions and that happened to be his. I bet if you go to see a different GP tomorrow he or she would be totally different.

We don't need the GP telling us of the risk of Downs, we know that already.

I think you need to stop thinking (say's she) and get jiggy - then come back and tell us how you get on..........not with the jiggy blush, the baby!

mamacorner Fri 20-May-11 14:56:52

You really should go for it, I was in almost exactjy your situation..(although can't blame my indecision on my starsign, i was just born that way!!wink)
But had years of wanting a third after two healthy pregnancies. Either the time wasn't "right" and when we did we lost two pregnancies at 12 weeks.
I tried to rationalise the whole thing "two healthy kids" " "almost 40" etc but the need didn't go away.

At almost 41 I had a beautiful DD, following a healthy, if tiring, pregnancy and straight forward birth. She's 13 weeks, SO gorgeous, her 10 & 12 year old siblings and DH dote on her. Being older means I'm more relaxed, have WAY more patience and I'm loving every minute (even the 3am feeds!!)She was absolutely worth all the worry and wait.

Good luck .

betty1968 Tue 02-Aug-11 20:27:59

Hi, I am 42 and just recently found out i am pregnant. I am terrified! Not sure if I can go through with it. I have 3 older children and thought my days of nappies was well and truely over! I am panicking about everything at the moment. so worried about downs etc..

swash Tue 02-Aug-11 21:11:16

I was 40 when I conceived dd2, who was born two months before my 41st. I feel complete with her.

Go for it if you want one deep down.

swash Tue 02-Aug-11 21:12:17

Betty, all the very best to you.

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