"I want my brown blanket RIGHT NOW!"

[phdlife]

It's naptime. ds (4.1) has had stories, a song, and abundant ritualistic kissing, by now he wants his brown blanket. Said blanket is in laundry on account of having been saturated by leaky nappy this morning. ds knows this.

"Sorry, it's still in the wash. You can have your bear blanket or your truck blanket."

"I WANT MY BROWN BLANKET RIGHT NOW!"

Variations of this discussion have played out in what should be the closing minutes of the last four or five bedtimes (for brown blanket, substitute the missing water bottle, the lost book, some random toy). It may be accompanied by drumming of heels on wall, screeching or roaring, while 2yo dd is trying to get off to sleep next door.

Reasoning doesn't work.

Ignoring him doesn't work.

Carting him out and making him sit alone on the sofa for ten or so minutes does work ("mama, what was I having a tantrum about?"), although
a) I still then have to get him back to bed, with extra settling because he's wound himself up
b) he's then tired and crabby the next day or afternoon
c) this is no way to conduct a civilised bedtime, and
d) I feckin want my feckin no-kids time

I've got no idea where this came from, although I suspect it's a mutated form of the "I can't get to sleep" shouts which translated accurately to, "I don't want you to go, mama" and which seem to be related to his having started kindy a couple of months ago. He likes kindy, but since starting he's regressed a bunch of habits ("I need you to feed me, mama.") and I am going coco bananas without a feckin clue.

help, please. I really wanted to smack him today.

[Parly]

Personally - I'd threaten to set fire to the said blanket before his very eyes if he behaves like that again.

[ellifino]

He sounds overtired and anxious about changes in his life.

Big picture: Reassure him that you are still there for him and he is still your baby. Let him be babyish. Give him extra cuddles. If he is going to grow up and conquer the world he needs to have very firm, safe foundations.

Small picture: If he really needs a nap could you snuggle up with him in your bed and let him drop off there?

[ratsnapper]

Why is he still having a nap at age 4? Just skip the nap and go for an hour of bad mood and bed by 6.45pm.

[ellifino]

Some children need to nap at 4. My eldest did. They are all different.

[ratsnapper]

But if he was really tired he would fall asleep quickly and not make all these excuses. Sounds like he's not that tired and is ready to drop the nap.

[ellifino]

You could be right and that might be what's going on ratsnapper.

I am just remembering going through a similar phase with my daughter when she did need the nap and was hard to get to sleep. It is so frustrating because all anyone tells you is "drop the nap! drop the nap!!" and she genuinely needed a sleep in the daytime. She still sleeps a lot now and will often have a nap in the afternoon, though now it is only if she wants to and takes herself off.

I guess I find in UK people are desperate for children to stop napping. In many parts of the world it is normal for everyone to nap if they want to.

OP's ds has a lot going on. And his brown blanket tantrum sounds like classic overtiredness to me.

[ellifino]

BestName makes a good point. I have hoiked frankly disgusting blankies out of the washing pile before now.

[ratsnapper]

I think it's fine to go for the nap if you're happy for them to be up late in the evening. For me though, I prefer to put them to bed early. Once they go all day to school they can't nap anyway. I have friends whose dc sleeps after school then is up until 10-11pm, and then is knackered and school and can't concentrate. I find that a bit ridiculous.

[phdlife]

thanks for all this input.

ratsnapper - kid totally still needs (and mostly wants) his nap - he'll nap up to two hours on non-kindy days and still go to bed on time. over-tired far more likely to be the issue for him. As he is so shattered by kindy I'm already worried about how he'll cope with school, but fortunately I've got 8 months to solve that problem...

and I take your point, BestName, but hard to do with him moving the goalposts continually.

it turns out that what was bugging him was dh being away for the weekend. dh does this at least once a month and a couple of times a year for longer, and I simnply never thought of it because it has never bugged ds before, but I got the clue by how happy and relaxed he suddenly became when dh got home. Sunday night bedtime was a piece of cake, despite the brown blanket being still on the line after the rain got it.