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29 going on a 100!!

(41 Posts)
Alexsmum Tue 25-Sep-01 23:24:28

Does anyone else have those days when you feel so old it just makes you want to cry? Well, I'm having one today. I haven't stopped all day but i've been doing things like taking ds to toddler group,attacking the laundry mountain,and putting the kitchen back together after a recent disaster.I've had builders in for the past 2 weeks and when today I finally thought it was all sorted , the washing machine went on the blink so I think we're going to need a new one.More money. And to top it all off, while I scurried around this evening dh lounged on the sofa watching tv all evening.I felt like we had finally turned into my parents. Don't get me wrong ,he's normally really good but he's having a rough time at work at the moment and is really grumpy about it and about all the work in the house and the fact that said house seems to be falling down around our ears.
I couldn't help but think wistfully about being 18 and smooching with strange boys in discos and the only worries being whether you can afford a new dress to go out on saturday night.
Moan moan moan . Sorry.Just needed to get it off my chest.

Lizzer Wed 26-Sep-01 09:34:16

I know what you mean and I think I know the answer: Hang out at sixth form colleges and note the spotty faces, bad attitudes and dress sense that go with said 18 yr olds - and remember what it was REALLY like having no money and no clue!! But really Alexsmum, I do it all the time myself it's like you know that whatever happens in your life from now on you'll never feel that free of responsibility which, at the time, you took it for granted - damn! :)

Hope you're having a better day today.....!

Mooma Wed 26-Sep-01 12:25:51

In my opinion this business of being a real grown-up is not all it's cracked up to be!!

Mooma Wed 26-Sep-01 12:26:38

PS, I wish I were 29 again! :)

Joe Wed 26-Sep-01 12:34:58

I wouldnt like to be 29 again Id still be with my pig of an ex husband but I would like time to slow down so I can make the most of time with the brill life I have now. My husand is younger than me by 6 years so to catch him with age each birthday that we have been together I have taken a year off. I think your 20's are very much life finding years and when you hit 30 you tend to be more chilled about everything, although I dont like the creaky joints in the morning.

Hmonty Thu 27-Sep-01 09:53:42

Alexsmum,
Sounds like you need a big hug and a very large glass of wine....Please accept an internet hug from me. Hope you're having a better day today.

Have you tried checking out your old school friends on www.friendsreunited.com? You think you're bad...some of the postings are so dull these people must be close to suicidal or have turned into zombies already...ie I work in IT....And??? Try it. Made me feel better! You're life can't possibly be as bad as these! Honest!

Hmonty Thu 27-Sep-01 10:00:52

Opps it's www.friendsreunited.co.uk

Squiffysister Thu 27-Sep-01 10:09:57

I couldn't help but smile to myself, I am so fed up with staying in every evening being bogged down with all the domestic trivia, that I thought to myself enough is enough I am only 36 years young! I need to have a girls night out, my friends all feel the same way and we have arranged to go to a 70`s & 80`s disco this evening, we are all really excited about it, planning what we are going to wear etc. Alexsmum I`m so pleased you have heard of smooching, I had a few strange looks when I mentioned the fact that I always booked taxis 10 minutes later to allow for the smooch and snog!

Toasty Thu 27-Sep-01 12:37:45

Alexsmum you are not the only one I wandered round this lunch hour trying to gather up some enthusiasm to buy myself something new but in the end I felt like whats the point I dont go anywhere, people at work expect me to look like a tired mum and I dont want to disappoint them!! I have no problem buying stuff for ds or dp come that its like I have turned into an old lady before my time and hate myself for it. I'm always tired working/cleaning/entertaining ds or cooking dp's favourite dinners what happened to the good looking bird who loved to dance!! Feeling sorry myself today too!!!!!!!! I love being a mum but why has it made me so serious at home though I can still summon up a sense of humour at work?

Lisav Thu 27-Sep-01 12:41:28

You know, you don't have to be old really. I go playing badminton with a girlfriend once a week, after which we go to the pub and have a giggle. DH doesn't mind as he plays squash with his mate once a week too. Then every Friday I go out into town with friends to let my hair down and act as though I am single again with no worries (although most of my friends are in couples now!) and on Saturday night he does the same.
Then on the rare occasion we get a babysitter, like this weekend for example, we will both go out. And because it's such a treat to go out together, we feel like courting youths again!

You should all try this, there's no reason why you can't go out and let your hair down no matter what age you are. And seeing all the skinny girls in tiny skirts and boob tubes really cheer me up, as it reminds me that I really DON'T want to be their age today!

You never really grow up until you have a child do you?

Tigger2 Thu 27-Sep-01 13:01:03

Joe, I have found the perfect solution for the creaky joints, COD LIVER OIL in capsule form with Evening Primrose Oil as well. It also seems to have stopped the excess facial fur! on the chin as I post some time ago there is a hair lurking about on my chin and if it gets to a certain length it cracks like a whip in a wind!. Must admit that since turning 30 I'm now 31 all parts of the body with hair seem to have gone a bit astray, they now seem to grow at will, bit embarassing when going into the swimming pool with what looks like 2 lions necks strapped to my inner thighs.
Alexsmum know what you mean, I get days when I could run away and then decide if I did I'd probably forget something and have to go back again!

Joe Thu 27-Sep-01 13:04:15

Thanks Tigger2 I will have to get some. It just seems to be my ankles, they dont want to belong to me first thing in the morning and cant quite walk properly for a few steps. Thanks for the giggle, Im going to have to have a shave tonight now.

Azzie Thu 27-Sep-01 14:19:32

I'd just like, once in a while, to be able to leave work on a Friday evening, think "What the hell, I can't be bothered to cook" and go straight down the pub for several drinks and a curry, with no concerns about having to get home to deal with kids etc. Spontenaity has definitely gone out of my life since the kids came into it.

Harrysmum Thu 27-Sep-01 15:02:19

I don't mean this to sound bad but I am so glad that there are other people who feel like this. I had a very long cry on dh's shoulder because it really it home being on holiday (if that makes sense...) just how frustratingly limiting life has become now that we have ds. I feel very young to have a baby (28 next March) and that there are a lot of things that I would like to have done before having children (paying off credit card bill being one!!). It didn't help that we had planned not to think about children until I was 30 because as far as we were aware we couldn't have children and had planned to pursue adoption from China. It's not that I dislike ds and would want not to have him but sometimes I would like not to have a baby... It did get me down for a long time over our holiday esp over finances and I am feeling better than I was but didn't think that I was really the thing to admit... thank you alexsmum for opening up what feels like a huge taboo which probably makes the feelings worse rather than being able to come out and say that right now I find it really hard being a mum...

Minx Thu 27-Sep-01 21:21:14

Oh Toasty, you hit a nerve! I'm this horrible grumpy, can't-wait-til-she's-in-bed woman at home but laughing and gregarious at work. I catch sight of myself sometimes in a shop mirror and I'm this scowling woman I don't recognise. Weekends just seem to be spent trying to fill in time til it's back to work. How come other people find my daughter a character and yet I feel I'm so tired and generally pissed off I just miss it all? I miss doing nothing unhindered. With a child you, well I do, feel that you should be doing "something" all the time. I don't even have the energy to speak most evenings.

Munchkinsugarpie Thu 27-Sep-01 21:31:28

Thanks O thanks for these great messages! Tigger2 - I'm still guffawing loudly about chin fuzz ... what the hell's that all about, eh? You know, my one fear is ending up in an old folks home with a grey beard (like my nan did) and my grey roots gleaming for the world to see, and me not realising it. Yuk ..

Happily though, my partner (a whopping 11 yrs younger than me) is experiencing the unwanted tickle of what seem to be pubic nose hairs.... he's not amused, but I am! It's a wonder I don't cut his nostrils as I sympathetically trim them...

You know, I didn't become a mum till I was 41 - career girl until then... I'm not working now and my life has stopped! When that awful question of "What do you do?" comes up in social situations, I find myself embarrassed as I say I'm at home with my son nowadays... conversation now seems to dry up then. I feel SO old that even when I do arrange to go out with the girls, I'm so bloody tired, I can't be bothered.... it's such an effort, but I'm glad when I do, I suppose..

By the way, what does all the initials 'ds' 'dh' etc. mean... is that just initials for your family, or am I missing a cool code?

Stompy Thu 27-Sep-01 22:12:19

I'm glad I found these messages, and now I don't feel so bad for wanting life to go back to the way it used to be sometimes. I'm only 21, with a 5 month old dd (munchkinsugarpie, dd stands for dear daughter, ds for dear son, etc), and already feel old! I try not to look it though, and dress the same as the 18 year olds with "bad dress sense" lol!
Luckily I have great in-laws (yes they do exist!!!) who often babysit, sometimes overnight on a Friday night.

Chairmum Thu 27-Sep-01 23:11:06

I know this isn't going to help any of you at the moment but hey, there *is* life after children! My youngest began full time school this week and it feels wonderful after 26 years of raising children. So hang on in there, you'll come out the other end eventually! :)

Jacquikd Fri 28-Sep-01 10:14:12

Alexsmum,

I read all these messages and would just like to add one point about you wishing you were 18 and smooching with strange boys in discos.

It is okay when you just think about it, but please do not go there.

I have been married 10 years today and felt like you did about 2 years ago but I took it one step further and started an affair with a guy at work. Believe me, it was not worth it. I am still with my dh (just about - working at it HARD at the moment - I also post under "should I leave or should I go" under Relationships) but this was the biggest mistake of my life, for which I am still paying.

I felt exactly like you did, working part-time, feeling life was passing me by and there was a life out there to live and I wanted to be part of it.

While the affair was going on, it was great but I never saw the consequences of what I was doing and now it is the biggest regret of my life.

Emmaf Fri 28-Sep-01 11:09:22

Really feel like I'm doing OK these days yet I find myself crying as i read these messages - not even sure why. Am 26 with 18 month old son. Pregnancy was not planned but after a while I got quite into the idea of being young and funky earth mother and was really looking forward to it. But then once son was born I got post natal depression - and have still never managed to recover enough to feel as happy being a mum as I had hoped I would be. Instead, your messages strike such a chord with me. I'm 26, have boobs saggier than my grandmothers, and am always so bloody tired that I have become obsessed by how many hours sleep I can manage to get each night. What happened???

Cam Fri 28-Sep-01 11:34:03

Like Chairmum says it does get better as they get older in lots of ways - they get nearer to leaving home for a start! But what we should all remember is that the child-free people still going out a lot and snogging unknown young men, etc, are actually all doing it in the desperate hope that they will meet someone to marry and have children with! Some of them will not succeed but we're lucky because we all have - it's why we're here, after all. I think it is more likely that "they" are envying us!

Batters Fri 28-Sep-01 11:35:29

Run away Tigger2? Would it really be worth it - cooking enough meals for rest of family to survive on, doing loads of washing so they wouldn't have to wear dirty clothes, retrieving emergency numbers in case of said emergency, informing nursery/school, arranging childcare and entertainment in advance - never mind the bleeding packing!! On a more positive note it is my birthday on Sunday and tomorrow I am having a whole day of ME ME ME. I have planned it to the last detail - morning greasy breakfast in completely un child friendly cafe, shopping for me only (not sure if I will manage to stick to that one though). In the afternoon I am going to the picces to see something completely unsuitable for anybody under 18. It is so sad but I am really excited about this!

Rhiannon Fri 28-Sep-01 18:27:32

Happy Birthday Batters. My DH announced he is going out with the boys all day tomorrow. So I've booked my two children into the creche at the shopping centre between 1 and 3 so I can have 2 hours of uninterrupted bliss! Haven't been 'proper' shopping for ages.

Minx Fri 28-Sep-01 18:28:48

Well, Cam, I snogged an unknown man at a disco and that's why I'm a mum. I certainly wasn't looking for someone to marry but I certainly wasn't looking to become a mum either! And I thought you couldn't get pregnant from kissing.

Willow2 Fri 28-Sep-01 21:27:53

Batters, first Happy Birthday. Secondly, nothing sad about your day "off". Christ, I feel excited if I get to go to Sainsburys without my son. Now that is sad.
Everyone - thank God I am not alone! I love my son to bits but feel that my life (and brain) left with the placenta. I'm a stay at home mum - (not necessarily through choice as I was very ill after the birth and am still unable to work as a result, although don't know how easy it would have been to go back if it had been an option!) - and find it a thousand times harder than I had ever expected. I hate my loss of independence and freedom, (and the looks I get when I tell people what I do when before they were eager to hear more about my job). It's as if I have ceased to be me and am now just mum and wife. Having just returned from holiday, where I was lucky enough to be able to make use of a kids club and get some time to myself, I'm feeling floored by the relentless regime I have come back to. I have good "mum" friends who are my life line, and I try to get out and about and do different things as much as possible, but I find it so hard to accept how different (and relatively dull) my life has become. I don't know if it's my age - 34 - or the fact that I had a really good career that I had hoped to return to part-time, but some days I just want to turn that clock right back.

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