Bad mummy

[SGertie]

I'm at the end of my tether with ds (7) at the moment. He just seems to know which buttons to press with me - he answers back, he has developed attitude, he fights with dd and has started turning his nose up at most meals I cook. I've spent more time telling him off than having fun with him lately.
Ironically everyone else thinks he is an angel.
I'm not proud of myself but I really snapped at him this evening, telling him he has become a selfish spoilt brat
I felt terrible afterwards - I still do. I apologised immediately and told him I really shouldn't have done that.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom to help me please? I do try to give him positive attention, I'm just not good at ignoring the bad behaviour.

[Thomcat]

Why would you ignore his bad behaviour. Sorry, sounds like he neede telling, you finally did it and then you apologise? How's he going to learn and respect you if you do that?

How do you usually deal with it when he answers you back, gives you attitude etc?

[SGertie]

The trouble is I really shouted at him, I wasn't the mature adult explaining his behaviour isn't on
I think I need to ignore some of his bad behaviour to try to not give him the attention when he's naughty. It seems to be a perpetuating circle, I tell him off, he misbehaves more IYSWIM

[SGertie]

Sorry I didn't answer your question, I usually send him to his room when he answers back etc. I'm just getting very worn down by it right now, this isn't working but I know shouting like I did won't help and is definitely not the right thing to do

[ninjamonkey]

i agree, he needed discipline, its at this age when they need to learn the difference between right/wrong behaviour. if you leave it then it will only get worse and once they go past the age of primary school they won't listen even more and it will be (almost) impossible to change bad behaviour then.

i agree with Thomcat, its difficult to earn respect if you just apologise very quickly for what you did. if you feel you need to apologise for shouting the best way would be to sit them down, explain to them what they did wrong and why and why you weren't happy with their behaviour or ask them what they think they did wrong and why you weren't happy. before then making up and then that would be the time to apologise for your action and say you don't like shouting, if you have to.

you aren't a bad mummy, it would be worse to ignore the bad behaviour. In my opinion you just have to be firm but fair with discipline. Its better for you to be the one to discipline rather than if someone else did it one day!

[Thomcat]

Oh I see sorry, youi came across as someone who let her son walk over her for a minute, sorry.

It all sounds exhausting for you

Maybe some 1-2-1 time this weekend, take him out, talk to him, tell him how he's making you feel a bit sad and how you'd like him to traet you and his siter the way he'd like to be treated. Remind him of that every time he is rude etc? Not sure what to suggest other than look disappointed when he is rude, answers back etc and say 'you're not being nice and that makes me sad' etc?

I'm sure it's just a blip that will pass, it's just a matter of keeping calm till it does.

Losing your temper and really shouting isn't great but iyou are only human and shouldn't beat yourself up, we all smap sometimes, or I know I do.

[SGertie]

Thanks Ninja, some good advice on how to handle this. I must admit I can't really see anyone else having to discipline him, his teachers and the other mums think butter wouldn't melt.
Thomcat, no need to apologise. I will do the 1-2-1 this weekend, I think quality time together may be what he needs, and I can talk to him about his behaviour upsetting dd and me.
Now, does anyone have any tips on keeping my cool through this? (apart from counting to 10!)

[SGertie]

Ps Thomcat thanks for admitting you sometimes shout too. It makes me feel a bit better

[lovecorrie]

Oh blimey, I'm so guilty of this - dd5 is a totally spolt brat at times and I have screamed at her before when she's been utterly vile. Sometimes it just gets to you. I have no real advice cos i felt like shit when I did it [asd] It;s so hard.