Not coping with DS(2.8yo) - it's all going wrong.

[NotANiceMummy]

I've namechanged for this because I'd hate for anyone who knows me in RL to see this.

DS(2.8) is so stroppy. We have full-on tantrums about everything - he doesn't want to eat his breakfast, he doesn't want to put his clothes on, he doesn't want to take his clothes off, he doesn't want to eat his dinner, he doesn't want to get in his bath, he doesn't want to get out of his bath. Often these tantrums involve flailing limbs, screaming and shouting. I try not to give in and I try to remain calm.

This after
NO

[NotANiceMummy]

That was my phone playing up, not an example of my current parenting technique. Will continue now...

[NotANiceMummy]

This afternoon, he wanted to be carried the remaining 1 minute walk back to our house. I am 5 months pregnant and he is heavy, so I really can't do this anymore. He screamed, refused to move from the pavement and, in the end, because we were right by a busy road and I feared for his safety, I had to pick him up. I was really angry and I told him he had been very naughty and that it had hurt mummy.

Even though this kind of emotional blackmail is really horrible, I just felt so annoyed and really helpless; I didn't know what else to do. To cap it all off, we got home and I sobbed in front of him for 5 minutes. What a nice mummy.

At the moment, he's always asking for Grandma (my mum), who we see about every 1-2 weeks. He obviously doesn't want to be with me - unless I'm dropping him off at preschool, when sometimes he screams blue murder as I'm leaving.

So, I have a mega stroppy toddler who either doesn't want to be with mummy or can't bear to leave my side, and the reasonably imminent arrival of a newborn soon to be added.

What can I do to be a nicer mummy and more effective at getting him to do even some of the things I need him to do?

[prettywhiteguitar]

aw don't worry we all have off days, especially when pregnancy hormones can get the better of your patience. I am 7mths and there have been times when I've found it very hard

just repeat...i am human

and tantrums are incredibly annoying. i have started to just leave the room so i don't have to be the audience. they soon get bored of tantruming in an empty room.

Don't worry about him asking for your mum either as at the moment ds is asking for me when hes at his dads and my bf when hes at home...so they're just doing it for the hell of it !!

I just try to say " say clearly what you want instead of crying....then just a clear no if its something he can't have....then if that gets a tantrum straight to the naughty step and I walk off to get some peace let him think about what a boring place the naughty step is

[NotANiceMummy]

Thank you very much for your reply. I know you're right about the pregnancy hormones - it's hard to remember that sometimes, isn't it?

I also know you're right about ignoring the tantrums more. He just seems to know how to wind me up - although of course he's not trying to do that at all.

It just all seems very hard sometimes.

[Dawnybabe]

My dd2 1.9 is like this right now. She's hit the terrible two's three months early. For the last few days I have regularly thought to myself 'I hate you right now!' She throws herself on the ground and screams and cries and to anyone else it must look awful. I do ignore her at home though. There's no way I'm pandering to that sort of behaviour and she will very quickly learn that it gets her nowhere or I'm sitting her outside with a notice round her neck saying 'free to good home'!

Hang in there love. Big hugs.

[prettywhiteguitar]

Yeah, I had to drag ds across a pedestrian crossing once when he lay down in the middle of it

oh the shame !

Screaming all the way.....everyone was looking thinking what an awful child probably !

But I have definitely found it harder to laugh off whilst pregnant. I tend to get wound up quicker so when I feel like I'm getting too involved I give myself 2 mins to collect myself.

Or if passerby/other cafe users/people shopping look at me I just roll my eyes and laugh then at least you're getting somme sympathy !!

Ds has had fazes where hes been fine then two weeks of really naughty behaviour. Sometime me and my partner will look at each other and say in total surprise "oh hes been really good today !" like its a minor miracle....

Also doing potty training but thats another story....!

[jumpingjojo]

Yes, we have one of these toddlers too. Am not sure I have any great advice about the tantrums but does he have all his teeth ? I'm a bit fed up with the old teething excuse but once I realised my ds
back molars were coming through I reintroduced the teething powders, paracetamol and ibuprofen & his behaviour improved a little. Just a thought.
I also struggled to deal with toddler when pregnant. I couldn't see how on earth I would cope with a baby as well. But once the baby arrived it wasn't so bad as not pregnant anymore, IYSWIM x

[winnybella]

Sounds normal
I agree re: pg hormones.

Wrt breakfasts etc I personally think it's important to pick your battles. If DD (2) doesn't want to eat a meal, I let her- in the end she won't starve and toddlers' eating patterns can be erratic sometimes.

Some things have to be done, getting in and out of bath, for example- and if it's something that I expect DD to raise hell about, I sort of ignore it iyswim- no point in stressing, just do what you have to do (although I can see with you being pg it will be difficult sometimes ie lifting etc).

Finally, I noticed that if I seem to really want DD to something I will get a NO. So I'll ask her do you want to try a tomato? Or I'll be putting my hair in ponytail and ask her if she wants one as well? It seems to work most of the time.

And of course he wants to be with you and loves you very much. Toddlers are a nightmare at least half the time- it'll get easier soon

[girliefriend]

I hate to say it but everything you have described is really normal!! My dd was the same, used to throw massive tantrums, I remember once when I was trying to do a supermarket shop having to pick her up throw her into the trolly and just walk round as if having a child screaming like they are being murdered is the most normal thing in the world to have in your trolly!!!

It is very stressful and wearing but believe me when I say it does get eaiser. It didn't help with my dd that she had glue ear and often couldn't hear properly, also she was a late talker and I think the communication side of things really frustrated her.

I found keeping things as simple as possible helped. Telling your child whats going on and what you expect from them also helps. Always say what you WANT him to do rather than what you DON'T want. Lots of praise for when he is good and be specific about what it is he has done that you like. And lots of 'when you have done this (got dressed, brushed your teeth, eaten your dinner) then we can do something fun that he likes doing!!!

And don't be hard on yourself or take things personally - your son loves you very much and he doesn't know how to do anything other than love you, its a normal part of his development to test the boundaries!!! My dd used to always ask for her nanny if I ever was cross with her - I don't take it personally, I'm her mum and sometimes I'm not going to be popular as I have to set boundaries!!!

[winnybella]

Oh yes, giriliefriend is right about praise- DD is very chuffed when she throws a piece of paper in a bin or takes her jacket off or wipes a table before lunch- so I think giving them some responsibilities can be a good idea as well.