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DS hates his grandparents

(13 Posts)
selphy Sat 08-Jan-11 19:21:09

Don,t know whether I am on my own with this one.
However ds is 10 and never wants to visit his grandparents gets very bored there pleads to not go but I sometimes have to work in school holidays and I have no choice but to send him there.
He thinks my mom is too chatty and moans alot, and that my dad just sits around alot and sleeps.
He is right about both things my mom can be a nag and my dad does sit and sleeps alot.
However my dad is 82 so its understandable and my mom is 77.
I know that its a boring environment for a 10 year old boy but there is nobody else to have him in school holidays and I need to earn.
Its true that I have mentioned to my parents some of the naughty behaviour I have had off ds at home and they have gone onto tell him off about it which I don,t think has helped.
Also my parents have never been ones to sit and entertain a child so my ds sits on his ds lite all day while he is there.
My parenst especially my dad can come across as being a bit aggressive when he tells ds off and I don,t think ds knows how to take him.
My dad told ds off the other day and ds is refusing to go near the house now.
So was wondering if anybody else has this problem with their ds not really liking their grandparents.

racmac Sat 08-Jan-11 20:17:31

Yes i have had similar - my dm is a lot stricter than dmil and as a result he would rather go to dmil although things there arent great.

Your parents sound a lot older though - i would think it is a lot of pressure when they are that age - can you not find a suitable holiday club or at least for part of the day arrange something else for him?

I sympathise - its difficult - I dont know what to suggest really - can you give your parents money to take him somewhere - a museum or find something that your mum and dad might be able to get his enthusiasm going - get out old photos - find a way to reconnect?

compo Sat 08-Jan-11 20:20:29

Tbh I think this area of holiday childcare gas run it's course sad
I'd look into cheap holiday clubs run by the council
or swap with friends

ssd Sat 08-Jan-11 20:25:05

tbh I don't think your being fair on your ds or your parents

if he doesn't want to go there and it sounds like your parents are just too old to have him, you need to pay for a holiday/sports club

we all need to earn, but it sounds like you're taking the piss with your elderly parents, i don't really blame your ds for wanting to go there all day long

why don't you look at courses from the local council/sports centre/school holiday clubs/or so if there are any local childminders who could have him on an ad hoc basis?

selphy Sat 08-Jan-11 20:32:20

I am not taking the piss ssd they are the ones who always say they will have him for me and my wages are that that brilliant to be paying out on childcare.
Has for holiday clubs yes I would love to use them but alot of them don,t start until 8 at the earliest and I have to be in work for 7.
My parents do not drive either and ther is nobody available to get him there for me.
I am not being totally unfair to ds I do cut down my working hours in school holiday so he only has to go to my parents perhaps three times a week I leave the rest of the time free so that we can have his mates over.
My parents are elderly yes but my ds is 10 not 2.

ssd Sat 08-Jan-11 20:35:13

I still think they are too old and your ds needs different childcare organised.

even though they offer, they don't seem suitable for him

compo Sat 08-Jan-11 20:35:49

If you have to start work at seven what time do you drop him off?
Are you a lone parent or does his dad take leave in the holidays too?
I don't think he hates your parents, he's just grown out of spending a lot of time there alone

ssd Sat 08-Jan-11 20:36:01

soecially if it results in him hating them

selphy Sat 08-Jan-11 20:45:20

Well they are probably too old but not too old that they can,t look out for him just too old to entertain him which is why he takes his ds.
Even though they are elderly they are still with it and my mom is very active.
I have a dp who works fulltime he starts at 7.30pm so he drops ds off at 7.15am not ideal I know sometimes we have made ds stay the night at his grandparents so we don,t have to get him up early much to his disgust.
The only time dp takes leave in the holidays is during the 6 weeks summer holidays and that is just so we can go on holiday.
Has I said before its only 3 times maximum in school holidays I only work fulltime during term time.

ssd Sat 08-Jan-11 20:48:59

surely between the two of you working you could afford some sort of childcare during the hols more suited for his age? it doesn't all come out of your wage you know

selphy Sat 08-Jan-11 20:54:41

I expect I could maybe afford something reasonably priced then there is the problem of getting him there and I have thought about a childminder to do that, then of course thats one expense on top of the other.
I will definately look into it though.
I do feel for him going to my elderly parents tbh, I suppose I have always thought that as long as its only three times a week maximum and he gets to play with his mates other times then its not so bad for him.
I don,t believe we would be entitled to any help with childcare either.

ssd Sat 08-Jan-11 21:07:10

well sorry i think you should definatly be looking at paying for something more suitable for him and if you are both working full time you should budget for this

I think sending a 10 yr old to his elderly grandparents 3 times a week for the summer is pretty carp TBH

do what most working parents do, take holidays separetly from your dh in summer, budget for childcare, use unpaid leave - both of you - if you can, but most of all stop sending him to your mum and dad so much, your dad is 82, jesus he needs a rest as much as anything else

PurpleKate Sat 08-Jan-11 22:22:05

My Mum is 75 and Dad 79 and are brilliant at looking after various grandchildren ranging from 4 to 25. So much so that I find it very difficult to think of them being 'elderly' at all. So this isn't necessarily an age thing.

However, mum and dad have very active social lives and tend to include the younger grandchildren in everything they do. My DD (aged 9) loves going to my mum's exercise class and meeting all of mum's friends. She also helps Dad with his gardening and goes with Mum and Dad on their walking club outings.

Also when DD goes to Mum and Dad's in the holidays we don't just rely on Mum and Dad to entertain her. We supply various materals for craft projects, cooking ingredients, interesting books and dvd's.

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