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feeling bad about being a shouty mum

(8 Posts)
Aliway Tue 04-Jan-11 15:27:32

I have 2 ds's a 20 month old and a 3.5 year old. The older one is a very active boy, in my opinion. He needs a lot of physical exercise but then also requires a nap in the afternoon otherwise his behavior is appalling (he becomes very aggressive towards his younger brother, plenty of screaming incessant talking, destructiveness etc).
Each day I start off with very good intentions, planning an activity most mornings but enough never seems to be enough. After going up for his nap today, he went into his brother's room, woke him from a deep sleep by throwing toys at him. I went crazy, shouting at him he said sorry and started crying. After this episode he fell asleep and is still sleeping now (1.5 hours later).
I struggle with my elder ds. He gets very agitated about things, struggles with managing his very powerful emotions, any social situations cause a huge amount of stress, resulting in me avoiding social situations as I get so distressed at people's opinions of him and/or my parenting, causing further upset to him seeing me upset. I shouldn't care but, since re-locating for my husband's job (2 years ago), I have lost all my well established social contacts and have been unable to make any new friends in the area. This has left me feeling very vulnerable and more reactive.
I don't want to shout and scream, creating bad memories for him of a mum that takes him out to nice places then suddenly gets very angry with him. I get so frustrated and feel worn out with trying to meet his needs. What would be a better solution?
Sorry for the long post.

junkcollector Tue 04-Jan-11 23:00:12

There is a good book I'm reading at the moment called Playful parenting.


There's a thread about it on here somewhere.

junkcollector Tue 04-Jan-11 23:02:10 nting-anyone-read-it Here it is

handsoffmycake Wed 05-Jan-11 07:11:46

Dont feel bad, it is not easy. I have DS who is 2.9 and DD who is 9 months. Its so hard. Sometimes I feel like all I do is tell him off. The book above is good.

Aliway Wed 05-Jan-11 16:30:19

Thank you will look up about the book much appreciated :-)

pippop1 Wed 05-Jan-11 20:19:30

Maybe a gate on his brother's room will stop him getting in?

skyswept Wed 05-Jan-11 21:08:35

my DS(22 months) is very willful and hard to manage. We have tried the playful parenting with him and he is very responsive to it. I hope things improve and you meet some locals mums,

chewitt Wed 05-Jan-11 21:14:26

It's all very well - playful parenting - but when you're cross you're cross. I am sure that shouting now and then does not scar your child for life or tarnish their memories of their childhood. I think you need to be a bit gentler on yourself. Find out what you can do to make you feel happier about your life in general - feeling vulnerable/unhappy etc shortens your fuse. Try putting yourself first for a while and see what comes out of that - look after yourself and then you can concentrate on being the Mum you want to be.

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