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Does anyone else feel their dp is not careful enough ?(13 Posts)
My DH loves to play wrestles with our 4 year old DS. He also likes to take him swimming, DS holds onto his shoulders and DH swims with DS so he goes under water and bobs up again. DS can't swim, he is very confident in the water to the extent he thinks he can swim. A couple of times DS has come up coughing and spluttering and I've said I don't think DH should do it.
Tonight DH accidentally smacked DS's head hard on the side of the bed as part of their nightly wrestle. It almost always ends in tears.
I went nuts at DH tonight once the kids were in bed and he has said he will be more careful but I don't feel reassured. He thinks I'm 'risk averse' and anxious. I do feel anxious because I feel it's only me who worries.
He isn't like this with DD. It's like a male bonding thing.
Am I too anxious, risk averse etc?
I think you're right about the male bonding thing, and it's common for dads to rough house more with their DSs than their DDs. I really wouldn't worry about it; kids fall over and skin their knees or bash their heads off the furniture all the time, and mostly it's not a problem.
Yes you are being too anxious. Unless your DSs say something then it's not a problem.
My DP does this with our two DSs and yes it does sometimes nearly end in tears. However two minutes later they're creeping up on DP for round two so it's something they all enjoy.
My sister has a DS is also very risk averse and anxious with him. She manages to suck the enjoyment out of a lot of situations with her constant need for everyone to be 'careful' all the time. Her son avoids certain activities when she's around (such as playing on the trampoline) because he's so busy being 'careful' it's no fun!
DH is much rougher than me with DS and lets him do far more dangerous things. I think it's essential. I mollycoddle, I can't help it. It scares me, but I think it's a good thing as long as skulls and rock aren't involved.
Totally agree with perfectstorm. My DP does a lot of rough play with DS (he is a little older at nearly 7, but this has gone on for a few years), and DS loves it. I have to bite my tongue and fight my instincts not to keep saying "ooh, be careful!". It's an essential part of boys' development, and is particularly important for your DS a couple of years from now. Have you got Raising Boys by Stephen Biddulph? Fantastic book, which I found really helpful in terms of understanding how boys develop.
Thanks for the replies. I'll make an extra effort not to freak when it looks to me like he's going too far. I do try to be chilled about it but I think DH and I push each other to extremes.
Wierdly he is overly cautious in other ways. He won't let them stand up on the bus until it's stopped in case they fall, etc. Bizzare!
i totally know what you mean crybabybunting although i do wonder half the time if i should put a blind eye to it and try not to be a fun sucker. it does seem that my OH doesnt watch my DS as much as he should - you could say this teaches him independence and is a good thing. Just VERY hard work watching it happen knowing its all going to end in tears!
I can remember my mum always being scared for us and my dad being really easy going, wanting to take lots of risks. I guess the pattern continues down the generations.
I made a big effort tonight to keep calm and let them wrestle. There were a few tears as ever but not too bad. DH was clearly making an effort to tone it down a bit. Hope it lasts
My husband and I are very much like this with our daughter. I dont think there is anything wrong with it. My mum and dad were like it with me and my brother growing up. Its fun and not a problem.
There was an artical a few years back, think it might have been the Times, about dads ruff playing with children is actually beneficial for them along the lines of bonding.
You we're out of order to go off on your DH it was an accident, how would you feel if he went off on you each time they hurt themselves in your care because you weren't watching them carefully enough?
Accidents happen no one's perfect, it's part of life you need to learn to let go a bit.
it's not just boys, my DH does this with DD1 (2.8) too - I swear he thinks she is indestructible. He let her go on a zip wire at the playground when I wasn't there, the next time we went he said 'look at this, isn't she great?!' and put her on it, I nearly had kittens!
A couple of times I have said something but mostly I bite my tongue as I can see how it is good for her, she is very confident and robust, much more so than a lot of boys her age.
It is good for children (not just boys ) to be played with like this, it develops all kinds of things within their bodies as well as being good for their confidence & for bonding.
One of my best memories with my Dad as a child was what you have described at the swimming baths. Crocodile Rides
If the kids didn't like it - you'd know about it... you really need to just let them do their own thing and remove yourself if you find it too hard to watch.
my Dh is like it with our 1 year old DD she loves it though there is occasional bump, she is really confident though, I nearly had kitten as he taught hwer to climb stairs but now she comes up and down ok by herself you have to bit yuor tongure YABU to shout about an accidental bump, my mother hates her GD being carried on shoulders but DH still does it she squeals with excitement and loves being so high... girls as well as boys need to take physical risks we shall let her climb trees etc, I think too many people are too H &S and not enough fun let go and enjoy the swings slides etc, yourself its hard but do it anyway
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