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Friendless limbo

(4 Posts)
dappymoo Sat 01-Jan-11 05:23:26

DD is 3 months old, I'm a first time mum. I love her so much and love being a mum (it's blinking hard mind) but I still feel like the same me. I still want to go out and see my friends, and thanks to a plethora of babysitters I am able to go out sometimes (at the moment anyhow..) so have been out twice properly since having dd.
I don't talk about motherhood unless asked, as my best mates are childless, and I spend all day every day doing baby stuff, being with adults is a break right?! However there seems to be some unwritten rule that I should only be socialising with other mums... My invited from single friends are drying up despite me being available and not boring (I'm really not baby obsessed, is that bad??) and yet I don't really want "new" friends just because we all have babies, so how does this work?
Feel so crappy. I am making such an effort to keep open to my friends, feel like they are pushing me away. You'd think that I'd be boring them with baby talk, but actually I wish that they would just be normal with me and not assume that's all I have to offer anymore.

I don't think I'm in denial and I love my baby to bits. I guess we're not allowed to have it all?

YunoYurbubson Sat 01-Jan-11 05:50:59

Hmm. I think it can be hard to maintain old friendships when you have children. Ideally it shouldn't be so, and not all friendships will fall by the wayside, but some will. I like to think of these friendships as being 'on ice' rather than dead and gone. The friendships worth keeping will survive.

Maybe you should make some mum friends too to fill the gap? I have a huge group of friends who have children the same age as mine and they are awesome women. I love them and we definitely don't talk about mummy things much. It is quite useful that we all have children roughly the same age, but our friendship is based on much more than an ability to procreate at a similar time.

I often see posts from new mums who don't want to make friends with other new mums, but the assumption that you are the only new mum in the world not to buy completely into mummy land just doesn't add up. There are plenty of great people to become friends with who have also had children.

sneakapeak Sat 01-Jan-11 16:35:48

I had this fear/problem when I had my first.

I was especially upset with my best friend who seemed to have dumped me.

I had it out with her by the time DS was one and she just sort of assumed I was out the picture for a while hmm.

I understood her in some aspects though as although she has a child of her own, she was single. Im married and was breastfeeding and wasn't really up for a boozy night out in the beginning but I still felt I wanted the invite/choice and id have gone out for a little while just to get out.

Eventually your friends will come round (mine did). If they are good friends they won't just dump you, especially if your not a baby bore wink!

I should mention the same happened when I had my DD but now she is one I seem to be back on the 'worth inviting list'!

dappymoo Tue 04-Jan-11 13:18:06

thanks, it's getting me down as I just thought some friends would always be there :{

I am gradually meeting new mum friends, guess I just haven't clicked with any yet. It can be lonely, this new mum lark, eh?

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