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Does the ache to have a 3rd baby ever go away??????

(17 Posts)
ticklebug74 Fri 31-Dec-10 14:02:21

I have two children, DD is 4 and DS is nearly 2 and life is pretty good. But I have always wanted 3 children (even before meeting DH) but the head says No, stick to 2, but the Heart just won't let go!

Anyone been in this position and stuck with the 2? How did you feel years down the line - any regret, does your heart stop aching for the 3rd?

I would really like the thoughts of those who wanted 3 but stuck to 2.

Help me please!

sarah293 Fri 31-Dec-10 14:04:29

Message withdrawn

MassiveKnob Fri 31-Dec-10 14:07:21

I ached for number 4, but age didn't allow, so decision was made for me, then it got easier. When you know you are too old, but all the time you can have more it is not easy to dispel the feeling.

SilveryMoon Fri 31-Dec-10 14:07:28

I've always wanted 3.
When me and dp were still in early stages of our relationship, we'd often talk about kids and he said he wanted 3 too.
We have 2 and he is refusing point blank to have anymore sad
ometimes I think we should just leave it at 2, they have been and continue to be challenging boys, but a huge part of me knows I can be better and I'd like the chance to get the baby stage right.
So I think the only reason I want more is because I know I can do it better than I did last time iyswim

siblingrivalry Fri 31-Dec-10 14:08:54

I've always wanted 3 -I have 2 dds, aged 10 and 6.
However, dd1 has SN and I know that I am stretched to my limit, emotionally and mentally. So we didn't go for the third child.

The ache for another baby comes and goes, TBH. Sometimes it feels unbearable and I can't think about anything else. Other times, I feel glad we stopped at 2, because we have so much more freedom now and life feels quite settled.

I think I felt it more when my dc were younger, like yours, and I was still in the baby/toddler zone. As time passed and I got more time for myself, I began to see the benefits of no more babies.

There's no easy answer, though, and I feel for you. x

APixieInMyMulledWine Fri 31-Dec-10 17:36:33

I've always wanted 3. Dp has always wanted 3.

He has 3 (one from previous marriage), I have 2.

My ds2 is only 15 weeks but I know I'll always want a 3rd.

Dp isn't so keen on the idea, he wanted the snip after our ds2 but we came to a compromise that I would have the 3yr contraceptive implant then discuss it further down the line.

I can't imagine him saying No but I'd be heart broken if he did.

Sorry no advice, but it's good to read the replies to you question.

Lastyearsmodel Fri 31-Dec-10 17:48:31

I thought I'd want two but didn't feel done after DS (2.9) (DD1 is 4.6). The yearning for three went away very quickly after the end of DD2's damn painful arrival grin.

Be careful what you wish for though... DD2 is 16 weeks and it's bloody hard work. But she's here and I often think, lord, if we'd decided not to go for three, we wouldn't have met gorgeous, cuddly little DD2.

ticklebug74 Wed 05-Jan-11 12:07:20

Thanks everyone for your replies. There is no easy answer. We are moving house soon and all the kids baby clothes and toys are up in the loft and it just feels like a now or never decision. Lug them all to the new house, just in case, or get rid of them so we don't have to move them and store them. Argghhhhh! Watch this space........

And Happy New Year.

katster37 Wed 05-Jan-11 12:29:14

I have always wanted three. I am pregnant with DS2 and am currently planning when we will start trying for a third child! DH wanted one. Then he agreed to two. He said if we had a girl, we would have to stop (I don't know why - I think he presumed I wanted one of each). I hoped we would have a boy, and the scan says boy so I think he will be persuaded to have a third. The thing is, sometimes I don't know why I want three - I have found one extremey tiring and demanding, and know that having two within 16 months will probably be hellish at times. I am hoping that if we are lucky enough to have a third, I will be satisfied and not ache for a fourth.... There is no way he would be persuaded to have four.

I hope you persuade DH to go for a third, as I am sure I would always wonder 'what if' etc.

On a side note, I find it odd that I am an only child, and my mum said she really never felt the urge/desire to have another. So I guess not everyone's the same.

bubbleandsqueaks Wed 05-Jan-11 12:39:18

I want 3 - I have 2 dd's.

For all sorts of practical reasons we should stop at 2 and dh uses these reasons to back up him not wanting another.

But my family doesn't feel complete to me and I don't think it ever will unless we have another.

DD2 is 7 weeks, she has just outgrown newborn clothes which I have now packed up. DH wants to get rid of them, I felt so sad packing them up, I could have cried to think I will never use them again.

yeovalleyrocks Wed 05-Jan-11 13:19:50

I have 2 dd's - 2.5 years and 11mo. I so want a 3rd baby. I have to stop myself watching One Born Every Minute and Baby Story as it just makes me cry!

I am one of three and dp is one of two. He is dead set about having another one.

I wobble from time to time and know it would be a big change - Bigger house, car etc. But I think I will get my own way....

putthekettleon Thu 06-Jan-11 10:07:02

I tell myself I want a 3rd child in the same way I 'want' a dog, or my own chickens - in my head it's all lovely and idealistic - family walks, fresh eggs in the morning etc, whereas the reality of it would probably be a hell of a lot more work for me, and a complete pain in the arse!

I also spent some time with my SIL recently who has 3 school age kids and realised the logistical nightmare of getting them all to school/after school clubs/playdates etc. Plus they all fight all the time. That put me right off!

I do get wistful when DD2 (6 months) grows out of something though and can't quite believe I'll never have a tiny squidgy baby again...

Sarahlou8 Thu 06-Jan-11 10:39:20

When we first got married we always agreed we'd have 2, but when baby number 2 came along I started to want another one straight away. DH was content to stay at 2.

When DS was 5 and started school I went through a tough few months as the desire got stronger and stronger - I'd look at pregnant ladies and be so envious. Eventually I got a job in a pre-school as I felt I had to do something to help myself as it was me who changed the boundaries, not DH.- It did, and I'm still there 6 years later.

But the ache never went away completely. I never felt like my family was complete.
At 37, and after a false alarm when I thought I was pregnant and turned out not to be, we couldn't believe how disappointed we both were. We decided to try properly and I've just had my precious third baby, she's 10 weeks old.

My elder two are 10 and 12!

I feel complete now, and very happy.I knew that while I was able to have another I could control the desire by doing other things and enjoying the family that I had, but that when I got to an age where I considered myself to old, I would bitterly regret not having a third - like the choice has been taken away.

Everyone is different though. Sometimes I wonder what it is that makes someone just 'know' their family is complete, and whether I will ever feel that. I'm sad, even now with a 10 week old baby, that she will probably be the last.
So I'm going to enjoy every last squidgy cuddly second of her smile

bubbleandsqueaks Thu 06-Jan-11 13:50:46

Sarahlou do you feel as if your family is complete now?

Sarahlou8 Thu 06-Jan-11 16:26:44

Bubbleandsqueaks - Yes I think so. I'm coming to terms that she is going to be the last as age really isn't going to be on my side. I'm much happier about packing away the newborn stuff this time than I ever was before.
I had a fairly late miscarriage just before conceiving her and the fact that she is healthy, well and beautiful makes me realise how lucky we all are as a family and to go for a fourth may be tempting fate. I'm not sure I could go through the worry again - but that's a different story.

It does make you wonder how you can still feel broody for another when you're holding your own very young baby though doesn't it?

mollycuddles Thu 06-Jan-11 23:54:38

Very similar story here to sarahlou. My older ones are 12 and 9 and dd2 is 7 months. Not a hint of the ache since her arrival. A fourth would be ok I guess - dh is keen but I yearned for a third for years. Makes no sense at all but she is amazing.

Missymoomum Fri 07-Jan-11 06:43:42

I long for a 3rd too. My eldest was 4 this week and my DD is 2.5 next week. I've always imagined myself having 3 children and just don't yet feel that my family is complete. Unfortunately DH has always been adamant that he didn't want anymore whenever i have asked him. The other night we did sit down and have a proper chat about it and for the first time he listened properly to what i wanted to say and said he hadn't realised i'd always wanted 3. He still said for him, 2 is enough and he doesn't really want anymore but he also said that he will give it good consideration over the coming months, so we will have to see. I definately feel he's coming round to the idea as a couple of friends have just had babies and he's been quite soppy over them which he's never really done before!
I'd hate to regret my child that never was when i'm older.

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