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18 month age gap - when (if ever) does it get less intense? I'm worn to a frazzle.

(14 Posts)
HettyAmaretti Thu 30-Dec-10 14:01:10

Youngest is now 18 months, both are rather challenging ATM. Not badly behaved, just toddlers. I was just reocvering from over 2 1/2 years of extreme sleep deprivation and PND then AND then PND again when DS hit toddlerhood, early and with a big bang.

I'm a SAHM, have no family here and no help, DP works away. I've been ill for weeks and am utterly frazzled.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel? If not, a massive kick up the bum would be much appreciated grin

InmaculadaConcepcion Thu 30-Dec-10 15:36:52

Blimey, poor you - that's a tough hand you've been dealt.

All I can say at this point is there are 18 months between my sister and I and my mum survived okay, so yes - there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel!

You're doing great, coping under tricky conditions - it's not surprising you feel frazzled.

HettyAmaretti Thu 30-Dec-10 15:48:14

Oh, I chose an 18 month gap (more fool me?). Doesn't make it any easier though.

They're lovely and it's great to see the fun they have together, 'tis just hard work especially when I'm ill for weeks on end. Ho hum.

Firawla Thu 30-Dec-10 16:00:34

there's nearly 18 months between mine too, but slightly younger - my youngest only just 1 yr. i find it okay but the key for me is going out all the time, otherwise i lose my mind. do you go to groups and things? cos for me that is what really helps cos it gives a good structure to your week?
probably that your ill and dh away is not helping, and the crap weather too? its easier in the summer imo

HettyAmaretti Thu 30-Dec-10 16:12:34

Structure - check
Week routine - check

I'm overseas and the play group and DD's playschool are closed during the school holidays. All our regular play date friends are either away or booked up to the hilt with family. The crap weather doesn't help, 'tis true.

The summer was easier in some ways but DP and DM were both in the middle of nervous breakdowns and we were teetering on the edge of bankruptcy (sorted now). That canceled it out a bit THB.

Anyway, I'll clear off now, this is turning into one of those awful 'woe is me' threads. Can't be having that grin

This too shall pass. Right?

LostArt Thu 30-Dec-10 16:15:44

I have a slightly bigger gap between my two. I remember all too well how hard it can be, especially in the winter. I had a particularly bad winter when we took it in turns to be ill. It was difficult to get out and the days seemed so long.

They are 6 and nearly 5 and are currently playing together, so it does get better. Remember the weather will improve soon, you will not be ill forever and they will start school before you know it!

ssd Thu 30-Dec-10 16:31:28

agree with last post

mine have about 2 and a half years between them, it does get a lot easier, honestly!

like the op I had no family help and dh worked shifts, it was truly awful sometimes! but it does get easier with time, just hang on in there!

InmaculadaConcepcion Thu 30-Dec-10 16:58:00

Hey, if you can't vent on MN, where can you vent?!

Don't worry, if you feel like you want to shout "EEeeeeek!!" this is the place.

smile

The tough hand I referred to wasn't the 18-month gap - it's the PND. That makes everything more difficult.

All will be well.....

HettyAmaretti Thu 30-Dec-10 17:04:33

Yeah, the PND was shit. That's what made us want them close in age, no way could I have gone back to the hell of PND and baby days once I'd got out. I must remember that. I'm so lucky to have two, I just wish things would calm down a bit, if just for a while.

DS is a climber. No climb is beyond him, it's quite impressive really. I wish I had an anti-gravity machine I could point at him so he could just float round the ceiling for a bit in safety while I drink tea get stuff done.

InmaculadaConcepcion Thu 30-Dec-10 18:30:05

Someone could make a lot of money if they designed one of those.... grin

HettyAmaretti Thu 30-Dec-10 18:50:30

grin

MammyG Thu 30-Dec-10 21:28:54

Hiya - there is 17 months between mine. They are now 4 and 3 and I have a newborn. IT WILL GET EASIER!!! I found the stage you are at now the hardest. DS1 is a daredevil so he was jumping off anything and everything and could climb up on a stamp. DS2 is strong willed and was a biter! I found that once DS2 started to talk and became a bit more physically able they just started bonding. Also DS1 went from being a toddler to a boy so quickly (almost too quickly!!) When it gets hairy just try to distract them - if they are crabby put them in water! Also playing with them for a spell just reminded me what it was all about as well as helped them. I used to have my own little routine too - treat and timeout for me once they were gone to bed. Made the last two hours of the day more bearable!!

HettyAmaretti Fri 31-Dec-10 10:14:16

Thank you MammyG! So, there is light at the end of the tunnel, that's great to hear smile. It feels like the worst stage, I so hope it is.

DD & DS do play really well together sometimes and it's lovely to see. ATM they're rolling round on the floor together in a sort of bear hug, giggling and giggling.

I think one of the things that make it so tough is that DD had been an only up to this age so was very well 'trained', she had to be I had SPD and it was essential that she was able to do as I said, stay with me when we were together in shops etc.

DS hasn't had any of that at all, circumstances over the last 10 months and being a 2nd DC means he's been allowed much more freedom so behaves much more like a 'normal' 18 month old. Doesn't listen and doesn't follow instruction (unless he feels like it).

Also, I seem to have lost all the tips and tricks for 18 month olds along with the detail of the newborn days. TBH I'm glad I don't remember the newborn days but it's be good to remember what to do with an 18 month old.

moomaa Fri 31-Dec-10 10:22:06

I have 18 months between my two, now 4 and 2 and have a newborn (which I am finding very difficult as newborn seems to not sleep at night).

The oldest two are much much easier now, oldest can do so much for himself now and is a lovely little boy, my little toddler boy has gone so same as MammyG really.

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