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so do you think this is crazy and ridiculous

(13 Posts)
crazyashell Tue 21-Dec-10 10:33:15

Okay here it is I have an only ds aged 10 who for a long time has found it difficult to settle off to bed by himself.
For the last 2 years he has been going up to bed with dp in our room in our bed about 10pm and they both lie there and usually dp plays a game on the ds handheld console whilst ds watches, eventually ds falls asleep sometimes dp gets up again or just goes to sleep for the night as well.
So for the last 2 years I have been in ds's bed and ds and dp have shared a bed.
What do you think.

festiveflashingmammaries Tue 21-Dec-10 10:35:53


suzikettles Tue 21-Dec-10 10:42:58

I think that it wouldn't be a bad resolution to make 2011 the year that you sort this.

I know it won't be easy and I don't have any advice (I'm sure others will), but this can't be good in the long run for either your ds or your relationship.

shongololo Tue 21-Dec-10 11:04:54

definitely crazy, and ridiculous.

DS should not be watching computer games until 10pm. Nor should he be sharing a bed with DP (is DP his dad???)

He is not a baby and should be in his own room in his own bed. He will need his privacy soon, he is about to hit puberty, go to senior school...

DP should be downstairs with you, and later in bed with you. But you know this.

Suggest that you remove ds to his own bed. Get him a cd player and let hm have books on CD to listen to. Dark room, maybe a soft nightlight if he is nervous, but no more in your bed. Make sure his bedroom is a nice place to be - clean and tidy, fresh bed linen, a room that appeals to a young lad.

He is also old enough to talk to about WHY he won sleep in his own room. SO allay is fears, but treat him like a toddler - keep sending him back to his own room if he wanders in.

Also, get a lock for your bedroom door and use it overnight.

He will soon settle down. A week of grumpy sleeplessness possibly, but its the holidays, so he can sleep late and catch up.

You have to have the balls to follow it through though because if you capitulate even once "because he is so tired" then its back to the drawing board.

Maybe think about getting some of his mates over for a sleepover - he's hardly going to want to sleep in with DP then is fact, this could be the carrot at the end of sleep training - he gets to have a mate over?

Hassledge Tue 21-Dec-10 11:11:13

You need to crack this soon - what will happen when DS is invited on a sleepover? The gaming thing isn't going to be helping - a massive distraction - and 10pm is way too late.

You'll have to be cruel to be kind - he can read in his bed, he can potter round his room, but he stays in his room and he settles himself. And it's not up for debate or negotiation - that's just what happens. You'll have a week of hell but this is ridiculous.

As motivation, use the sleepover thing - any sense that he might get teased by friends over this will get him on board.

crazyashell Tue 21-Dec-10 11:13:57

He has had freinds on sleepovers and he has been fine, has also been on sleepovers with no trouble.

Hassledge Tue 21-Dec-10 11:16:47

Well that won't work as motivation then, but it does show that he's perfectly capable of self-settling. You do need to sort this out - it can't be doing your relationship any good at all, and it can't be helping your DS's sense of independence.

DanceInTheDark Tue 21-Dec-10 11:21:27

\Is it that he won't settle? Or that your DP enjoys settling him in that way? Sometimes it is nice to get snuggly with a DC but at 10 he needs to be going to sleep with no one else in the bed and he needs to be settling himself.

GetOrfMoiLand Tue 21-Dec-10 11:24:40

This is crazy, sorry.

He is 10 now, he can just be told can't he? You are going to bed. Up you go. Job done.

Pootles2010 Tue 21-Dec-10 11:25:52

Sounds like he maybe likes 'being a grown up' and going to bed at same time as daddy maybe?

Agree with Hassledge - think you just need to put your foot down with this one.

scarletbegonia Tue 21-Dec-10 11:27:49

Its probably not a huge problem in the scheme of things but yes, I do think you need to sort it out.

At 10 your son should be able to understand why its not ideal - agree with others,make it your new year's resolution to sort it out - maybe offer a reward.

As a general point I think his bed time is far too late, he can't be getting enough sleep whereever he lays his head.

englandsmistress Tue 21-Dec-10 11:31:54

I agree, this is crazy.

I think you have it easier than most people who did this when the child was too young to have it explained to them. He knows you love him, he knows you're not abandoning him, and you know he isn't hungry, ill etc etc - he's 10 years old! I don't know if I agree with giving incentives like sleepovers etc because I don't think that the child should feel he is going over and above expectation with this. He just needs to be told that is how it is, end of.

You KNOW this is crazy already.

Good luck.

Iwasthefourthwiseman Tue 21-Dec-10 11:35:09

You need to give him proper techniques to help himself get off to sleep. What about a sleep cd like Paul McKenna or something.

This can't be good for you and dp, and it certainly isn't good fir ds.

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