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My 13 year old son hit me last night :(

(10 Posts)
MistletoeAndWhineWithMe Tue 14-Dec-10 09:39:03

He has alays been a good boy (G&T,everybody always commenting on his good attitude,very loving and affectionate).
Then he hit 13 and if I say the sky is blue he will say the sky is black.
Last night I told him to start getting sorted for bed and he messed about for ages he was showing off becase SIL was here and kept coming down in the end I told him not to come down again and got hold of his shoulders to turn him back towards the stairs and he punched me in the arm .
He is saying he didn't which is a bit pointless as both sil and I saw him.
He then went to bed and I got a mumbled apology this morning.
I am very angry and upset with him and have told him no xbox/tv/internet/sleepovers/going out with friends until after Christmas.
I have got most of his xmas shopping but he really wants a game for his console and I was going to buy it him but I am thinking twice about it now.
I want him to understand that this is not an option

controlfreakyhohohohohohoho Tue 14-Dec-10 09:45:16

think you need to talk to him calmly. explain why you're so upset (understandably) and ask him to explain what was going on for him / how things could be done differently. he needs to know this is completely unnacceptable... but if you remove all toys and treats for this doesn't leave you with many options if there's another problem! maybe same punishment but shorter timescale? i think it's hard being a 13 yo boy. surging hormones and emotions but still a child and lacking self control.

Eleison Tue 14-Dec-10 09:46:44

He is utterly in the wrong and you are right to feel strongly about this. But I would advise that you don't use physical methods with him (i.e. holding his shoulders) any more. Partly because he is plainly very irritable about the contact, but also because it is vital to send a message that NO attempt to control by physical contact is acceptable in the course of an argument.

I know that punching is very different from holding, but the lying about whether he punched you shows that (like my son) he is very capable of using any distortion of rationality to claim that he is in the right.

Don't be too anxious about it. Through childhood physical contact among children, including the odd punch, is a fact of life, and under the influence of the irritations and tensions of adolescence it may be that an impulsive hit doesn't mean much more than that he needs to be firmly reminded about acceptable behaviour.

MistletoeAndWhineWithMe Tue 14-Dec-10 09:47:38

I was wondering if I had taken too much away.
I will talk to him tonight although I only expect a mumble in reply.

Eleison Tue 14-Dec-10 09:50:09

Agree with previous poster that you shouldn't withhold toys/treats yet. Talk, talk, talk and agree a contract about how to deal with future conflicts -- which might include withholding toys/treats if he hits again.

MistletoeAndWhineWithMe Tue 14-Dec-10 09:50:21

I wasn't holding his shoulders in a restraining way. I just said "Come on now enough", and turned him around and he lashed out.
But I do see what you mean I was jut very shocked tha the situation could turn so quickly.

controlfreakyhohohohohohoho Tue 14-Dec-10 09:51:04

well maybe that's the more important issue really... he needs to be able to speak properly to you and if he wants to begin to be treated in a more grown up way then he has to behave in one.... lesser punishment IF he has a civil discussion with you?

Eleison Tue 14-Dec-10 09:55:22

With my ds, I have to make the 'talk' element as brief as possible, because he will quickly lose patience with it. And I don't expect much more than a mumble in reply. It is important that he is given the chance though. One thing to remember is that even if he seems not to have taken in anything from the talk, it will have gone in, and be something for him to ponder about alone.

Eleison Tue 14-Dec-10 09:57:24

... that's a good idea though, controlfreaky -- a lesser punishment in return for a civil discussion.

homeboys Tue 14-Dec-10 11:10:06

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