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Which swimming pool changing room should dp take dd6 into?

(32 Posts)
MilaMae Mon 13-Dec-10 18:52:25

Dp takes dtwin boys 7 and dd6 swimming. The huge communal family changing rooms geared for swimming lessons get locked(selfishly don't even go there)by mums who choose to have the whole thing to themselves.

Soooo dp has been taking dd into the mens. Apparently she's been pointing and laughing at "willies" and dp thinks she's too old now but doesn't want to send her into the women's on her own.

I've told him to stop being so precious and just carry on in the men's but he really thinks it's not right. Obviously dp in the women's isn't OK?????

Surely it doesn't matter and isn't going to scar her,no different from the boys seeing grown up willies.

It's communal and she has a tendency to charge around penis pointing,he said he was mortified this evening.I'm suspecting the embarrassment is the real reason.

I feel she's too young to go in the women's on her own,the boys would be ok but would take hours without dp chivvying so who is right and what is changing room etiquette for dads and girls?Does it really matter if she catches a glimpse of the odd willy,she's surrounded by them at home.

overmydeadbody Mon 13-Dec-10 18:55:38

He should carry on taking her to the mens and you should both talk to her and explain that it is wrong to laugh at other people, especially just because they are different to hwr. Explain that willlies are normal and she is not to laugh.

ChippingIn Mon 13-Dec-10 18:57:13

No it doesn't matter if she sees a bunch of willies and if you don't think she's old enough to go in the ladies on her own then she needs to keep going into the mens, however you need to teach her some manners!

IAPJJLPJ Mon 13-Dec-10 18:58:34

there was a thread in this a while ago but with a boy being in the girls changing room.

The consensus was that if old enough or AWARE enough then they should go in the correct changing rooms.

I personally think 6 is to young to go alone - my ds is 7yrs and depending which pool we go to, he still comes with me HOWEVER he does not act inappropriately laughing and making others feel uncomfortable.

If this was a 6 yr old boy laughing at boobs and bits there would be some very strong views coming your way.

think she needs a talking to and if she is rude again then doesn't go swimming

MNerInWarrington Mon 13-Dec-10 18:59:48

You really could do with teaching your DD how to behave tbh!

jade80 Mon 13-Dec-10 18:59:58

Can't you take up the issues about the communal room being unreasonably locked with the pool management? If you could use that presumably the problem would be solved?

overmydeadbody Mon 13-Dec-10 19:00:54

It doesn't matter if she catches glimpses of willies.

What matters is her lack of respect, pointing and laughing.

I wouldn't tolerate that from DS, laughing and pointing at boobs or vulvas, and would teach him not to. You need to do the same with your DD.

scurryfunge Mon 13-Dec-10 19:01:03

I presume there are still private cubicles in the mens as there would be in the women's?

If not, it really isn't a big deal, providing she can behave herself and not run around. The use of the family changing is down to the management of the pool, not the mums who use it. I would challenge that practice too.

DilysPrice Mon 13-Dec-10 19:02:56

Queue/make a fuss and use the family changing rooms, that's exactly what they're there for.

panettoinydog Mon 13-Dec-10 19:03:18

If she can't stay still and not point and laugh, I'd send her into the women's on her own.

MilaMae Mon 13-Dec-10 19:10:03

Errr I'm not there and obviously dp had stern words with her.

Boys/girls do find genitals funny at this age,it's pretty normal. It's our job to educate as to what is appropriate which we are doing but it doesn't happen over night. She does have manners she does however have twin brothers and lives in a house amidst willy,poo,bum jokes etc,etc. She also has the odd lapse as she's a child, it's also 5pm,2 weeks before Christmas.

Dp was more concerned because she was aware than that he had to tell her off.So once they're aware is that it? Do we need to cover up a bit more at home? We don't have older children so are new to this.

MilaMae Mon 13-Dec-10 19:14:07

We've all complained about the communal even threatened to have lessons elsewhere,they do nothing.

There are only 2 private cubicles in the mens always in use.

We can handle disciplining dd but it's what is appropriate that I'm not so sure about ie seeing genitals.

IamnotStiller Mon 13-Dec-10 19:28:07

Where we used to go it was deemed ok to take children into the opposite sex's changing rooms until they were 8 (by which time they were probably deemed ok to go and get changed by themselves).

She just has to be told to show a bit more respect - nudity in a changing room is nothing to be embarrassed about.

zapostrophe Mon 13-Dec-10 19:28:11

Message withdrawn

MilaMae Mon 13-Dec-10 19:35:06

Believe me Iam she's not embarrassed about going nude....anywhere.

So it's over 8s,is that household nudity too? Ie dp and I?

BeerTricksPotter Mon 13-Dec-10 19:42:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IamnotStiller Mon 13-Dec-10 19:44:36

No, household nudity is ok IMO keep it unembarrassed as long as possible. Did not mean the DD to be embarrassed, just generally not treat it as something embarrassing if that makes sense.

MilaMae Mon 13-Dec-10 19:59:20

Yes it Iam does-thanks.

Yes she is delightfully unembarrassable Beer,v good description. We didn't last long at ballet is all I'll say smile

ChippingIn Mon 13-Dec-10 20:24:32

There is nothing wrong with her seeing willies at home or in changing rooms, they are just body parts and frankly the more normal they seem to her the better.

8 seems to be generally the upper limit to have children in opposite sex changing rooms, for the privacy of the gender of the room, not the 'visitor'.

At home they will each cover up when they feel the need to and as parents, no, you don't need to cover up.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 13-Dec-10 20:28:28

Any way your DP can beat the selfish mummies and lock them out of the communal changing room?

Seems like a no-brainer that a mixed gender group with older kids needs it.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 13-Dec-10 20:29:14

(by 'older' I mean this awkward in between age before independence!)

mathanxiety Mon 13-Dec-10 20:47:48

Complain to the management about the hogging of the family changing room. Then get your DH to assert some control over your DD when she's swimming. She's old enough to be able to learn what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour around others at 6 -- and your DH is old enough to learn how to manage her behaviour too.

Unless she learns how to behave in the Mens Room who's to say she won't run around the Family Room pointing at women's boobs, derrieres, pregnant bellies, whatever else there is to see there. There's no excuse for allowing a child to be rude. Your DH needs to pull his weight here. How does a child get to run around a changing room?

There's nothing inappropriate about seeing genitals, but there is plenty inappropriate about having a child run wild around a changing room being rude to the others using it.

You say there's a lot talk of bums, farts, references to body parts etc., at home simply because there are twin brothers? Actually, it's because you and your DH tolerate it.

MilaMae Mon 13-Dec-10 22:49:47

Didn't know talk of bums,farts etc was a crime at 5,6 and 7 years of age. hmm

Funny I have witnessed plenty during my years of teaching primary age kids so I'd have thought it was pretty normal.

Have to say it doesn't bother me that much as we don't run our household like a nunnery. Also generally my 3 dc are very well behaved so clearly it isn't a problem. Occasionally they do slip up but as they're errrr children it's to be expected.

In answer to your question "how does a child get to run round a changing room"?A child runs round a changing room when a tired dad after working 8am-5pm,drives to pick up 3 kids(just 7,7 and nearly 6 from school) then drives to a swimming pool. Said dad tries to get tired 7 year old boy twins on a go slow changed and into their lesson whilst dd waits for hers 2 weeks before Christmas when every child known to man is high as a kite.

Having done the same swimming hell since my 3 were 3,4 and 4 I know it's not easy particularly when you're dealing with 3 children very close in age. Twin boys themselves aren't exactly easy,throw a bored 5 year old in the mix then you get the odd escapee.

As it happens we both have excellent parental control over dd(she only this week got a certificate for excellent behaviour and manners at school),our dc are very well behaved generally when out but she is actually only a child and children aren't robots always behaving like angels-they do slip up occasionally.

Not sure I needed the parenting lecture.

Thanks for all the constructive comments,won't rush to cover up yet then Chipping. Just as well as I still never get to even wee in private.

pippop1 Mon 13-Dec-10 23:44:25

I have two boys and gave up taking them swimming when oldest was at pointy phase (6 ish). Even though there were plenty of cubicles in the ladies, lots of ladies were happy to stroll to their lockers in a semi/all nude state.

DH had to take them at the weekend but what if there was no DH?

mathanxiety Mon 13-Dec-10 23:58:18

I've taken children to the pool on very little sleep (babies up in the night) or when tired out and wishing I could be anywhere else bar the pool with excited DCs, and have managed to stop them from running around and misbehaving. Apart from the nuisance for other people, it's dangerous to have a child running around with the wet floor, perhaps clothes on the floor she could trip over. The ultimate sanction is that the misbehaving party will be left at home next time.

I have 5 DCs and while home is hardly a nunnery, I do not tolerate bum talk and make it plain that beyond one or two remarks it will not be tolerated. Then when we go out, it's easier to keep the same thing from happening. You are right to say it doesn't happen overnight -- training the DCs to behave themselves takes constant effort and you need to be consistent.

You posted with some concern over your DD's behaviour and now are stating she has received a certificate for good behaviour -- fair enough, but it is possible to handle I would say up to 5 DCs and maybe a friend or two in a changing room and come out the other end with everyone in the appropriate swimsuits and nobody cursing you or your children.

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