2 under 18 months and no routine for DD2 - help!

[ExistentialistCat]

DD1 is 17 months, DD2 is coming up to 3 months. DD2 has no routine. She sleeps in the sling on me during the day and I feed her to sleep in a bedside cot at night.

This isn't how I like things and it's happened partly because DD1 is still so little that I don't have the option of spending ages sh-patting or whatever.

DD1 fell into a bedtime routine very easily at 8 weeks, and had regular naps out of the sling by 5 months. I am desperate to have at least an hour or two back in the evenings and suspect that naps need to be more regular to achieve this.

DD2 is EBF whereas DD1 was FF. Don't know how much difference that makes.

Please give me tips on how to get on top of this. Or tell me that it's normal for an EBF baby and that it will all magically sort itself.

Feeling really down as had a little weep about it all to my parents this morning and then overheard my dad telling my mum that he had limited sympathy as I just need to get stricter with DD2 and let her cry. At not quite 12 weeks .

[mumsgonemad123]

Noticed your question has gone unanswered so far and just wanted to reply.

Sorry i can't offer much advice really but i sympathise as i have twin boys about to turn 17 months and bedtimes have been the toughest part of the whole experience i think by far. I don't have it how i would like it because i have two, and i suppose it will be the same for you. I think with two close together in age you just have to do as best you can, go easy on yourself and dont listen to dad! i think 12 weeks is way too early to just let a baby cry.

I have always got mine to take daytime naps together by walking them in the buggy, and then wheeling the buggy into the house as soon as they have fallen asleep. I have always done it in all weathers even go out in the rain i cant remember the last time they had a daytime nap in their cots, it was just too much of a battle. Its not ideal but it works and it has always been the easiest way to deal with the daytime nap issue with two. Of course i know it will be way different for you with different ages and stages. Good luck and sorry i cant really help...

[ExistentialistCat]

Thank you, mumsgonemad! I can't imagine coping with twins, but I uppose at least their needs are similar. At the moment, my two girls have quite different sleep and feeding needs but are still both so little. I'm hoping it'll all get better with time, if nothing else!

[SantasKnickersOnMyHead]

No advise really but I wanted to sympathise. There is a 14month gap between my two and it was a nightmare at bed/nap times. DD wouldn't fall asleep until dp was home, which was gone 10.30pm and Co-slept with ds until he was 1. He was ebf and at 12months I just stopped feeding him, night-times just fell into place then.

[tostaky]

ive got 16 months between my two and they never ever nap at the same time...!!!
unless i take them both in bed with me and tell them stories.

your little one is still very little for a routine and i also fond with DS2 that he worked out his routine himself ataround 4 months. just need to be aware of the time when he sleeps/feed and sort of encorage him to sleep at a regular time.

not too sure im very helpful... sorry!
good luck

[mumsgonemad123]

yeah tostaky although twins are very hard work and you face unique problems with them in some ways they probably are easier than two of different ages like your age gap. At least they eat and sleep at the same time!!

[skandi1]

dont have no 2 yet but will soon have 2 under 2.

i wanted to tell you about nmy dd. she was ebf and tbh it was much much closer to 5 months before we had a routine and i got some of my evening back.

also i started trying regular nap schedule for daytime when she was about 12 weeks because she just wouldnt drop off after feeds and then get overtired and cry. that said it took several weeks before we found a daytime nap routine - i think she found it actually so wont take too much credit.

my dd used to want me to hold her constantly from about 7pm till 10pm for the first 3 months.

i found it very very hard to get her to settle for the evening at that ages. she just wanted to be held.

i think we tried about 10 different methods and suddenly at around 4 and a bit months she just decided she was happy with feed, bath, another feed at about 7pm. again more to do with her deciding than anything i did.

it was hard as i thought i was doing something wrong but wasnt. dont know whether all ebf babies are like this but have known a lot who were.

my only regret was trying to force her to go to bed around 7pm around 12 weeks rather than just give in and comfort her on the boob, as she would cry bitter tears even with shushing etc.

the good news is that dd is now 16 months and since 5 months has been a dream sleeper and in an excellent daytime routine.

give it more time and start look out for the sort of routine she might settle into but dont force it or there will be too many tears from a small one

its hard work. i hope you get there soon.

btw i had to caryy my dd. she hated slings and babybjorn.
x

[ExistentialistCat]

Thank you, everyone. It's so good to hear about babies falling into their own routine when they're a bit older than mine. I want some regularity but I also don't want to make DD2 cry lots.

Her sleep patterns are pretty reliable now, it's just that daytime sleep happens ONLY in the sling and nighttime ONLY fed to sleep. But with DD1 around I just don't have the time to do hours of sh-patting. We've had a go at a bedtime routine but baths REALLY upset DD2 so I think I might wait a few more weeks.

I now feel mean that DD1 generally has a good whinge of 10-20 minutes at naptimes and bedtimes before she settles whereas DD2 never has to cry.

If I could delete guilt from my emotional repertoire I'd be one happy mummy. Or is a guilt-free mummy an oxymoron?!

[MammyG]

Hiya, I had the same gap between my two. They are now 3 and 4 (have a 12 week old now too).
Try and start a bit of a routine now. I worked on nap times with the boys and got the two of them napping for the same two hour period during the day. but I wasnt too strict on night time and ended up pandering way too much to ds2. The upshot is I paid for it. It took me ages to get him into a routine and he was a very difficult sleeper for the first year. He may have been like that anyway but I do feel its cause I let him off the hook. I let him downstairs or in with me for too long - I was worried he would wake DS1 and I would have the two of them up etc. In hindsight I should have used the same tactics I did with getting them in a nap time routine.

Try and ease them into a routine together but give yourself a good period of time in which to establish it. Or would you have someone that could give you a hand for an hour or so an evening for a while? My 12 week old is in a night time routine already and doing well. DH and i work opposite hours so he organised an hour off for a few nights a week and I had a friend help me the other nights (just for an hour) until we got sorted. I dont let them cry either - just not able to, breaks my heart.
I found it is easier to work with the routine you have established so work DD2 into whatever routine you have for DD1. That way DD1 will sleep as usual and leaves you free to lie with DD2 until she learns to get into the swing of it. Ive worked DD1 (baby) into the boys routine but have brought their bedtime forward an hour to balance all.