There is ONE muslim boy in my sons preschool.

[QuintessentialShadows]

In my sons preschool class, there are only 4 5 year old boys, and this boy is one of them. His family is from Morocco, and they have lived in Norway for over 20 years. They speak fluent Norwegian. My son is friendly with this boy, and wants to do playdates with him.

I am on speaking terms with his mum, she is really nice and friendly.

He has turned down every birthday party invitation. And I did invite him to my sons halloween party, as I did not want him to feel excluded, though I had a suspicion that he would not come. His mum was good about that, explained that as a muslim family they did not really celebrate halloween, but said she was pleased her son was asked.

I dont want to offend, or be pushy.
The boy is currently unwell, but I had my sons other two friends home with me.

The preschool teacher pulled me up on this, saying I had to bear in mind there are 4 boys in his group, so should not really leave one out on a group playdate, so could I either please just ask ONE other boy at the time, or all, as it was sad for the child left out. It was all hypothetical, as the boy wasnt there.


So.....

Is there anything in particular I should bear in mind?
I was hoping to make an invite for next week. I reckon I will make a chicken and rice dish (rather than bangers and mash or lasagna). But what else?

Everything was so much more "integrated" in London.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Make sure it's easy for him to wash after using the bathroom. Ask him mum if he'll need somewhere to pray during his visit and what he likes to eat. Chicken and rice sounds good though.

[twirlymum]

I think the pre-school teacher was a bit rude tbh. Surely it's up to you who you invite to your house, particularly as you hadn't excluded him before.

[onimolap]

Muslim practice varies: my DCs' Muslim friends have been to our birthday parties, and we've been to theirs.

I suggest you ask the boy's mother if he has any particular requirements/restrictions.

[Shaxx]

I don't think a 5 yr old boy is expected to pray.
What I would consider is asking his mum about food. I don't know if they would be strict about the dietary laws but a vegetarian or fish dish may be better if they stick to halal.

[beanlet]

Don't serve chicken; even if you go out of your way to make sure you buy halal chicken, his Mum won't be able to be sure because she didn't buy it herself IYSWIM. You'll need to serve vegetarian food -- beans on toast, eggs and soldiers, that kind of thing.

[QuintessentialShadows]

fish?

[whomovedmychocolate]

Pizza?

[Shaxx]

as in fish fingers

[whomovedmychocolate]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_dietary_laws

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

DS2 has invited his muslim friend to his birthday party at the weekend. She is the only girl in the class that has been invited as couldn't afford to invite the whole class so invited just the boys but DS2 insisted she be invited as they've always had a special little friendship going on. Her mum is lovely and friendly and says that her little girl is so excited about the party and that she talks about it every day. They are a lovely family - they even send us Christmas cards, when obviously they don't celebrate it themselves.

So I don't think it's right to say that Muslim people don't "do" birthday parties.

[PussinJimmyChoos]

Hiya Quint

Am Muslim myself and while DS does go to birthday parties etc, I have to be careful to ensure he doesn't eat pork or jelly with pork gelatine

However, a lot of Muslim parents don't do the birthday/halloween/Xmas thing so I think the best approach is to ask the mum direct - I know I certainly wouldn't mind being asked

As for the meat, I'm not that fussy about halal/non halal (which is rather naughty as I should be!) so you could always check again with the mum

Veggie food is fine though, as are fish fingers

Hope this helps a bit?

He wouldn't need to pray at 5 yrs old though

[scouserabroad]

Chicken and rice sounds good, maybe you should check if the meat needs to be halal?

I'm not sure if he will have started praying at 5 y o, DD1 is 4.5 and I'm fairly sure that she won't be praying in six months time but maybe in some families it's different.

Not sure about the birthdays thing, Dh (Muslim from north Africa) definitely doesn't do adult birthdays, maybe a cake for the DC but not presents and no parties. I think it's cultural, not a religious thing. That said the DDs would always be allowed to go to a birthday party!

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

ps. think your nursery teacher was out of order too - I hope you told her that you always invite this other boy, and anyway he is ill at the moment and couldn't come. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think it's outrageous!!! She's probably got some ridiculous notion that the kid's mum will complain about him being left out or something. Which she obviously wouldn't do if he is always invited to everything.

Stupid attitude anyway, that. What if in your son's group there was one kid that is a horrid, badly-behaved brat with an equally horrible parent? Would the nursery teacher really expect you to invite someone that you would not normally want in your house, just for the sake of being "fair"? Bloody ridiculosu

[ruddynorah]

talk to the mum. it hasn't got a lot to do with being muslim, just what they as a family do. fwiw my dad is muslim but very much does birthdays, and would enjoy chicken, but would also happily enjoy lasagne or quite frankly anything.

[QuintessentialShadows]

Fish as in my favourite moroccan fish in tomato sauce with veg with couscous.

[scouserabroad]

oops loads of x posts!

[littleducks]

As a muslim I wouldnt recommend that you base any cookiing decisions on the wiki link, it is innaccurate.

Similar to kosher laws different muslims follow halal regulations with varying degrees of strictness.

We would not eat gelatine unless it came from a halal animal for example.

I would suggest something like jacket potatoes with (vegetarian) cheese or pasta with pesto/tomatoe sauce, then just chat to the mum and get ask her. Then you should get an idea of how strict they are and what would be good for them.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

A wiki link that is inaccurate? There's a turn up.....

[QuintessentialShadows]

{waves to Puss}

(on the phone)

[QuintessentialShadows]

Thanks guys
(I did not really think that a 5 year old would need to pray, play perhaps, but not pray

(interesting how similar these words are)

I dont think there is a SINGLE butcher (out of only two butchers) in this arctic outpost that sells halal meat (to a population of 800 muslims), so I doubt this family takes this much into consideration, unless they slaughter their own meat....
(I wish there was an eyeball emoticon)

I will call his mum tomorrow.

I envy her you know. She has 4 children, this boy is their youngest. I see them walk to preschool in the mornings, and there is so much love and laughter. She is so easy going. I wish I could be like that.

(And she is so pretty. So dark and beautiful, and I am so blonde and boring. And her son is so gorgeous. So is mine, but he is dark and mine is totally blonde. And I am blonde in so many ways. Especially when I have had a glass of wine)

[activate]

I'm sitting here wondering what you said to the pre-school teacher tbh

[pastaplease]

DD has a couple of Muslim friends, and their parents always say it's a relief when they come to our house as we're vegan so they know it'll all be fine. They don't need to hover over the table all the time!

So, my advice is, go vegan!

[gorionine]

We are Muslims, when my Dcs go to play dates we do not ask for halal meat to be provided but no meat (I would not want the parents to have to go miles away to get halal meat) so anything that does not contain meat, lard, gelatin will do for us. A child can survive without meat for a day

At 4/5 children are not required to pray yet.

It would be nice if you have a little jar in the toilet for him to wash but I have to warn you that at that age I was still washing mine. you might just want to let the mum he has been to the toilet and she will wash him with water at home.


As said previously, by other posters, there are different sensibilities about birthday parties. We do not tend to do our own but the Dcs go to their friends when they are invited. We invite friends around for parties that are not birthday ones. The issue with birthday parties (in my understanding) is that it makes something that is not a religious requirement something that you "have" to do and in the Muslim approach, no ritual that is not religious is a MUST. I am happy to be corrected if I misunderstood though.