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how to improve things with your teen son?

(3 Posts)
saffy66 Sun 05-Dec-10 11:48:38

I am not sure if this is the right place to post this. I am divorced live alone and have a 16 years old (nearly 17)-(and a 11 years old) I need advice how to build up a good relationship with the older one.
He has been living with his dad since he was 10 and but 4 month ago he just decided out of the blue that he wants to live with me, which I am very happy about.His dad wasn't that happy and our relationship was never without tension.
He has always been very withdrawn whilst at his dad and I was hoping that I can get him out of his shell but he didnt seem to change at all, still very quiet and refuses to talk to me -only answers in 1 word sentences. He is staying in all the time, never goes out to meet his friend -he talks to them on-line only. He doesnt drink or smokes and not agressive. He has a long distance "girlfriend" to whom he talks every day but again this is an other virtual friend.He is in 6th form. I would like to have a much better relationship with him but I don't know how.

webwiz Sun 05-Dec-10 13:47:26

Teenage boys are notoriously non communicative (DS is 14 tomorrow) I just make sure that we do spend time together away from the house occasionally - he has an inset day on friday and I'm taking him somewhere to spend his birthday money and go out for lunch. He might not say much to me or he might be in the mood for a chat but at least the opportunity is there.

purepurple Sun 05-Dec-10 13:58:55

saffy, I have a son who is 21, so know from first hand experience how bloody difficult they can be.
I would say to always be the adult and never revert to chidish behaviour if you do have a fall-out.
DS says that we are always negative with him, and pick on him hmm
16 is a difficult age, stuck between chidhood and adulthood. a sort of no-man's land. They look like an adult, but they are so not.
I would say, just to keep talking to him, involve him in family life. talk to him about his interests, I know a lot about football that I couldn't care less about. the same goes for drum and bass.
Give him some responsibility , to let him know that you trust him, but have boundaries too.
As for the computer thing, DS still spends far too much time in his room on the net. I have been known to send him a message on facebook to say his tea is ready. If you can't beat them join them.

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