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Any sound advice about my lovely but demanding DS1?

(3 Posts)
IAmRubyLennox Sat 04-Dec-10 22:17:41

DS1 is just 6 and my middle child (others are 7 and 4).

He's a very gentle, quite shy and anxious child. He's always very well behaved at school, church etc., partly because he's generally good, but also I think because he's too nervous to misbehave.

At home he isn't really naughty but can be pretty demanding. As a younger child he had severe sleep disorders, and he's still very clingy to me (e.g. if I'm going to the supermarket he wants to hug and kiss me 8 or 9 times before I leave the house).

He plays well, although a lot of his play is very schematic, e.g. arranging and ordering things.

He gets on well with his brother and sister and he seems to like other children in his class. However, he's not got many strong friendships with other boys, and doesn't ever really get invited to do things with other children from school.

His class teacher is wonderful and is working hard to help him meet his academic potential and learn to relax a bit and enjoy school, but she's commented to me about how uptight and anxious he is. His headteacher described him as 'not the sort of child you notice', and the deputy head (who I know personally) has said that he always looks very worried at school.

I'm sorry for such a long post, but I wonder if anyone has ideas about how I can best support him and build his confidence, and help him relax a bit more. He's a lovely, affectionate, imaginative little boy, but I'm worried that he's overlooked and dismissed.

Tryharder Sat 04-Dec-10 23:41:19

Could you not encourage a few relationships with boys he gets on with from his class? Invite them over to tea or if you prefer neutral ground, invite them (with their mums) to join you at soft play or something similar.

Have you asked him if he's worried at school and if so, why? He might be absolutely fine but prefers being just under the radar so to speak. We can't all be extroverts.

Have you considered out of school activities - perhaps martial arts or scouts, or even acting/singing - that might help his confidence and bring him out of himself.

But he might be fine as he is and it's you that is worrying. Good luck, he sounds lovely.

IAmRubyLennox Sun 05-Dec-10 08:01:09

Thanks for your thoughts on the subject.

He has one friend (another little boy) who comes for tea occasionally, and vice versa. He did have one of the other boys from his class for tea back in May, and it seemed to go fine, but he's never been invited back.

He's just started at Beavers, so I'm optimistic that it might boost his confidence a bit.

I think what worries me the most is that his teachers / other adults / world at large will see him as being awkward, uptight or miserable. It doesn't help of course that his sister and brother are of the smiley, cute, chat to everyone variety.

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