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The DDs like DH more than me

(9 Posts)
scouserabroad Fri 03-Dec-10 22:20:02

The DDs are 3 and 4 and I overheard them talking this afternoon.

DD1: I like Daddy more than mummy.
DD2: Me too.
DD1: I wish I could see Daddy right now.
DD2: Me too.

It breaks my heart because I know I deserve it. I have been too grumpy and shouty lately, even though I think I'm doing my best with them - we go on bike rides, read stories, make cakes, go for walks, do arty stuff & as they are very close in age they play together a lot without me needing to organise anything.

It's just the whining and fighting get to me - they can whine for hours when the mood takes them, and they can go from best friends to literally tearing each other's hair out, back to best friends in the space of a few minutes (repeated x number of times a day). DD1 has to be asked half a dozen times before she does anything, from putting her shoes on to washing her hands, and it gets on my nerves wasting so much time over silly things.

DH works away, and is only home from Sunday afternoon to Monday afternoon. He nearly always brings sweets, choc, treats etc. and they see him as a sort of Santa figure grin Seriously, he has more patience with them and I totally understand why they'd prefer he were here at the moment.

The girls do four full days a week at preschool - we are in France and this is the norm - they seem perfectly happy there.

Don't know what I'm asking really. Their behaviour is normal, and I'm lucky that they go to preschool, and I should deal with it better but I don't know how.

I actually thought I was doing OK until today, when it dawned on me that I've turned into Mrs Shreiking Harpy Mum

LackingNicknameInspiration Fri 03-Dec-10 22:39:26

Snap! Mine see DH at weekend only (they're 3y 2m and just turned 1) and he is God. Much as I love the fact they're so close (and would hate it otherwise), there is that thing of 'Fun Daddy' coming in which really makes you want to shout 'hey, i could be like that too if I didn't have to do all the boring domestic drudgery'. But sadly you can't (or you could, but they wouldn't listen!).

I think it's quite normal for little girls to adore their daddies, especially when they don't see them that much - i know I was the same. I have 2 older goddaughters though, who are 10 and 7, and they were exactly the same when younger - but now have a very close relationship with their mum. they still adore their dad but it's just different and i think that comes around eventually.

Totally understand your concern, i often think I have completely screwed up my relationship with DD1 by being grumpy and impatient way too often - but she's always delighted to see me after preschool and apparently asks after me when i'm not there (happens about twice a year!).

Basically, you just don't get appreciated when you're always there - because you're always there. They'd notice if you weren't though.

Hard sometimes though, hey?

ememum Fri 03-Dec-10 22:41:12

It feels awfull doesn't it? My DD has said something similar to me, about preferring DH to me (he also works away a lot). I received some great advice on mumsnet about not being too needy when she's like this that really helped.

Remember they were not saying anything to deliberately hurt you and I'm sure they know you love and care for them.

I really wish I could send you some advice that was as comforting to you as the advice I received was to me, just want you to know that you're not alone.

scouserabroad Sat 04-Dec-10 07:20:28

Thanks, I might search out that other thread ememum.

Lackingnicknameinspiration, that's it, I often think I've screwed up my relationship with DD1 especially, as she tends to whine a lot, while DD2 doesn't but has tantrums instead which I find easier to deal with. They both run over to me after preschool shouting "Mummmmmyy!" with big smiles on their faces so I can't have done everything wrong

It must be difficult for the fathers in these situations, not seeing their DC for days on end and I totally understand why he overdoes the treats when he gets back. Dh has only been working away for a couple of months (although he also worked away when they were babies, that was easier in a way because the girls had no concept of time and didn't realise how long he was away for) I think we all just need to get used to it.

kreecherlivesupstairs Sat 04-Dec-10 07:35:56

We've only got one DD, 9.7 but she adores her daddy and tolerates me. I think it's because I do most of the diciplining and Daddy gets seen to do the fun stuff. Even though I do take her out and have a laugh.
You'll just have to live with it I'm afraid.

perfectstorm Sat 04-Dec-10 08:01:10

My mother has my son overnight once a week. He doesn't even acknowledge me when he comes home (he's 2) just starts playing with toys. Yet apparently he asks for me a lot when there.

He is ALL OVER his father the second he walks in the door. Daddy plays with him non-stop and never says no.

I think part of being a primary carer is being an old sock. They take you for granted. It doesn't mean they love you less, it means they are secure enough to assume you will always be there. And they know you won't let them get away with murder, either.

wannabeglam Sat 04-Dec-10 10:13:38

My DH is away during the week and spends lots of time with the DCs at the weekend. However, he doesn't bring treats, he doesn't leave the 'parenting' to me, and he always backs me up with the DCs. So, although his time with them is more fun, I'm not made to be the 'boring, bossy' parent. Have a chat with DH.

HelloKittyIsMyBitch Sat 04-Dec-10 12:26:54

Why not go to work and tell DH to be a SAHP. They will soon hate him too. Then you can be the Disney Mum.

Onetoomanycornettos Sat 04-Dec-10 12:37:38

I worked and my husband stayed home part of the week with my second, and I too was transformed into the bestest mummy ever. There's no doubt that familiarity breeds contempt.

However, perhaps your children reminding you that you are a bit grumpy might make you reflect on that and try not to be so grumpy (I know I can be like this myself). All the cake-baking in the world isn't much fun if you are yelling a lot at them. So, consider that as a gentle reminder and remember children are fickle, they do love you, and there may be times when you are preferred over daddy.

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