Hate today, big time :(

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

I have an 8 week old monster feeding LO and a screaming 2.1 toddler.

I am so fucked off with being hit/having things thrown at me/the house destroyed/LO being hit.

I am so fed up of my over tired toddler who is throwing rages qt the slightest thing.

And I am sooooooo fucked off with my parenting today. I have shouted at him, put him in time out, had to take the cot side off as he was climbing (and falling out) so he didn't nap, and let him fall as he was collapsing in a tantrum but he fell and hurt his nose.

I truly feel today like I've ruined my toddler and am an awful mum. I feel like a total shit. Shattered despite dh helping in the mornings. Too much cbeebies and despite having been out loads today toddler is still bored stiff.

I want to shut the door and walk away :(

Sorry I'm ranting, really had enough.

[meltedmarsbars]

Tomorrow will be better...

this evening, have a sit down, a drink and a read of a book or whatever, and plan a small trip out tomorrow to change the scenery?

we've all been there!

[ExistentialistCat]

Are you me?

10 week old baby, 17 month old toddler and the latter is driving me nuts with tears and tantrums over nothing, climbing on everything, poking the baby and doing what I've just asked her not to do whilst giving me an evil grin.

I KNOW she's just being a normal toddler but it's scary how absolutely furious she can make me.

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

I hate that feeling of anger too cat.

I get so frustrated-I try to get us all out in the snow, but Ds has a tantrum about the jumper, then the wrong shoes, then the hat, then for getting into the pushchair, then for getting out of it. Meanwhile dd is crying because she needs a nap (Planned to be in the pushchair( but can't have it as Ds won't let us out the house do she is screaming.

I know it gets easier, but if I wasn't bfing and from time to time cosleepibf I would get hammered tonight.

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

ExistentialistCat-have to say, it must be even harder-Ds is beginning to understand me, but a 17mth old must be trying.

[ExistentialistCat]

"If I wasn'r bfing and from time to time cosleeping I would get hammered tonight."

Ok, you definitely ARE me, SeaShells.

We don't get out in this cold weather at all because I can't get DD1 to understand that wearing a hat and gloves would stop her going purple and screaming with cold. It's such a shame because she loves being outdoors. So hat off to you for even trying to venture outside!

It's so hard to juggle the different needs of two, isn't it... Earlier on I had to decide whether to extend our car journey home in the hope that DD1 might finally give in and sleep (having refused her much-needed afternoon nap) or whether to get home as quickly as possible to feed DD2. DD2 won. In days gone by I could just do whatever it took to keep DD1 happy - seems so simple in retrospect.

[HelenLG]

I wish it was Friday...

[ExistentialistCat]

But does it being Friday help, Helen? I find that many weekends are spent looking after both DDs to give DH some much-needed time to himself, and so are much like the rest of the week minus the usual baby activities and people to see. And I fantasise that everyone else is doing Happy Family type things...

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

Ok, I've met my mn doppelgänger, ExistentialistCat, as that is exactly how my weekends can end up!

HelenLG I hope you have a nice weekend to forward to :)

My exhausted Ds has gone to bed (minus cot side so loads of cushions in place) far too early(couldn't keep him up) and dd has finished the bottle of ebm and still needs boob arrrrrggh!!!

[ExistentialistCat]

Hurrah for doppelgangers (can't figure out how to type the umlaut, though)!

So what do your evenings look like, Seashells? I'm stressed about my total lack of routine. DD1 was ff (not for want of trying bf!) and by this age would have a bottle at 7pm and then settle down for the night via a 10 pm and 2 am feed. No such predictability with DD2, and certainly no putting her down. At all. I am a reluctant co-sleeper and don't know whether this is just DD2's temperament or bfing.

So I stress about getting it all wrong, which makes me even tetchier with poor DD1. Bah.

[HelenLG]

Maybe I'm selfish but I think we both deserve some time to ourselves and therefore take it in turns to have a lay-in.

Also, DS seems to find having DH around a novelty so isn't so bothered about jumping up and down on me/feeding every second/pulling my hair/shouting/sleeping on me even if DH is just sat next to him playing on his phone...

TBH I find it a relief just not having to be by myself with a small baby all day... I hate Mondays

[HelenLG]

Aww crap...I had momentarily convinced myself writing that post that is was actually Friday.

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

Lol helen! It is in 3.5hrs....

Cat-I don't know how to do fancy letters, but my iPhone does. It is also responsible for my poor typing.
Ummmm... Just starting to get dd into a routine, mainly around bedtime as daytime is dictated by Ds. She gets a bottle if she needs a feed between 5-8. I've started bathing her with Ds and putting her in pj and sleeping bag for 7, but last night she was awake until 9, tonight she was asleep at 7. Then feeds between 12-3 and 4-6.
Routine comes with time-I think it's easy to say it's ff vs bf but I think it's the baby just as much as anything else.
At leastshe sleeps better than Ds did-small mercys!!

Helen-my Ds thinks dh is the best thing ever. I try not to take it to heart but it is really obvious at the moment given how little attention I can give him with the baby.

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

Great, screaming toddler since 4.3O

I have really fucking had enough

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

So has Dh whomis with him as i am with the baby he has woken up.

So tired

[tadventjennyp]

Go back to bed when they do. Somehow you will get through this, it happens to everyone. Keep posting if you feel the need for support. It will pass.

[ragged]

It's the tiredness, it does your head in very badly.
Do you get out to toddler groups? They are the only way I can cope. Soft play, too. I know some people think they are work of the devil, but if you can meet up with friends there they can be lifesavers. The 2yo is old enough for some preschool groups, it might be worth looking into (just to give you respite). Or nursery?

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

Tadvent/ragged thanks for the early morning support!

He gies to nursery a couple of mornings a week which he loves-hence I kept it going on mat leave. We do do toddler groups (canceled due to snow) but it's daunting with feeding the baby-it's held over 3 large rooms and he runs off out if sight.

It's the crying and tiredness that get to me. And I am trying really hard but dd is very different, alot more placid and I am now resenting him for his part in my pnd I had with him-there is NO rational basis for that feeling, which makes me hate my reactions over the last day or 2 even more. He is high maintenance, very polar in his moods and very clever-my dh and I completely.

I know I love him, but it's hard work. This morning, he can't come for sleepy cuddles in bed. It's waking with a tantrum, finally blaming him down out of the bedroom (if you takenhim back in the tantrum starts
again) then HAVING to play with him-He is wide awake, happy, but too young to entertain himself. he has never wanted to cosleep/just cuddle in bed, he has to be playing/watching tv or in a deep sleep in his own bed.

He is so gorgeous, but I know I have my work cut out. Normally itdoesnt affect enough to post, I guess I'm just hormonal as my dd is 8weeks today and due her vaccines this afternoon poor baby!

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

Sorry, should read calming him down, not blaming him down! I'm expressing and posting at same time and have fat thumbs on my iPhone lol

[ExistentialistCat]

Sorry you've had such a horrible morning, Seashells. You have all my sympathy for how shattered you must be feeling.

Good luck with the vaccines. Ours were ok, much less traumatic (for me!) than first time round...

I know exactly what you mean about pnd. It's only now, getting through the newborn days with DD2, that I realise just how bad things were with DD1. I don't resent DD1 for that but feel guilty that I couldn't enjoy her as early as I started enjoying DD2. And that guilt then feeds back into all the other guilt...

Same here with the DH adoration, by the way, Helen. It's great because I need him to look after DD1 so much more than usual at the moment, but sometimes I do feel a bit when I've been doing my level best to keep a whingey DD1 happy all day, and then she's all smiles and loveliness for DH's return home!

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

Resent is he wrong word-I think you are right re guilt being the principal feeling. I'm so sorry you had to go through it too. It took the pleasure away from enjoying my first born, and I do resent it for that.

On the plus side my long suffering dh is coming to the doctors with me as it's treacherous out there!

I've cooked and tidied the house, swept snow with Ds and feel better for it. :)

[Iwasthefourthwiseman]

Ooh, can I join the bad parent of a toddler brigade? Since dd2 I have zero tolerance for dd1 (3). I'm fed up with answering 20 questions & having to negotiate everything. I'm fed up with dd2 only sleeping in me. Poor dd1 she is trying in every sense of the word & I am really narky with her.

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

It's tough isn't it-I guess a innate maternal instinct is protecting the newborn and encouraging independence in the older one but I could do without being quite so short tempered and intolerant.

Having said that, it is tiredness as I feel alot better now and we are playing nicely(except when doing marathon feeds like now when I mn!)

[Iwasthefourthwiseman]

I need to dig out my how to talk crib sheet...

[Iwasthefourthwiseman]

Gah, why does my dd1 chose when I have dd2 asleep I'm the sling to wee on the bathroom floor?! In fact why does she does it at all?!

[SeaShellsFiringUpTheQuattro]

Another 4am wake up with screaming until we let him watch tv at 5.30.
I lie in his bed being kicked and smacked, but if I get out I get yanked and screamed at. He is so over tired :(

Dh and I have had a huge row at 4.30

At least the baby is asleep!

Sleep deprivation really is the death of a good parent!