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Please give me your best tips for remaining a calm and patient mummy ...

(22 Posts)
OrangeSpacedust Thu 02-Dec-10 10:17:29

... (or daddy!) and keeping your head when all around you (i.e. your DC) are losing theirs.

Grumpy irritable mummy needs some pointers. I will be eternally grateful! xx

maddylou Thu 02-Dec-10 10:19:49

pretend you are being filmed!

sethstarkaddersmum Thu 02-Dec-10 10:21:00

not being hungover makes it a lot easier IME blush

KnottyLocks Thu 02-Dec-10 10:22:49

Gin

sethstarkaddersmum Thu 02-Dec-10 10:22:58

seriously though - lower your voice when they are raising theirs.
and think of yourself as the only source of calm in the house.

stickersarecurrency Thu 02-Dec-10 10:24:31

Awaiting answers too ... I can do the apologising for being a shouty grotbag but I'm doing it so frequently that DS is a bit hmm about it! So far saying everything in a stupid sing-song voice is helping a bit. Some good advice I took from here was to award stickers for good behaviour but you MUST give ten a day, so find ten things to be positive about. Some days it's a bloody tall order! But it means I know I've been encouraging and nice ten times in a day so come bedtime we're all a little more positive.

gegs73 Thu 02-Dec-10 10:25:15

Think to yourself, its just a phase it will pass. Normally does. Also don't shout, just turns everything into a shout fest and doesn't fix anything.

missorinoco Thu 02-Dec-10 10:25:51

I am crap at this.

Two tips. One is to talk calmly and slower than you usually do, a la Mummy Pig tone of voice, at times of stress - bathtime with two overtired toddlers and one overtired stroppy mummy usually is that point for me. (I should warn you apparently I sound slightly deranged in this tone though.)

I usually talk fast so this slows me and the children down, but also on some strange level helps remind me how close i am to turning into a screaming harpy.

The other is to promise myself a large Baileys if I can make it to the end of whatever activity I am doing without losing it.

Television crew never works for me. When my button flips, it flips, and the pretend television crew cover behind the sofa.

Simic Thu 02-Dec-10 10:28:07

More sleep! - just I'm still working on how to attain this one!

stickersarecurrency Thu 02-Dec-10 10:31:39

I can identify with the cowering tv crew miss - it doesn't help me at all. Mind would scatter, begging to be spared and rummaging for the social services direct number. I think Dr Byron herself would have to be next to me wielding a baseball bat to have any effect when I'm at boiling point.

KnottyLocks Thu 02-Dec-10 10:33:33

Big deep breath before you respond. Speak sloooowly in a calm voice.

I'm still working on this, I admit. But when I do do it, it does seem to calm the situation.

sethstarkaddersmum Thu 02-Dec-10 10:36:24

I think mental detachment is good too - so rather than yelling 'Stop it! Don't put the book in the toilet!' you say 'No, books don't go in toilets do they?' sort of floating above the insane world in which people put books in toilets but not really caring about the book.
I am not expressing myself at all well!

I think I am trying to say you have to manage to not care about the outcome, leave it in their hands at some level, so 'If you do that we will be late for school' but you have to feel like it is not your personal failure if you are late for school, it is theirs and doesn't really bother you.

sethstarkaddersmum Thu 02-Dec-10 10:38:52

oh, have just remembered how I explained it to dh - you have to imagine you are channelling an external force rather than being involved in the situation yourself. You do not punish the children, you merely enact the consequence that is the inevitable result of what they are doing: 'If you do that I will have to take the Hama beads away because children who drop Hama beads on the floor and refuse to help clear them up are not old enough to have Hama beads.'

OrangeSpacedust Thu 02-Dec-10 10:45:54

These are good, please keep them coming! Any Buddhists out there(?!)

missorinoco Thu 02-Dec-10 21:57:43

Lol stickers!

I also use "Mummy doesn't mind if......"
e.g. Mummy doesn't mind if you don't tidy up, you just won't be able to watch television if you don't help.
Spoken in that saccharine voice. Suprisingly effective, but you do have to follow it through if they don't.

sunshineriver Thu 02-Dec-10 22:49:31

My child is 3 and has really been testing my patience recently - till I realised that it was me that was in the wrong - so I have decided to live my life around him to avoid me excessively shouting/stressing as it really is not helpful for either of us.

He is tired walking to nursery - I will carry him

He is tired walking home after nursery - I will walk up home earlier and collect his pushchair so that he can fall asleep en route home

He gets all of his toys out after nursery and will not put them away again - he can put 3 things away and then I will put him to bed and quickly tidy them up when I come back down - he is too tired to care and it does only take 2 minutes

He is naughty - he can have some time on the naughty step and can say sorry afterwards

I'm also going to try to get a reward chart soon as I'm sure that will help

Oh the joys of motherhood!

Spidermama Thu 02-Dec-10 22:56:07

Calm detachment works if you can pull it off. 'Wee goes in the toilet not on the floor' and, 'We don't draw on walls. What DO we draw on? Yes, paper.' Then calmly make him clean the drawing off the wall.

If all else fails, I always have a box of hash fudge in my pantry. wink

stickersarecurrency Thu 02-Dec-10 23:02:55

Spidermama grin

baskingseals Thu 02-Dec-10 23:07:29

think to yourself

Does this really really Matter?

Remind yourself to enjoy them

develop a high tolerance to mess

MrsTedHughes Thu 02-Dec-10 23:11:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missorinoco Fri 03-Dec-10 14:02:19

The problem is I would fight to the death to protect them, but it doesn't stop me bellowing. The only thing that would is if someone took me out of my body at that point and replaced me with nicecalmmummy, not i'venowlostitmummy.

stickersarecurrency Fri 03-Dec-10 17:09:34

yy, they're not really small and innocent at that point of losing it, they're tiny little button-pressing villains!

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