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Age gaps between DCS &would you chnage them if you could?

(17 Posts)
mummysmadhouse Thu 02-Dec-10 10:03:03

We have 3dcs 21mth between1&2 24mth between 2&£

Overall i would say all things considered 21mth gap was easier dc one wasnt bothered by the baby at all!

But i think in some ways a 3yr plus gap would be easier for the parents..3yr old can do alot more for themselves (just small thing obviously-getting dressed etc)

Im asking as when dc3 arrived it was 6mth until dc1 started school and those 6mth were tough..now she is at school i still have 2 at home but its alot easier! DC1got harder to entertain once ready for school.

We are now considering no4 but i know i would cope so much better if dc2 was at school..but ideally we want a smaller gap dh is 36 and saays he would like no4 asap

Firawla Thu 02-Dec-10 10:12:13

mine are 17 months apart, which i found good, never had any jealousy etc they get on well, now i want another one the gap is gonna be slightly bigger as ds2 is already nearly 1, but just hope it will be a less than 2 years gap as its nice to have them close.
i think there are positive and negatives to all the age gaps, so just depends what you find more important. would your dc2 be @ nursery though atleast, if not school?

ItalianLady Thu 02-Dec-10 10:13:14

Mine are 28 months between 1 and 2 and 22 months between 2 and 3.

I would have preferred much smaller gaps between all of them.

mummysmadhouse Thu 02-Dec-10 11:01:31

Awful typos blush

If i was preg next month..dc2 would be into her 15free pre school hours by the time baby arrived...But all four home for the 6week summer..i know this would happen eventually but sometimes easier without a baby.

The thing i hate most about having 3young children is getting in and out of the car and house..so 4close would make that stressful i would imagine!?

I worry that already dd1&2 (dcs1&2) are already sooo close and dc3 could end up left out esp as he is a boy and if we have a fourth its better to be close in age to dc3 so they are close too!?

In some ways i think it would be easier getting aobut with two very close in a double?..rather than only baby using a pushchair plus two young children walking with curious fingers and slow legs grin

But the a mum pointed out on another thread that it can be hard work with four all older and sitting exams one after another etc hmm

Maybe i should stick to three..thing are def getting less tiring atm..but then while im in the thick of it should i go for it smile

mummysmadhouse Thu 02-Dec-10 11:02:39

'but as a mum'

MumInBeds Thu 02-Dec-10 11:09:07

We have two children and there is 3y8m between them and I love it, they are 11 and 7 at the moment and into very different things but they are so different they never would have, even if closer in age.

MentalFloss Thu 02-Dec-10 11:09:48

I have 4 DC with relatively big gaps between them all

2 1/2 years between DS1 and DD1
3 years between DD1 and DS2
7 years between DS2 and DD2

The easiest gap was definitely the last one because at that point I had 3 DC who could look after themselves to a certain extent (they were 13, 10 and 7).

I think the hardest gap was the 3 years because DS1 was at primary school but was very grouchy and grumpy a lot of the time and DD1 was not quite mature enough for nursery so trying to distract her was very difficult!

BTW I found the jump from 3 to 4 a lot less difficult than from 2 to 3 or even from 1 to 2!

gemhandley Thu 02-Dec-10 11:16:09

not had my second yet but there will be 21 months between then. i really wanted a longer gap as there was between me and my sister. The more i think about it though im glad cause heard they get on better the closer together. Me and my sister have 4,5 years between us and we didnt get on til i was about 18. Being so much older we never had anything in common so just argued constantly.

cory Thu 02-Dec-10 11:24:56

I found the 3.5 age gap quite difficult. Yes, a 3yo can do a fair bit for themselves- but a jealous 3yo can also do a fair bit of damage to the rest of the house while you are tied up with the baby.

Now that they are older they are quite close though.

Lovethesea Thu 02-Dec-10 11:40:04

19 month age gap, DD now 2 and DS nearly 6 months.

I'm enjoying it at the moment, though it looks like DD wants to toilet train just as I need to start weaning DS! DD has accepted DS happily and is 99% gentle with him. It helps that he is a big pudding of a baby while she is a delicate build - they almost weigh the same so when she lays on him for a cuddle he just grabs her sleeve and looks happy, not suffocated!

I was delighted to have a smallish gap as my brother and I are 4 years apart and never had a lot in common. We are very fond of each other but I still feel very much the responsible Big Sister who looks out for him.

I know personality will determine their longterm closeness but it will help me that they will both be suited to the same type of playgroups, playparks, outings, films, books etc.

tabulahrasa Thu 02-Dec-10 12:46:55

I've 4 years between mine - not what I planned, but actually I'm quite glad of it

when the littlest was a baby the 4 year old wasn't particularly fussed about the amount of time she took up (he was busy with his own stuff)and was old enough to find her quite interesting even though she didn't do much, lol

he was big enough for her to find absolutely fascinating as a toddler (free entertainment)

he was old enough to keep an eye on her a bit when she started wanting to walk to school without me and things

and recently they want to do different things - but since he's a 14 year old boy and she's a 10 year old girl, I'd be a bit surprised if they didn't, there are still plenty of days out, films and games that they'll both happily do though

it's quite a nice age gap really

festivefriedawhingesagain Thu 02-Dec-10 12:59:42

20 month gap here (almost 21 months). They are now nearly two, and three and a half.

They play together well, but also fight a lot. DD didn't sleep through til past 12 months, DS still only sleeps through occasionally.

It was ok, but very hard work. Coping with a small baby with very little sleep is hard, but coping with a demanding toddler and a new baby on nearly no sleep is awful.

Older one doesn't remember being an only, but is still very jealous. Very loving towards him too, but very jealous.

So I am not sure, sometimes I think I would have chosen a slightly bigger gap, sometimes I am glad to have got all the baby bits over and done with.

SacharissaCripslock Thu 02-Dec-10 13:02:54

Almost exactly 3 years between mine. Has worked out lovely. My eldest had 3 years of our full attention so I didn't feel like he missed out on being 'babied' iykwim.

My two are 6 and 3 now and close enough in age to play together and one not wanting to do completely different stuff to the other.

ragged Thu 02-Dec-10 13:07:02

Am not sure how old your DC3 is, OP. If I had it to do again, I would have preferred a smaller gap from DC3 to DC4 (it is 3y8m). Because I'd get the whole lot packed off to school quicker. About 2 years would have been more convenient in the long run.

Can you tell I'm a bored SAHM?!

whysolate Thu 02-Dec-10 13:32:44

Well, mummysmadhouse you know about my situation shock.

I have 3 DC's. There is 9 months between my youngest two. I love it and wouldn't change a thing. Such hard work to begin with but now that they are both 3 and my eldest is 6 it's getting easier.

Everyone is different and every situation is different. When I found out I was pregnant with DC3 I was in total shock. How could we afford it? How would I cope? Etc, etc. But you do.

It is obviously on your mind a lot, so just go for it!

mummysmadhouse Thu 02-Dec-10 16:00:33

whysolate dont say things like that wink

Im sooo confused i was soo done a few weeks ago and generally scared when i thought i might me..now its all ive thought about!

Now its all ive thought aobut..my heart is saying go for it. My head is saying it could top me over the edge the first 6mth with dc3sooo hard compared to the others!

Me and Dh have been fine but still had more disagreements since no3 and i think considering i was known tobe the most patient person ever before children my patience has really decreased since dc3 BUT dispite all this i suddenly want no4 and feel like we would be complete and the children long term maight be happier (hopefully no one left out)

But then they wont be happy if none of them get enough mummy time either arghhh im not good at this thinking it through...im know for my over thinking/worrying! confused confused

mummysmadhouse Thu 02-Dec-10 16:05:26

ragged my dc3 is 8mth..and if we have a fourth im tempted to do it straight away for similar reasons...i am so lucky, i feel to be A SAHM but i too get times where is also drives me insane! Wouldnt change it but hard always doing things like washing and cooking not brain testing (not that i have one left)grin

But also the house is still always trashed lol

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