For example she hates wearing a coat but I make her wear on eesp in this weather. We have a wrestling match every time we leave the house. She bosses me around but I don't bow to her evry command. She also bosses her peers around and can be intimidating. I'm not hugely into unconditional parenting (yet) but may be convinced. I want to be consistent but for what behaviour would I use time out for e.g? I want to pick my battles but waht sort of behaviour is just normal 2 year old behaviour and what is unacceptable?
For things like putting coats/shoes on I just tell ds if he doesn't put them on we won't go (if it's to the park, playgroup or somewhere he wants to go) if he tantrums I walk away until he calms down. If it's somewhere we have to be at a set time I would just put his coat on and ignore all protests-luckily for me it's rare I HAVE to be somewhere. I save timeout for behaviour I consider to be dangerous or aggressive (eg hitting, pushing, running off etc). I also find explaining why he has to do something,or why something is dangerous really helps too.
At 2.5 I think your best bet is to try and make things fun/into a game. 'Let's put your coat on - ooh you're like an octopus, one arm wriggle, wriggle'. I sympathise because ds really doesn't like getting dressed at the moment - adn we DO have to be somewhere... It's all about experimenting and finding out what works...
Soemtimes I say 'right, ds, let's put your trousers on your head!', he giggles and says NOoooooo, 'on your nose' 'noooo' (all the while, putting them on him). Lots of hurrah, you're all dressed when it's done.
Choices can sometimes work too - 'dd do you want to put your coat on, or mummy put your coat on?'
or ignoring tantrum and talking about something else entirely (while you put coat on) 'hey, dd what shall we look for in the park? I'm going to look for a big stick!'
(I) Try to think of it as you have 'won' the battle already (simply by being the grown-up who will actually get her way) so you don't need to be heavy-handed or horrible about it. And it doesn't matter if they think they have won. All the better IMO - then you both win!