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Should I go back to work earlier?

(16 Posts)
cuppateaanyone Wed 01-Dec-10 14:23:58

Am hating motherhood and have a 9 week old boy.
I hate being at home, I hate the trauma of getting out (he cries in the pram/car although I am trying to address causes) still struggling with BF, bored and I detest the fact that my main achievement most days is to hang out the washing......
Will I be a better mother if I go back to work or should I stick it out for the full 6 months?

elportodelgato Wed 01-Dec-10 14:29:41

Hi there - at 9 weeks you are not expected to know if you are coming or going, so don't make any big decisions. I found the first 3 months the hardest by far and it does improve I promise. But I can empathise with how you are feeling, I also HATE being at home fulltime and loved going back to work after DD.

Do you have other people to hang out with in the day who you can have a good moan to?

cuppateaanyone Wed 01-Dec-10 14:35:08

I have some fab NCT pals however they are in the midst of their own struggles and feel like i'm going on plus I'm the only one who doesn't actually want to be at home.
Good advice re making a decision too soon, thanks.

myproblemblob Wed 01-Dec-10 14:45:00

I remember feeling exactly the same with DS2 I think I even saw a local nursery poster saying childcare from 3months to 5 years and was all for it the only reason I didn't was because we couldn't afford childcare for both the boys at that point. I went back to work when DS2 was 9 months and quit to become a SAHM when he was 1.5 yrs I couldn't cope with full time working and no chance of part time hours.
The grass is always so don't rush into anything as gato said. You are still in the early days and in this weather being unable to go far can get be very isolating. Enjoy christmas with your family and I'm sure you may think differently if not then there are many MNers who have gone to work early and their DC's are just the same as SAHM dc's you just have to do what is right for you and your family.

belgo Wed 01-Dec-10 14:47:17

Do you have good child care?

Some people hate the baby stage and if you really want to go back to work, then why shouldn't you. As long as your baby is with a good child minder or creche. In Belgium mothers go back after 3 or 4 months and they seem to cope. (

cuppateaanyone Thu 02-Dec-10 16:20:40

I have a pre booked place at the local nursery - have agreed with DH to review after Christmas. Just never thought it would be this hard

SweetKate Thu 02-Dec-10 18:27:03

I hated the first six months and the only thing that stopped me returning to work early was lack of childcare (15 month waiting list at our preferred nursery!!) but I then loved the second six months and didn't want to go back to work. But glad I did after the year to get my life/career back on track.

I found the dark nights really hard to deal with - screaming baby and waiting for DH to come home for what seemed like forever. When the spring came and baby and me got in a better routine, life improved.

As previous posters have said, don't make a rash decision now that you might regret.

MrsBonkers Fri 03-Dec-10 01:02:44

I second not making any decisions too soon.
My DD is now 22wks.
I HATED the early weeks. Nobody warns you/talks about how dull it is! Its taboo and everyone is still making the 'you must be thrilled' type comments.
Give it until after Xmas. You might find your DS is more interactive by then and it might get a little more fun.

BTW - impressed you hang the washing out - I sometimes struggle to move it from the washing machine to the tumble dryer!

Honeybee79 Fri 03-Dec-10 09:13:40

I empathise. No one warns you how tough it is and so many people go on and on about the "magical joys" of motherhood while glossing over the bloody tough bits. I agree with what others have said re not making any rash decisions.

My DS is 7 weeks old and I frequently think that all I want to do is go back to work (and I don't even really like my job). But it is getting better - I spent the first two weeks thinking I had made the biggest mistake of my life and had ruined everything for me and my DH. I don't feel like that anymore and I do love my DS but progress is slow, the evenings are cold and dark and it's too icey to go out. Hang on in there - everyone says it gets better and I believe them!

Samvet Fri 03-Dec-10 12:59:15

Ditto. I had a very tough, successful career and being home 24/7 with my 12 week old does my head in, I feel guilty that it is boring when others seem to love it. I too hope it gets better and think winter makes it worse as it is so isolating. When u are used to chatting to > 20 different people a day and now talk only to the baby and cat it is rather dull. Think grass is always greener and if I had to go back to work now I would miss ds and moan about work!

xandrarama Fri 03-Dec-10 13:08:28

I hear you. But it really does get easier as time goes on, so waiting to decide makes a lot of sense.

I went back to work after 9 months. In retrospect, I often thought it would have been nice to go back to work for the first six months, and then take my maternity leave for the second six months - spending time with DD was fun by then!

foxinsocks Fri 03-Dec-10 13:12:34

actually I agree xandra. I didn't really manage the early bit well, went back to work when dd was around 16 weeks and I was much happier.

just be warned, I wasn't happy with the nursery environment at all. Looking back on it, I wish I had chosen a childminder or nanny for that age but you may have a different experience to me. WIth hindsight, I don't think they are so great for such young babies so if you do choose to go back earlier, it might be worth revisiting your plans.

jamaisjedors Fri 03-Dec-10 13:18:31

I went back to work after both DS at around 3.5mths (the norm in France as belgo says).

DS1 was a September baby and I HATED that winter maternity leave, I was in a hurry to get back to work and out of the house.

BUT I was pretty exhausted and got sick a lot which was hard.

I don't regret it really though, I think it's easier to leave a baby at that age than when they are older - they adapt more quickly and so do you.

I would agree with foxinsocks though about nurseries for babies - we have always had a childminder (same one for 6+ years now) and she is just GREAT!

cuppateaanyone Fri 03-Dec-10 20:48:30

Okay so it is really this hard - TFFT was thinking it was just me.
Like the idea of a childminder and will revisit just wanted to 'book' a nursery place so it was guaranteed.

dontrunwithscissors Fri 03-Dec-10 21:42:47

Just to add - I was like you, and was desparate to get back to work (which I love). I felt so lonely, bored and useless. In the end, I went back when she was 7 months. I actually really enjoyed the last month or so. Everything got so much nicer around the 6 month mark. Even waiting that long, DD1 was such a terrible sleeper that I really, really struggled to do my job adequately. I honestly couldn't have functioned at work if I'd gone back any earlier. Just keep in mind that life as a working mum is also very hard (just in different ways.) Don't underestimate the extent to which you will need to adjust to going into work with a baby to worry about/care for. I would also second a childminder. I met a couple of poor CM's whilst looking for childcare for DD1, and it put me off using childminders. I went for a nursery instead. I'm just about to go back to work after DD2 and have found the most amazing childminder. There's no way I would consider using a nursery for DD2 now. Anyway, good luck! You'll survive whatever you decide.

SkyBluePearl Fri 03-Dec-10 22:04:42

those first few months are really hard - steep learning curve and not enough sleep. Best give yourself some more time to get to grips with things and try to meet other mums - other than your NCT group. maybe try wearing a sling also? it does get easier and more enjoyable

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