Narcissistic Personality Disorder ex's - how do you deal with them?

[MickeyMurphyMasterBaker]

Hi all. Just read this link on another thread, and it was a lightbulb moment. An obvious one, since I've long thought my ex has some form of personality disorder, but nonetheless it all suddenly fits.

So, having read that, how do you go about equipping DC's (or in my case, DD) to deal with a parent who fits this disorder?

Or for that matter, how do you generally deal with an ex who has these traits?

For background, I have residency, she has weekly contact for 8 hours during the day on a Saturday or Sunday.

DD is 3.2 and has delayed speech - she talks at about the level of a 2 yr old - so this may all be a bit pre-emptive, but I'd appreciate your thoughts and wisdom.

[MickeyMurphyMasterBaker]

Really? No-one has any opinion / advice / experience of this?

Chuffing heck. I know I've name changed for this, but I'm pretty sure there's plenty lone PWC's who have ex's with NPD.

[GypsyMoth]

my ex has a properly diagnosed personality disorder....you cant diagnose someone and say they 'fit'!!!

[GypsyMoth]

having said that,my ex has NO contact at all with the dc

he was a maniac when they were with him.....he took them round shops,showing eldest how to shoplift,then he was in several road rage incidents with them....just not viable as a parent!

[woolymindy]

Mine is NPD/BPD too and is unravelling under the court microscope - it is looking likely that he will lose contact completely because he left them on their own in his flat apart from the fact that he was violent to me and lots of other shit too - it isn't something that you can just guess at though - diagnosis takes a long time. Mine has had psych intervention since he was 3 years old (not that i knew that until his medical records were released)

Be careful with labels but if you suspect you do need to get others involved and safeguards in place.

[MickeyMurphyMasterBaker]

Fair comment. It's not like she's been diagnosed by anyone professionally.

All I can say is that the pieces do fit, and in the absence of being able to get her diagnosed, that's all I have.

Tiffany, may I ask did your ex just kinda drift away from having contact, or was it stopped by you or courts?

[GypsyMoth]

same as wooly.....unravelled under the microscope!

i insisted on a forensic psychiatric evaluation on his mental health.....it revealed alot of upsetting stuff,as well as his medical records.

he was violent to all the women after me also,whilst contact case was going on,so always new prosecutions to factor in.

is she violent??

[MickeyMurphyMasterBaker]

To me she was emotionally and psychologically abusive, but I've been told she has been physically abusive in a more recent relationship.

I think it may currently be a bit late to try for forensic mental health evaluation, as the final hearing has been and gone.

That said, there is to be another review hearing in the Autumn next year.

I'm hoping that because she has weekly contact and a long way to travel for it, that she'll not be able to remain consistent with the contact. That's what's happened before. And then in time it can be dropped.

I'm not happy that I hope that, as DD does enjoy her time with her Mum, loves her, and would want to keep seeing her. And of course, I'd like to think that one day the ex will manage to be a reasonable, decent NRP.

Sadly for all concerned, the past does not indicate that she's likely to become that decent NRP.