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(171 Posts)
nicola1969 Thu 25-Nov-10 19:29:36

I am a full time mum.. although hope to be an artist later,,

i have two children aged 7 and 10

my Partner for 20 years(we are not married) works full time and pays for everything..

He is always telling me that i should work also.. i feel that i am working.. looking after the children is definately a job.. if i didnt do it he would have to pay for a nanny or au pair..

what do you think .. being a what i do a job.?

scurryfunge Thu 25-Nov-10 19:32:14

It is your choice and if you can survive financially without doing paid work, then that is up to you. I would worry about not having financial independence though.

AntonDuBurk Thu 25-Nov-10 19:33:30

Well it's bloody hard work.... grin

madmissy Thu 25-Nov-10 19:33:32

I have 3 children and I feel I work pretty hard bringing them up, cooking, cleaning etc

I am lucky that DH see's it that way too. I think he enjoys home cooked food and everything done for him too much to disagree!

however my children are almost 5, 3 and almost 1 so pretty hands on. I think when they are 7 plus I would like a part time job during the day

Bonsoir Thu 25-Nov-10 19:33:39

Yes, parenting is a job. I expect your DP isn't very good at English and uses "work" as a synonym for "earn money".

madmissy Thu 25-Nov-10 19:34:26

oh yes and if you don't financially need to do it, then I think hes silly lol

thisisyesterday Thu 25-Nov-10 19:35:54

well... if you didn't do it who would?? if it isn't a job then what do nannies, childminders, au pairs and nurseries do?

presumable you could leave your kids at home all day because actually it isn';t a job and doesn't need doing?

that said... if they are at school all day and you are short of cash, and most importantly if you WANT to, you could do a part-time job?

colditz Thu 25-Nov-10 19:36:21

your children are both at school, it doesn't take 30 hours a week to do the dishes. If you found a part time job, you could work just fine.

When they are both at school then unless one of them has sn, you don't have a full time job - you have a part time and holidays job.

colditz Thu 25-Nov-10 19:38:33

What is this 'if you want to'?

Does your husband get a choice about whether or not he goes to work in the hours in which he isn't responsible for his children? What if he came home from work one day and said "Looking after the children full time must be so draining for you, as you feel you cannot even work part time. I will stray at home with them from now on, and YOU can get a full time job and pay for everything instead"?

madmissy Thu 25-Nov-10 19:39:17

how about voluteering for something if you don't want to get a job?

rubyslippers Thu 25-Nov-10 19:41:06

Agree with Colditz

Parenting is a job but it doesn't preclude you from balancing that role with something else

biryani Thu 25-Nov-10 19:48:58

Think i would feel a bit uncomfortable not working at all in your situation. Of course parenting is a job, but you are not parenting while your children are at school. Also, to what extent is "being an artist" a job, and why aren't you already using your spare time to be forging a career in art? Sorry to sound a bit harsh, but I have a friend who is an "artist" who earns nothing from it and survives on state handouts.

harecare Thu 25-Nov-10 19:50:07

Do you need a job for the money? Would he work less if you took on a part time job?
If he's not going to cut his hours should you get paid work, then you'll have extra money, but do you need it?
If you don't need the extra money and you're occupied and happy in yourself, what good would a part time job do?
How would you doing a part time job help you become an artist? Do you need to go on a course? Would he/you be happier if you spent your school hours doing that?

PinkieMinx Thu 25-Nov-10 19:51:41

Agree that caring for children is a job in the sense that it is what nannies, etc do. Disagree that you are working if they are at school every day. Having said that if you do EVERYTHING around the house, take majority of responsibility on his days off (probably weekends) and care for them when they wake up in the night/are ill, etc - then you are probably doing your 'fair share' in contribution to the family unit.

It is a family unit and should work for all of you.

nicola1969 Thu 25-Nov-10 19:55:36

i dont do the dishes as we have a cleaner... i have to admit i am a little messy and it drives my partner mad so he pays for a cleaner to come twice a week.. otherwise he says when he comes home he cant think...

but i am tired of being made to feel guilty for not working.. he says that he just would like to feel that the financial responsibilities are shared..

i will never earn what he earns,,so he says as long as i contribute on a "prorata" basis he will be happy..

what do you think

TheHouseofMirth Thu 25-Nov-10 19:56:32

If you are a SAHM then it is an occupation, though presumably your children are at school for 6 hours a day so during that time you are not occupied with them and would be hard-pressed to do 6 hours housework each day?

I think the financial contribution is a seperate issue.

tinierclanger Thu 25-Nov-10 19:58:01

What do you actually do when the children are at school?

rubyslippers Thu 25-Nov-10 20:00:56

I think it is hard when one parent has the stress of being the financial provider solely on their shoulders

Your partner has stated that

I think you should look at ways you can share the burden with him TBH.

nicola1969 Thu 25-Nov-10 20:01:03

well the last four years i have studied and this year i got my BA HONS in fine art,

My partner built a art studio in the garden for me complete with a kiln so i am now trying to make art peices to sell..

i have sold two peices so far one for 150 pounds and the other for 800.. could believe my luck but the buyer just loved it.

ChateauRouge Thu 25-Nov-10 20:01:26

Why don't you retrain in something whilst your children are in school, then you can earn more?

randomama Thu 25-Nov-10 20:01:45

"to what extent is "being an artist" a job"

erm my dad was/is an artist, he and my mum supported a family of 5 just fine, no state hand outs at all. we weren't well off but he worked 9-3.30 painting in his studio 5 days a week (still does, earns a nice living now too!), then looked after us while my mum taught ballet from 4-7 every day. can't stand the attitude (albeit one that is undoubtedly shared by many self proclaimed artists) that artists do nowt more than flounce about wearing smocks and talking shit

anyway, sorry. OP - I agree with PPs yes parenting is a job but not a full time one once your kids are at school. And if you want to be an artist, spend your days making art!

rubyslippers Thu 25-Nov-10 20:01:52

You don't do the dishes - but your cleaner only comes twice per week confused

ChateauRouge Thu 25-Nov-10 20:01:53

Ha- x-post, sorry, you have been studying!

ChateauRouge Thu 25-Nov-10 20:02:52

Congratulations on your sales- it can take years for artists to make any money, so that's fantastic!

thisisyesterday Thu 25-Nov-10 20:03:31

ok so you have been studying. that is fair enough i think, and you've been making and seliong your art....

does he agree that being an artist is a job? i mean, is he happy for that to be your way of earning income?

your situation i think is becoming less common, but i think it works just fine as long as BOTH people are happy with it. some men are fine to be the breadwinner while their wife stays at home all day, even once the kids have flown the nest. so i don't actually have any problem with that

but it doesn't sound like your partner is happy with the arrangements and tbh if your children are at school all day and a cleaner does all the housework.....

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