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Jealous 6yr old

(7 Posts)
browniebear Thu 25-Nov-10 10:31:59

Im hoping someone on here has had similar experience and could help? DH said to me last night that his mum had mentioned to him that our 6yr old DD is jealous of DS 6m.

dd has been playing up lately usually at bed time saying she doesn't like being by herself upstairs so I end up going into my bedroom with DS and putting him to bed at same time.
DD sleeps out at mil every saturday night and has done since she was a baby and apparently has dropped the odd comment like "they (me and DH) can't wait to get rid of me" which obviously isn't true but it upset us to hear that.
MY point is that MIL and FIL have been showering DD with gifts for past few weeks she's been coming home with new outfits and toys and sweets but DS has had nothing (actually last weekend FIL bought him a hat scarf and glove set for an 8-12 yr old so not sure what to make of that!)confused.

So my point is i'm bf and DS is quite clingy to the point that everyone has started calling him a mummy's boy.
I do try to spend as much time as poss with DD but she's rather sensitive and ends up crying over the littlest thing and I don't seem to have a lot of patience with her at moment.
Also have post natal depression and moved house last month so stressed out anyway.
DH's solution and I think MIL's too seems to be to take DD out and everyone else spend time with her but wouldn't it be better if someone took DS out for a while so DD can spend time with just me? Or should we be telling DD to get used to the fact that she can't have me all to herself?
Please can someone give advice?

mloo Thu 25-Nov-10 12:30:27

Someone else taking the DS out for an hour or so so you could have 1-to-1 with the DD (who would might just want to cuddle up for stories, but that's alright, isn't it?) would be nice, is no one offering?

Maybe ask your DD is there something special she'd like to do with you sometime? Even if you have to have the DS along, but try to give her some obvious control over her time with you. Could be a visit to a cafe of her choice, or some other outing, or painting and crafts together at home.

browniebear Thu 25-Nov-10 13:59:05

yeah she would like to sit and craft as we did that sort of thing before DS came along, No one offers to have DS as he is clingy for me so much. Easier to look after DD i suppose as shes the one that can talk. Thanks

DwayneDibbley Thu 25-Nov-10 16:47:55

Message withdrawn

browniebear Thu 25-Nov-10 21:40:33

Its so nice to hear im not alone. Ive had the who do you love more question a few times now.Good advice thank you

Onetoomanycornettos Fri 26-Nov-10 11:48:32

I think all children need a bit of one to one mummy time. It's actually easier when they are both pre-school as you have the baby's nap time to spend time with your older one! After school, no-one is at their best, my 5 and nearly 7 year old just want to watch telly. So I would have a special bedtime routine where she reads with you, or whatever she likes to do, you could lie on her bed, just chat about the day whatever, for 20 min EVEN if the baby cries a bit or has to be held by someone else. I do think you need to give that message she is special, but obviously you can't pay her endless attention, and for the most part, she will have to share.

Plus, all 'good' behaviour of hers towards the baby, a nice cuddle, her getting something whatever, should be praised to the skies. I don't go a bundle on getting them to share the care and all that, lots of children dont' want to fetch the wet wipes etc, but I would look out for when she's behaving well with him, so that any jealousy is more minor and not the way they usually interact.

Plus, obviously look after yourself, eat nice foods, nap when your baby sleeps, dont' unpack stuff instead so that you have a few ounces of energy for her when she gets home. You have a lot on yourself!

wannabeglam Fri 26-Nov-10 12:06:00

I had same gap and no family help, not even from DH a lot of the time due to work. DS was quite left out, but I kept explaining that things would get better and that he'd needed a lot of attention when he was a baby.

Plan something special for her at Christmas and spend more one-to-one time with her when hubby is home. Keep telling her she's your best girl.

And yes, I think you need to insist that you get to spend time with DD. Hand DS over to DH or in-laws if they can cope with a baby. It sounds like she's spending too much time away from you and is suffering for it.

Your baby is at a clingy age but once you're out of sight he'll be fine with dad. You're at the weening age now, so even though you're bfing you can leave DH with a bit of baby rice, or something more exciting.

It will help you too with your PND to have time away from baby and with DD.

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