Having children - why do we do it and is it worth it?

[auburnlizzy78]

Not a journo - am semi-regular poster. Sorry if this has been done recently/done to death!

I guess it's a bit too late to be asking really as I am now a first-time mother to a six week old baby boy. It's all still bloody scary, and I can't help wondering why DH and I had children - this new baby stage I know will pass and get easier but then I look at what's to come and it just seems like one obstacle/miserable phase after another.

• Teething
  
• The screaming wilful toddler stage
  
• The very brief good bit - the "golden years" when they are cute and funny and still cuddly - 4-10
  

- The horror of the teenage years

• Then, after they get reasonably nice again, they piss off and leave you to start their own lives. I've got a boy - so one day his wife will take him and after 20 years of effort and upbringing I might get a couple of phone calls and a visit a month, which is how these things tend to go, even if you have a good relationship.
  

So what the hell is the point, and why do we all become parents? I would like to think that DH and I are intelligent and well-educated and that we have done it for a good reason, rather than just a) because we can't think of anything better to do, b) because I am a slave to my biological urges c) because I "need" someone to depend on me or d) because DH and I feel obligated to produce good future citizens for society. If none of these, then currently I have no idea what that reason actually was.

Ours is a good baby really, I don't 100% love him yet, but that will come. So I don't think I'm depressed. But I still can't get this question out of my mind, and would love to hear what you all think - however old your kids are. Is a baby's first smile, or a funny remark from your four year old, worth the 20 years of self-sacrifice and hard slog???? It doesn't seem a lot to get back when there's so much effort put in.

[Tortington]

no fucking idea. if you find out let me know

[englandsmistress]

Quick answer to post title:
Because the condom split, and 'No'

[Lynli]

It was an all consuming desire, it was meant to be.

[ISayISayISay]

Nope, not sure. And, well, sometimes.

Good luck. It doesn't get better that quick, don't have too high hopes. Though the "sweet"/love moments get more frequent.

[autodidact]

You are over-thinking. You don't need a good reason.

How do you know 4-10 is the only good bit if you have only one very new baby? Congratulations, btw.:)

[pipsy76]

Probably because on your death bed real unconditional love will be the one meaningful thing in your life.

[pipsy76]

and on a lighter note they give you a good excuse to leave boring parties early

[greatgoose]

Ha! - that exact same thunderously depressing thought didn't hit me first until my ds left home at 16 to live with his dad.

All those thankless years of sleep deprivation, lugging them around, being tied to the bloody school run, endless washing and homework torture, and having no coins or pens in the house because they steal them as soon as you put them down.

It really is far too soon for you to be thinking like this!!!

[englandsmistress]

Hands up anyone who knows a cute and funny 10 year old..! I'd reduce the golden yars stage to 5 - 7.

[bigchris]

It's so they can look after us in our dotage
and so that we don't feel lonely at Xmas when we're 85 although they'll be slagging us off on here because we want four different kinds of potatoes at Xmas dinner

[Meglet]

It's a sneaky biological trick and they are worth it (when they aren't screaming / throwing / mess-making).

[bigchris]

We'll only know if it was worth it when we're old and looking back at our lives
if they win the lottery or are well paid lawyers etc it'll be worth it if they're generous
if they're bachelors and never leave home it's definietely not worth it
I work with about 15 people
3 of them still live at home - two are over 40 , the other us 36

[goingroundthebend4]

look at it this way few years time your have the perfect exscuse go see all those kids films

[NonnoMum]

Because they vaguely amuse us??

[IsItMeOr]

Wanted to meet them. Too late to worry about your second question now.

Congratulations, btw.

[BoffinMum]

Because pensions aren't going to be worth much and the welfare state will be long gone, so our kids will be able to feed and wipe us.

[2old4thislark]

When your 'baby' is 6 foot 3 of gorgeousness ans everyone says he's a nice lad it makes it all worth while. And when your DD is beautiful and doing so well in her career you feel so proud and that you've done your job well!

Hang in there!

[SpotSplatterSplash]

custy

Ahh in all seriousness, mine are 3 1/2 and 20 months and I love the stages they are at.

They are both just so funny. I love when they learn new things and their random humour. I love the way that they love me and trust me wholly. They amuse me and please me every day (minus the tantrums). I enjoy making them happy and content with simple things.

Someone on here once described having children as taking out your heart and letting it run around independently. I think that was quite apt.

[cory]

me, I am a compulsive teacher: I liked the idea of a ready-made audience

and fwiw I have a very charming and entertaining teenager

[GrantchesterMeadows]

It seemed a good idea at the time

[wineandpeanuts]

dd1 (3yo) told me today- mammy u look gorgeous today- just like me
of course it's bloody worth it

[SpotSplatterSplash]

wineandpeanuts, cute huh?

DS has started leaning on me and saying "Mummy, you're my bestest friend"

[wannabeglam]

Great amusing answers to this post, treated with the lightness it deserved.

[Beamur]

Having DD has been the most fun I've ever had. She is funny, rude, wilful - but never truly difficult, even during the so-called terrible 2's.
Every age she has been through has been my favourite.