Sexual Awareness or Passing Phase?(10 Posts)
I debated long and hard about whether to post this as I find it a hard enough subject to deal with. My DS has just turned 5 but for sometime now has been displaying behaviour which leads me and his dad to believe he has some form of sexual awareness. I found him in his favourite position on the floor watching telling playing with his penis. I was so shocked that I shouted at him to stop. The movement was very awkward which suggested that it was not somethingg that he saw being done. But the most shocking thing about it is that when I asked him to stop and put his penis away, he said "but mommy, I like how it feels". If he walks in while I'm in my underwear, he would start giggling and announce "my penis is big". Same thing happens when he sees women in underwear on the telly. I am sorry but I lost it and slapped his bottom when after telling him more than twice not to do it he puts his arm around my waist in a pretend hug and tries to smell my privates. I am annoyed and scared and FED UP! I built up the courage to ask one of my friends about whether she experience this with her son and she said no and that I need to "watch it with him". What the hell does that mean anyway? So of course I won't be asking any more of my friends. It is clear that DS has no idea what he doing, has no idea what is happening to him when he gets an erection. This morning for example, there was an ad on telly for lingerie. He pointed, laughed, annouced that his penis was big and continued flying his plane. Still very much a little boy. Has anyone come across this before? Is this normal behaviour with boys? We've been wondering whether to take him to the doctor. So far, we are trying not to make too much of a big deal about it hoping that it is a phase that would pass soon but the phase is taking too long. Very grateful for your help
DS likes playing with his penis (don't all boys) and he has told me before that he likes the way it feels when he has an erection. I thinks that perfectly normal.
Really not sure that a 5year old boy should connect lingerie ads though with an erection.
Could someone have said something to him?
utterly and completely normal. children enjoy touching their genitals from the outset. boys get erections from the outset. don't make him feel bad, don't engage with him on it other than to help him understand what behaviour is public and what behaviour is private.
as for the "no comment" from Tee -- jeez, what with this and the other thread, there's a lot of people on MN at the moment who appear to believe that it's possible to get some kind of salacious pleasure by reading answers to questions of this sort. that is just wildly unlikely. if someone's after sick pleasure, turning to mumsnet is extremely unlikely to be how they'll start!
was better than what I was actually thinking which was: -
"FFS get a grip and I can't believe you hit him for a perfectly normal thing to do!!!!!"
My ds is nearly 4 and went through a phase of constantly playing with himself and getting other boys to get their's out as well . He and dd went through a phase of 'playing' with each other, which included sniffing (can't quite believe I'm writing this!). However, they are both, thankfully, though it now. Not to say ds doesn't play with himself because he does but not as much and not as publically Talk to him next time it arises about what's appropriate behaviour. My ds has learnt not to do it in certain places/times and he knows there are certain aspects of behaviour that are unacceptable. I would ignore the advert thing, he can't help what his body does and you don't want to attach to guilt to it. There is unlikely to be anything genuinely sexual in his behaviour as unless he has been exposed to it he couldn't have got it from anywhere. Even other children talking won't really register as he's too young to comprehend what they are saying on an adult sexual level. He does what he does because he likes how it feels, when you like how something feels you keep doing it. He just needs to know when to not do it I do feel your pain though, I was initially shocked by my ds's behaviour, especially when he started getting other boys to copy him!
Thank you thank you thank you!!!! I could not even sleep tonight after posting my message wondering whether your replies would mean that I'd need to get DS to the doctor. I am sooo relieved to the extent that I am grinning from ear to ear. Tee - I struck him out of frustation and realised immediately that I should not have. Will continue now not to make too much of a fuss of it. Gonna wake up hubby now to tell him about your feedback. We have a normal child... Hallelujah !! Thank you again. Perhaps I'll be able to sleep now.
FFScalm down! Fiddling with one's own genitals is pleasurable - and entirely harmless. All you need to tell pre-puberty DC is that their genitals and bottoms are private and that it;s Ok to play with them at home but not on the bus or in the middle of Sainsburys.
Glad you're relieved, and only surprised that you hadn't noticed before. DS1 used to "hump" himself to sleep as soon as he was capable of independent movement - about 6 months!
I'm afraid that by your reaction you've probably increased his behaviour. It now not only feels nice but it also really really winds Mummy up. Major bonus for any normal 5 year old boy! I
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