going back to work - tell me it gets easier!(2 Posts)
Ive just returned back to work this week, leaving my darling 3mth old daughter at home and I need someone to tell me it gets easier!
Because I earn quite a bit more than my husband, we agreed when I was pregnant that Id take the first three months off, and then hed take a three month sabbatical and stay home with her, before her starting nursery at 6 months. It seemed ideal wed both get to spend time with her and I wouldnt feel guilty about going back to work as Id know she was at home in safe hands.
But this week has just been hell! Were utterly blessed to have an angel baby she sleeps through the night, she rarely cries, shes just generally smiley and content all the time and every day when I leave her it feels like my heart is breaking. I always considered myself a tough, no nonsense type but Ive wept every day as Ive driven to work, had to fight back the tears during the day, and spend the evening sitting in the nursery, looking at her sleep and crying. I feel like a pathetic wretch, especially considering these are the first tears Ive had since shes been born really.
And I feel like milk vending machine: I leap out of bed in the morning to feed her, then once shes had her fill Im off to work, then when I walk in the door at night Im handed a cranky, tired and hungry baby, and have to just whip out a boob and feed her, until she falls off, asleep and then thats it until the next morning. Not to mention having to disappear from my desk ever few hours to express
Im finding myself resenting my husband for being with her and getting all of her smiles, resenting my job (which I love) for keeping me from her, and just hating the whole human race because Im so unhappy. Ive basically gone from three months of bliss to utter despair.
So does it get better? Is it just because its the first week, or is this just the way its going to be from now on and I need to pull myself together and get used to it?
It does get easier but only when you stop being hard on yourself and your husband.
Is this really what you want - write down the pros and cons of working full time?
If you deceide that wroking full time is best for you and your family then keep going and remember all the pros every time you get down. If your cons far outway your pros, maybe you need to rethink things.
It is great that you can share the precious moments between you, don't let it cause a barrier between you and your husband.
Maybe investing in a video camera might help, then your husband can record her precious moments of the day for you to watch when you come in in the evening.
Being a mum is full of guilt - we feel guilty if we do things, guilty if we don't. Have belief in yourself and your actions. YOu are obviously doing a fantastic job between you to have such a delightful child.
Keep talking to your husband. Let him know how you feel, maybe he can come up with some suggestions too x
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