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Am i being overprotective or normal?

(15 Posts)
elp34 Mon 15-Nov-10 23:16:22

My mum today suggested that i might be coming across as too over protective of my 9.5 mth old dd. This wasn't a complete surprise to hear, as i did wonder it myself a little, but i am confused if it is me being over protective or just being normal.

My dd is only use to a few people, them being my dp, mum and MIL because she sees them the most. She doesn't see my siblings very often at all and therefore i would not be happy with any of them having her until i feel she is comfortable with them first. Is this so wrong??.

My dd is quite attached to me and is very wary of being held by someone she doesn't recognise or know very well. She has definately got better and won't cry straight the way now but just has that unhappy, wary expression on her face. I know if i wasn't in sight or was to leave her behind she would most likely cry and that would break my heart.

Therefore i do not feel ready to give her to my sister at the moment but i don't think she understands this as she has a friend who gives her ds to anyone and of course he's fine.

I didn't think this was that abnormal but maybe i am wrong as i just seem to get the same things said to me such as, "She will get use to it". I don't personally want her to have to GET USE TO IT but have no worries about her getting to know my sister first with me and take it one step at a time.

Anyone else had the same problem.

ChristmasTrulyReigns Mon 15-Nov-10 23:19:30

Your relationship with your DD is normal.

There's no need to stress a 9 month old baby out unnecessarily, by her getting used to something that is absolutely irrevelant to the way your are bringing her up.

Enjoy your DD and be proud of your parenting skills.

mamas12 Mon 15-Nov-10 23:20:32

You know your baby better than anyone and you need to go your own pace,
I thin 9 mths is the separation anxiety phase if I remember correctly so this is completely normal.
When she is over that then she'll be fine.

neolara Mon 15-Nov-10 23:21:27

At around 9 months is is completely normal for babies to be very wary of people they don't know well. They can get very upset if handed over to strangers. This is not only ok developmentally, it is also a "good thing". It suggests that they have developed a solid attachment to their primary careers.

fluffles Mon 15-Nov-10 23:24:05

what do you mean by 'give her to my sister'? do you mean let your sister hold her? if so YAB quite PFB... but if you mean you go out and let your sister babysit for a few hours then that's up to you really.

are you doing something about getting your baby used to your sister though? she is close family.. you should introduce them at your pace rather than let them stay strangers to each other.

dikkertjedap Mon 15-Nov-10 23:24:13

I think that everybody is different, so what is overprotective in one person's view is normal in somebody else's view. There is no right way, it is your baby, you need to follow your instincts. My dd was the same and I was happy with it. She did not go to childminders/pre-school (and did not enjoy most toddler groups), people kept telling me that I would have huge problems getting her to school, well, she has been really easy going to school from day 1, whereas I see kids who went to childminders/pre-school clinging to parents, crying, screaming. In my view, my dd went when she was ready (about 4 years old). Also, we kind of followed the attachment parenting approach rather than cry it out approach. This worked best for us and for dd, but I know it is tough, very demanding, I walked for hours with her in a babybjorn because she hated the pushchair. We also co-slept until she decided herself that she wanted to sleep in her own bed. Lots of people frown upon those things, but it worked for us. So my advice is follow your instincts, do what you feel is best for you and your dd. Try not to let other people make you doubt your own parenting skills, they don't know your dd like you do.

elp34 Mon 15-Nov-10 23:51:41

Sorry fluffles i mean let her take her away for a few hours or overnight. I'm happy for anyone to hold her while she knows i'm around.
My sister seems to have distanced herself from us at the moment as i wouldn't let her have her when she was first born. She cryed constantly with colic for hours up until she was about 7 weeks old. Then there was a few episodes where she cried when she held her and she has backed away since. I know she thinks i wrap her in cotton wool but i don't think she totally understands the mother/child bond and just sees her friends doing different.

Thanks everyone for your comments i will continue to go with my instincts.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 15-Nov-10 23:58:18

You must do what you think is right. I don't think that getting to know her aunt before staying overnight with her is a bad idea.

Don't be too harsh on your sis for earlier lack of contact. Some people are afraid of little babies, this usually passes as they get older.

booyhoo Tue 16-Nov-10 00:01:07

your baby is at a classic age for becoming what is often called 'strange with people'. not meaning she is strange but that she becomes wary of people she doesn't know well. take your cues from your DD, she will let you know if she is happy to be with other people or not. and there is nothing at ll wrong with her if she isn't happy. i mean, as adults we don't like everyone we meet do we?

mathanxiety Tue 16-Nov-10 06:09:48

Don't mind your mum or your sister.

There's nothing wrong with you or your baby, and well done for placing more importance on the baby's reaction than the adults' here. Listen to your instincts and don't rush the baby.

Your sister needs to get over herself. Don't give in to the distancing.

sims2fan Tue 16-Nov-10 07:57:08

Personally I don't think there's any need for a baby to stay overnight at another family member's house, unless there's an emergency. I also think that if your child doesn't like being held by people she doesn't know, then they should not force the issue. I first saw my cousin's then 3 month old baby at a family do and he stayed in his mum's arms the whole day as she said he would scream otherwise. Perfectly fine, we all enjoyed seeing him, and preferred cooing at him while he was happy rather than have him scream and wriggle as he was passed around. My brother was very clingy until he was about 4. He couldn't be left with anyone, and if my mum went to visit someone he gave the impression of being a little saint (which he wasn't at home!) by sitting quietly on her lap. He's grown up perfectly normally, is married, socialises, etc. My mum just didn't force him to leave her side until he was ready. I think you're normal, and they're being unreasonable to try and insist you leave the baby with them. Why, when you can be there too? She's your baby and you don't have to leave her anywhere if you don't want to.

TheUnmentioned Tue 16-Nov-10 08:07:47

No you are being 'normal' for want of a better word.

Tbh ds is 3 and he had not been away from me overnight until I was in hospital having dd 7 weeks ago and I dont think there's anything wrong with that. At all.

I havent left dd with anyone other than my mum or dh yet (to go to docs) and ds has only ever been left with my parents and obviously dh until he was about 2.5. Since then he has been left with in laws and been to his friends houses to play etc.

I dont have plans on leaving dd with anyone anytime soon tbh. They are little for such a short time.

Be careful though - my friends kids are soooooo clingy even now and she will and always has let them sit on her knee for hours with their head buried in her (they are 2) and no-one is allowed to talk to them in case they 'stress them out'. I know thats not what youre saying but just bear it in mind.

Oh and also, it isnt the end of the world if she cries remember, not nice at the time but its normal and ok and not detrimental to her at all so long as it is nto for extended periods uncomforted. I wish someone had pointed out that ovious fact to me tbh!

overmydeadbody Tue 16-Nov-10 08:13:52

You are being normal, not overprotective. I wouldn't leave my DS with someone he didn't know and that would distress him. Whether he was 9 months old or 9 years old.

mathanxiety Tue 16-Nov-10 15:59:47

Actually, it's your sister who seems loopy here. Your baby is not her toy, and getting stroppy, sulking etc., when you won't give in to her demands is grossly immature.

I had 5 very 'anti-social' babies/toddlers, who are all fairly well-adjusted at this point in their lives, lots of friends, well able to speak politely with adults -- I never left them overnight with anyone until they went on their first sleepovers with friends (in the case of DS this happened when he was 13).

QuickLookBusy Tue 16-Nov-10 16:03:56

Agree your DD is only 9mths, why distress her by leaving her with someone she doesnt know very well? You are not being overprotective.

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