would you call social services????

[sugarbea]

ok...this might be a bit long so apologies in advance.
I'm concerned about someone I know. Our children have been in the same class since nursery. Her eldest has had a lot of issues at school and with friends as she's generally not very nice to anyone. There's been neumerous incidences of her doing very nasty things to other children. Her DD is always dirty, un kempt looking and sometimes smelly in dirty and ripped clothes. She once came over to play a while ago and i gave her one of ds's tracksuits to go home in as I washed her uniform (I chickened out at told her that her dd had spilt something on her uniform). We have been out ocassionally together with the children but i stopped this because she used to swear and slap her dd and then just let her run around knocking on peoples doors or taking things from shops. I swiftly stopped social interaction in public and stopped play dates as DS started picking up on her behaviour. She also at 4 told my ds about sex and where to touch and what to do.."alarm bells"...
She now has more small children. They are dirty the babies smell like sick, the house is filthy..(and i don't mean havent done the washing up) I mean you cant walk through the house for shitty nappies and food and general grime. Her children don't go out, she ropes in other people to take her children to school. She has family that obviously don't pull her up on things and I feel that though our children know each other and I pop in to say hi on the odd occasion i'm not the right person to pull her up on it. The children are neglected and her DD who's at school with my DS is getting worse and worse. I've offered her support before and even taken DD out without her but she ran away from me and told me to shut up and wouldnt listen. And i know this sounds bad though i love my own children i'm not a naturally patient person for my sins and she behaves so badly i have to take her home.
I know that her dd doesn't eat breakfast before school and she always complains she has no money to feed the children, yet she finds money for fags and to go out or have a sunbed.
There is one more thing that really worries me. She told me quite openly during one of the first times our children played together that she has had a lot of family issues and her father was acused of being a paedophile by another family member. But they didn't prosecute.(the whole family deemed her a liar) but her DD spends a lot of time with him when she can't be bothered. I feel awful about saying that as I had no proof but I can't shake it.
What would you do?

[tethersend]

Do you really need to ask?

Call them, no hesitation.

[TheFarSide]

Definitely call social services. Although I would have thought that school would have picked up on this too?

[colditz]

Why are you asking?

Seriously, you know what you need to do. Unless you are exaggerating most of your post, the situation sounds like the classic social worker training manual!

Alert the school.

[sugarbea]

TheFarSide me too...:( I know they pull her up on behaviour but i thought a vigilant school would pick up on things like that. Also Health Visitors etc...

[tethersend]

The school may well have picked up on it but are not party to the same info as you. SS may even already be aware.

I don't think you can criticise school too much though, as you haven't called them either. Call them

[sugarbea]

colditz tbh it's not until I wrote it down that i realised how bad it actually is. Its been on my mind for a while but the house mess etc has got worse the last few months..How do social services deal with it. Im not sure i think she doesn't love her children i think she just can't cope. Will they support her or just take them all away.?

[TheFarSide]

Maybe your social services aren't taking any notice of the school, in which case it will help if you also report it. Where I live, some of our local secondary schools have difficulty getting social services to take up a case (although they may be more responsive with primary and younger).

[tethersend]

That's not really your decision to make, TBH... call SS and let them assess the situation. It's their job.

[sugarbea]

I'm going to call them in the morning. Though i'm not convinced the children are in danger of serious physical harm she needs some sort of intervention. I suppose i was just being selfish and worrying that I may be over reacting and that i would be responsible for children being without their mum, who given the right support might be able to change. I needed an objective opinion as opposed to my personal one.

[sugarbea]

tethersend you right..:( I will let them assess it and if i'm over reacting then they will make a decision to not be involved right??

[tethersend]

Exactly. Good on you for calling. It will be harder to live with if you don't.

[colditz]

I don't think they'll take them away, not if they have a chat and she pulls her act together a bit. The fact that a social worker got involved was enough - on it's own - to make someone I know stop taking drungs every weekend and pay some serious soapy attention to her children/

[colditz]

Sounds like she needs a sure start volunteer if you ask me.

[mamatomany]

She needs a kick up the arse.
Not feeding them and shitty nappies all over the house is a health hazard.

[mathanxiety]

'She also at 4 told my ds about sex and where to touch and what to do.."alarm bells"...'

'she has had a lot of family issues and her father was acused of being a paedophile by another family member. But they didn't prosecute.(the whole family deemed her a liar) but her DD spends a lot of time with him when she can't be bothered.'

PLEASE call SS.