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(10 Posts)
pinkyp Sun 14-Nov-10 10:41:49

My ex has changed his mind several times wether he wants to be involved with this baby or not,i am happy...well i will let him be involved if he wants to, but i've told him if he does he will need to pay maintinence but not sure how much to ask for?
He said he didnt want courts / ccs getting involved etc. To be honest after not hearing a word from him for a month i dont think he'll b bothered in which case i wont ask him for anything.

Snorbs Sun 14-Nov-10 11:06:03

So you'll only let him see his child if you get maintenance?

Children aren't pay-per-view you know.

pinkyp Sun 14-Nov-10 11:17:45

lol no. You miss read, nice reply tho am guessing you have your own issues to deal with. What i ment was:

If he doesnt want to be involved then i wouldnt bother chasing for maintinence, but if he does want to be involved then yes i'd expect him to contribute to his childs upbringing.

Snorbs Sun 14-Nov-10 14:52:48

Meh. Backtrack as much as you want. I think my summary of your position was accurate enough.

As for "how much" you might as well use the CSA's assessment as a starting point. The CSA website has info on how they calculate maintenance.

pinkyp Sun 14-Nov-10 17:55:25

do i no you? i dont get what your problem is with me,each to your own and all that. I was after some advice, please read threads properly before attacking people as you've made it quite clear its easy to get the wrong end of the stick.

BigChiefOrganiser Sun 14-Nov-10 18:01:21

Look, even if he isn't involved, he SHOULD be paying to help support his child. Don't let him off if he doesn't want to be involved.

It's 15% of net pay through the CSA. You can also work out a private agreement. For DHs DD, I worked out approx what it would cost per month (excl Housing, but incl utilities, food, school uniforms, shoes, other clothes etc..) and split that 50/50 to make sure we were contributing a fair amount.

Snowquartz Sun 14-Nov-10 18:03:10

I think you've been a bit quick to jump on pinky there Snorbs. She's saying she will chase him for maintenance if he wants to be involved - the ball being in his court as to whether he wants to or not. She's not saying cough up and you can see your child.

The CSA say around 15% of net salary, pinkyp, but it can be reduced if the child stays overnight for a certain number of nights per year. You do know you are entitled to claim it regardless of whether he wants to be involved or not don't you?

overmydeadbody Sun 14-Nov-10 18:12:50

Blimey Snorbs, take it easy.

pinkyp has every right to want maintainance if the father wants to be involved in the child's life. In fact she has every right to want maintainance even if he isn't involved.

Children are pay-per-view actually. With the rights of a parent come responsibilites to financially support children.

If a man wasn't willing to financially support his child, why the hell should he be involved in it's life?

pinkyp Sun 14-Nov-10 19:55:28

Thank you all for your help! The ball is in his court wether he wants to be involved or not,he was the one who (when he went through his yeh i want to be involved...urm...actually no i dont phases) said he didnt want courts / csa involved,which is fine with me unless obviously he starts causing problems. I am settled with my dh of 5 years(we did split for a while in the past,when i met ex - long storey,not really relevant) so if my ex didnt want to be involved then my baby would still have a 'dad' figure and we'd still be supported financially so i'd feel a bit bad about chasing him for maintinence when he has nothing to do with him.

ohsleepyone Tue 16-Nov-10 22:07:50

I see what your saying but shouldnt it be the other way round? As in if he's around and taking a active part in your dc's life then not to pay maintenance as he's spending time and most likely be paying for bits as and when needed rather than disappearing without a trace and no help what so ever? financial or otherwise?

or maybe he should either way? maybe less if he's around? just my 2 cents tho x

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